what are common autism traits that you DON'T relate to?

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I wear tinted glasses indoors and dark prescription sunglasses outdoors, even if it's dark or cloudy or raining. I started wearing sunglasses as a child, which is considered pretty weird. Most little kids don't wear sunglasses at recess or if they're outside in the winter after sunset, but I'd used a pair in the summer because of light sensitivity and then I never gave them up. Maybe that should have been everyone's first clue that there was "something wrong with me", whether that was Autism or Scopophobia. As it is, I wasn't diagnosed with either until I was almost 50. Then I was dx with Level 2 ASD, ADHD, and Agoraphobia. (I'm actually not formally dx with Scopophobia but doctors just say "Yeah, you have that ...") I'm also Face Blind. That's likely from not looking at faces - but maybe my lack of facial processing actually came first, and caused me to avoid or fear faces? It's hard to say.

I still can't / won't go outside without my $800 sunglasses glasses to cover my face. The bigger the frames, the better. I love Covid masks too, so I still wear one to hide my face even in places where they aren't required. It has nothing to do with low self-esteem or thinking I'm ugly. It's a lifelong abject horror about existing in the physical world. I've always felt like I'm just a floating brain and I'm not really "here" apart from my invisible consciousness. Being seen and observed and judged or scrutinised makes me aware of my temporal self and causes a metaphysical crisis of sorts, as weird as that may sound. In addition to that, I experienced SA trauma as a child and again as an adult. I think the childhood one caused me to dissociate from my body so that I don't really want to exist. The adult trauma involved photography which is another whole layer of terror for me, because I have a phobia of being photographed.

Yeah, it's messed up. I know it's not normal or healthy or good, but that's just how I am. As for the fact that they see me anyway, I know they do. That's why I hide indoors and became reclusive. Unless I'm with someone I know and trust I don't like to leave the house at all in daylight. I won't cut my grass or put the trash out or walk my dog. I won't order a pizza if they're going to ring the bell instead of leaving it on the step. I wait for nighttime (pitch dark) to do anything, like walking my dog or checking the mail. Of course there are times I have to fight the phobia and go out whether I like it or not, like for doctor appointments or essential tasks, but that's when I'm twisting and turning away from people in hopes I won't be seen. I buy everything online now but prior to internet if I was in a clothing shop and I saw anyone I knew, I used to tuck-and-roll into the clothing racks and hide behind hanging garments.

Being a single parent was hell because I had to go out of my comfort zone, not just by working in a career where people stared at me, but by taking the kids to their outdoor sporting activities, chatting with other parents, and trying to act like a normal and non-terrified human being. Doing all that and still being told "You didn't make eye contact!" was such an insult. I started to feel like a circus animal or a freaky sideshow just for existing and doing my best to survive.

Right now I'm in my basement which has no windows, wearing a hoodie up on my head and my tinted indoor glasses. I'll be down here all day because my kids are upstairs and my DIL will be visiting. I don't even like to be seen in my own home by my own family. It makes me too self-conscious as if I'm standing naked in front of everyone. I'll hide down here with the door shut until the coast is clear and I can sneak up to my bedroom later on. It's entirely disabling and I hate it, but just like any other phobia there's not much I can do in the way of treatment. I'm afraid of Zoom counselling because it involves cameras. I keep paper taped over my laptop camera so it won't ever go on by mistake. I'm on meds for anxiety (actually come to think of it I'm not right now, but I have been ...), although they don't work either.

It's a very strange trait, the talkativeness one, in as much as both extremes, the one of being extremely talkative, and the other of being extremely un-talkative are both traits of Autism. Often the talkative ones are quick witted, verbally gifted and highly articulate, while the quiet ones are the opposite and can struggle to articulate their thoughts. Again both of these extremes are traits of Autism, but on the opposite ends of the scale.

My father (who I'm sure is Autistic / has Aspergers but has never been diagnosed) used to go on extremely long and boring monologues, regardless of whether anyone else was actually interested or not. Although he can be very articulate, that doesn't help if the subject is not interesting to the listener. I tend to be reserved and quiet and struggle with being verbally articulate, unless I've maybe had certain kinds of stimulants, and then I can become much more talkative, articulate, and quick witted. (Or at least it feels like that anyway lol.)

IIRC there is something about these traits in the Autism AQ 50 question questionnaire thing.

"Elgee" wrote:

Well, you're 70. Did you EVER have meltdowns? Because if you had meltdowns 40 years ago, those count. If you had meltdowns only in childhood, those count too.

Otherwise, if you've literally never had a meltdown (I don't mean a tantrum to get your way, like many NTs have), I'd like to know, because I've never had meltdowns, and this fact sometimes makes me feel like I'm not autistic enough. I'm with a group of auties and they're talking about their meltdowns, and I'm just sitting there totally unable to relate.

I've never had a meltdown. When I was very young I did have things that my mother called tantrums. She essentially bullied me out of them, which I don't think would have worked if they'd been meltdowns because applying hard discipline would have just made it worse, meltdowns being largely out of the Aspie's control, or so I've been told. My memory of it is pretty dim but I don't think there was ever a time when I was out of my own control. I think they had a bit of purpose behind them, but I don't think I thought very clearly about them - I just felt upset and spontaneously started to express it and maybe demand that it be fixed. I don't think it was dramatic.

A couple of people have had them in front of me. I had to directly deal with one of them, and I was surprised how calm I remained. I just stood by in case it turned harmful, but it didn't, it just went away within maybe 10 minutes. With the other one it convinced me that it really was necessary for somebody to take her to medical visits and other scary appointments, and that it might be a long time before she'd be independent in that way.

There was also somebody at work who alienated everybody by having a meltdown at a party she threw. She drove everybody out. I wasn't there, so I could feel more compassionate than they could, but I rarely saw her around and we weren't familiar enough for me to show support. I lost some of what little respect I had for the ones who sat in judgement about her. I can't remember whether I criticised them for that, but if so I'd have delivered it as a cutting put-down which wouldn't have won any hearts and minds. Not long afterwards she killed herself.

So I can relate to some extent, they're of interest because it's something I've seen that's had quite an effect on me emotionally.

I don't think having meltdowns is a diagnostic thing for ASD, so I don't feel particularly NT for not having them. I have other traits that are classic ASD, and having ASD is by far the best explanation I've ever considered for those. I have fairly strong control over my behaviour even when I'm feeling fear and anger. For example, I just completed a journey between the UK and the USA. Totally surrounded by people for over 24 hours. Essential to secure co-operation of staff to direct me to the right places. A long delay on arrival before getting off the final plane means that I must have been on it for 12 hours. Had a train to catch after that, and had to rush for it - during which time it took ages to find a way of buying an underground ticket with cash (cards had expired during my long absence from destination country). Yet I had no meltdown. I just felt quite a bit of anxiety for a lot of the journey time.

The special interests was probably my most obvious autistic trait. I don't have them at the same intensity I used to though.

I don't get overstimulated, although I think I have sensory issues and I can't filter stimuli from outside (I hear, see and smell everything. If necessary, I also remember everything!). I am very sensitive to heat, but less sensitive to physical pain, cold and thirst.

I am very social and extravert for someone on the spectrum; I may be like an NT. I also like personnel parties and other parties. I don't mind noise.

Understimulation is an issue for me, sometimes a real issue like overstimulation is for most of other autistics. I can solve that by driving a car, I love driving a car. Whether it is in a country that drives on the right, or in a country that drives on the left, I just do it. Not a problem at all. But in the country with left hand traffic, the car must have an automatic gear. I have been in UK, and drove there 600 miles, from Heathrow to Edinburgh. It's easy for me, but I have to think a bit more.

I also am able to multitask at work, I can process information fast and think very fast.

This can give some problems. Let's say there is something that I want to try. People can find it extreme or excentric, but I think I can do it. They think it's stupid because I think I can do it. I just want to try. For example: Many people think it is difficult to drive in a capital city of a foreign country. For my father it my be stressful. For me it isn't. And after that I am not even tired! People can't imagine that my brain can handle all this. I just can, and that is strange for others.

I can handle noise adequately well.

With me, it's like many of the traits are there, but not that severe, which I attribute to a full life of NOT knowing, and so I forced myself to "push through it" with most things, to "fit in"... that said, I probably have spent the majority of my waking hours alone, (a lot of it "in my own little world") so the "sample size" to measure many of the social traits by is low. I definitely tend to be mute in crowded situations, and prefer to go find the resident pets, if available lol

Me, too. Not a problem. I can go to a noisy pub, without getting overstimulated, but talking to someone with that noise (or loud music) is a problem. I can't hear the other person anymore. I can't easily filter out unwanted noise and then only listen to the voice of my partner.

My girlfriend (not autistic) doesn't like noise. I will go to a quiet pub or restaurant with her (when we have a multiple days date).

It depends on what the noise is. Dogs barking forget it, I just want it to stop. Any type of fly buzzing by throws me off. I have not been in a noisy pub for decades but when I was younger it did not bother me.

My autism diagnosis attempts (two) both came back inconclusive because I don't tick all the boxes but at the same time I am significantly impaired by the ones I do tick. Social interaction is very hard. I don't have friends, except for a very few, whom I've known for years, except one new friend and I consider it kind of miraculous that he showed up in my life and seems to like me, even after getting to know more and more of my oddities. Navigating conversations with people I don't know well is very hard, although superficially I think I get away with it okay, by saying stock phrases and asking questions. I also have a lot of black-and-white thinking and I am inflexible.

On the other hand, sensory issues are relatively mild and I can deal okay with change, depending on what it is.

I can talk to people easily and make friends really fast. (Not good at maintaining them, too much work after the newness wear off.)

I don't have melt-downs. I hardly ever feel angry.

No fine motor issues. My hands are steady and precise. I can fix almost anything. Now gross motor issues is a different story.

As a child I wasn't the typical "little professor" type that HF Aspie children are supposed to be. I was behind on my reading, I wasn't really interested in reading much anyway, and I didn't memorise facts about my interests and I didn't talk excessively about my interests. In fact I just had casual interests like any kid, about things that other kids enjoyed.

oooh.... styrofoam. When I was a kid, I could not handle styrofoam or cotton balls. They made my ears hurt, but from my fingers (if that makes sense). Don't really have that issue any more, but am also very ginger with handling styrofoam and the sensation of pulling a big styrofoam pad out of a box still makes me leery.

I didn't think I related to the rigid schedules/structures, but then I was asked to deviate from my planned activities and I freaked out (in retrospection, I realize that my NT friends seem to regularly deviate from their activities as the need arises).

I don't flap or rock really. I like the motion of rocking in a chair (I think everyone does?) and I might kind of flap when feeling incredibly.... worn down? Frustrated for a long time? Not sure exact cause. It's rare nonetheless.

Coordination is okay, not terribly clumsy. I handle sharp things without issue, don't trip over my feet (usually), and overall have decent hand-eye coordination. I do concur with an earlier poster - my depth perception's pretty off. I have a really hard time judging the distance I am from something.

Sensing issues isn't really a thing anymore - see post above re: styrofoam as a kid. I still get overwhelmed at times from audio - loud shopping centers are the worst. Sometimes I wonder if I stop drinking, if this sensitivity will return.

I also do not have an indifference to temperature - I'm rather sensitive to too cold or hot.

There was a similar thread to this but, instead it was traits that you did relate. I will answer the same way I answered there, None. Reason? There is no trait that exist that is exclusive to autism. Everything mentioned here you can find in any other person. Autism is not a "club", it is a mental disorder.

Most autistics probably lack most of the traits associated with autism. Each person has only a few, but each has a different few.

Thats one problem with TV shows that depict autistics. The characters have to have all of the traits, and have to display them on cue in ways that dont resemble an actual autistic person.