Confidence is not competence.

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I think he knows he has no hope, but I've been in that place too where I've thought, "if only they got to know me they would like me." So I empathise.

He was talking to another friend about trying to learn a skill, but was struggling and told us about a technique he was using. And I said that's a great idea, it never occurred to me to do that and he said, "well that's because you're already good at this."

Yes, everybody regards me as competent in practical matters. I get good performance reviews at work. I'm practical to a fault, not very emotional. I get suggested for extra tasks annoyingly.

I'm incompetent in affection terms lol. We all have strengths and weaknesses.

We tend to fare worse in social contexts because we tend to have brains with inferior working memory but superior long-term memory, and we tend to focus our attention more narrowly but more intensely rather than perceiving our surroundings more holistically like many NTs. These traits are useful in some contexts, but it's easy to imagine why socialising isn't one of them.

I've come to believe that a better socialising approach for us than simply practising is to find a way to be able to rely more on our long-term memory in social situations. So pre-planning and familiarising ourselves with potential questions, topics of conversation and talking points we might use, and giving consideration to what we might be able to ask and say about topics to which we have minimal connection.

Earlier uncommon posted the audition of the confident bad singer who is either abnormally delusional or a total troll; as a “proof” how confidence is important.

This one is the total contrast, he is awkward and not emitting any confidence on stage.
But Boy, at the end a good talent shows and wins.



https://youtu.be/eMCJUVdUHQs?si=v21twaqQng4V19TU


Competence >> Confidence.
It is a fact of life, I am surprised that we are even debating this.

I can’t tell you how many programmers out there have an “imposter syndrome” (a big self-doubt in one’s skills, lack of confidence) yet are very good programmers. Yet companies don’t care as long they are delivering well.

It is a trademark trait of the industry.

Actually, what I said was that confidence didn't need ability to exist. And perhaps implied that at least some "unjustified" (self-)confidence needed to exist, to even take the steps necessary to become good, or prove ability, in the absence of having not proven if before. Everyone performs for the first time, sometime. Before any external validation can occur, you first have to muster the confidence to actually perform in front of someone else.

Good jorb missing the point.

I live by this


And this



To me, the difference means a punch in the face. Nobody wants to hit someone because they are confident. (I am not eschewing violence, but I am disturbed how many women cannot seem to tell the difference and THAT does generate in me some antipathy to arrogance)


I can appreciate the first line.
Since a lot of my confidence is playing on my own quirks, I don't mind allowing humility or awkwardness to bubble through, but a certain confidence is required to do just that.


Not sure where to go with this.
I seem to have required external validation from childhood.
With my own opinion of myself continually contradicted I had to rely on my perceived normality as a standard of social success. It would seem I had some talent at masking. When I hit uni and had an opportunity to start pretending, I soon realised that nothing made me feel more normal than someone I was interested in saying "yes". Did this validation become my drug of choice?.. the primary...yes. Did this alter my life trajectory...yes. I wouldn't change any of it. I like most of where I've been, what I've done.
I've been without any validation bar my partner's for way too long now, but I can't see myself as reverting to nothing.


Only once I can remember. A flatmate who creeped me out.
I know I knocked her back twice.
It was quite a shock waking up next to her.


I think I might trip over a bar set that low, but you're f*cking awesome.


Awww...HELL no !
This would be a disaster in the making for me.
WING IT !
It's all about responding.



Verily.

I sweat it before I approach someone who intrigues me.
I make that approach the end goal. If I can smile and say hi I know I'll walk away grinning regardless of rejection. The hard part is trying to read what their body language is telling me.
I did not like hearing "Why did you give up?...it looked like she was into you"