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nick007
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10 Jul 2024, 2:31 pm

The method that really helped me deal with loneliness was to move in with a girlfriend who had a bit of things in common with me. Loneliness was a major reason I hated being single & wanted a relationship. Other things I've done were try to socialize online, work a lot when I was employed & management allowed me to work extra, & trying to get out the house more when I wasn't employed. Those things were more band-aid fixes though & I was still very depressed.


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famimalemon
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10 Jul 2024, 11:16 pm

steve30 wrote:
Quote:
How Do You Handle Loneliness?


I don't. Its really upsetting. I never got over it even after a couple of decades.

Same. I'm in a big city working in a huge corporation with people everywhere. I'm never physically alone, but I feel like everyone's brain is different from mine. It's hard to bridge the gap.



arjen37
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24 Dec 2024, 7:02 am

Good question, especially this time of the year I think (at least for some of us).

I do a lot of volunteer work for autistic led organizations that organize meetings for autistic peers. That way I made my circle grow. But most people I only see at those meetings. This period all those meetings stop due to the holidays, so I miss other people around me.

And the contact remains on the surface, a deeper click is almost always missing, it is rare. This year I did meet someone with whom I experience that click, but I haven't seen her for some time. And not yet dared to take the step to ask if she wants to keep in touch outside of the meetings where I see her. That gives an extra push to my loneliness these weeks I notice.


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steve30
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24 Dec 2024, 8:57 am

arjen37 wrote:
Good question, especially this time of the year I think (at least for some of us).


I never used to feel lonely at Christmas, but I do now that I don't talk to my family anymore. As there is no public transport tomorrow, and no shops etc open, I will be spending most of the day aimlessly wandering around desperately hoping I won't need the toilet.



bradlandreth
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26 Dec 2024, 3:33 pm

We can all be alone together ;p



kokopelli
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26 Dec 2024, 3:40 pm

autisticelders wrote:
my social life "is" the internet. I do very poorly one to one face to face or in "real time" texting, messaging, etc. My processing is quite slow because I don't "get" much that is said or done in real time. Instead, reading and writing are my best skills and the computer/internet is the best format for me to really understand. I joined interest groups on the internet to talk about subjects I love, and found many like minded individuals. As we interacted on the pages, we grew to know each other and some of us tried very small gatherings to do interest related stuff together. That worked for some and for others, I knew I wanted to avoid more contact. Those who I was able to handle have been handy a few times a year to meet and do interest related things together. There is no intense emotional stuff, it is all information sharing and learning about our interest, comparing insights, etc. That is enough for me. I think I need far less "social" interaction and am information seeking/ information sharing as my primary approach to interactions with others. Many NT expect to share emotions and I believe the best friendships for me have been ones where emotional stuff is left behind and the focus is on the interest/s we have in common. I think it will be different for each of us.
Hope you find what you need!


Years ago when BBS's started to become common, I worked at a company with a PDP-11 computer. I wrote a terminal program for it that allowed me to use a modem to dial out and connect to BBS's.

If not for BBS's and then the Internet, I would probably go days or maybe even weeks without engaging anyone in conversation.



skibum
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26 Dec 2024, 4:44 pm

Loneliness is difficult for me because the people I am attached to are very specific and the reason that I was close to them is also very specific and no one else can replace them. So when they are gone, it does not matter how many other people are in my life, I am always grieving them.


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pokeystinker
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27 Dec 2024, 9:11 pm

If I knew, I wouldn't be here. I'd be staying on my island and not letting people in.


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Carbonhalo
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27 Dec 2024, 9:28 pm

kokopelli wrote:

Years ago when BBS's started to become common, I worked at a company with a PDP-11 computer. I wrote a terminal program for it that allowed me to use a modem to dial out and connect to BBS's.

That takes me back to designing an acoustic coupler to work with a PDP11
By the time I'd finished the Z80SIO based design I had acquired a Z80 system and the PDP was superfluous

Edit... To retain relevance to the original question
...remotely



y-pod
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28 Dec 2024, 12:11 pm

I've only felt a bit lonely for a little while when I moved out but got used to it quickly. I used to take the train to go all over the city. Read in public library. Go to computer labs. Browse in stores so I can see other people.

I also started accepting any invitation from any friend (even went to an evangelical conversion event) to be with people. It was actually a great year. I did well in school, made new friends, read about 200 books and learned many life skills. Then I accepted a date from a guy in my computer class, and I haven't been lonely much since.

I imagine that if I'm ever lonely again I'll just get active again and go out more, join some hobby groups and do more volunteering. I've always wanted to join a choir and I know I'll pass the audition.


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CockneyRebel
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30 Dec 2024, 5:50 pm

I distract myself with my hobbies and special interests.


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