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Why Men Get So Few Matches on Dating Apps

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Jono
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01 Aug 2024, 4:54 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Amazing video, no blaming, no bitterness, just logic and numbers.




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3lypVn ... meableData


Okay, so knowing this, I have started looking for whether there are any exceptions (for example, if there are any dating apps with more female users). Apparently, this one has a gender ratio which is reversed (about 60% female users):

https://coffeemeetsbagel.com

I have also thought of using Bumble due to the fact that it requires women to send the first message. However, Bumble still has more men than women on it.



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01 Aug 2024, 5:46 pm

None of which considers the fact that most of these dating apps/sites are commercial.
Call me a cynic, but...
To maximise profit they want you to join.
To entice new members they will collate attractive profiles and present them as possibles regardless of distance.
Once signed up it makes fiscal sense to reduce possible local connections or the member may get lucky and leave, so, filter out the local attractive profiles, and restrict local matches.
Keep the messaging system as the only way to contact by removing contact information from messages.
This is one that I find particularly dishonest...leaving profiles of deleted accounts in the system.
Several profiles I've tried to message simply vanish from the system.
An offer will inevitably appear to increase your chances by paying more.
You are more likely to find a match the day before your subscription expires.
There are people whose job it is to maximise profit by algorithm manipulation... You are not a member...you are a target.



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01 Aug 2024, 6:31 pm

They should bring a lighter, no need to worry about finding matches. :nerdy:


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02 Aug 2024, 1:42 pm

Carbonhalo wrote:
None of which considers the fact that most of these dating apps/sites are commercial.
Call me a cynic, but...
To maximise profit they want you to join.
To entice new members they will collate attractive profiles and present them as possibles regardless of distance.
Once signed up it makes fiscal sense to reduce possible local connections or the member may get lucky and leave, so, filter out the local attractive profiles, and restrict local matches.
Keep the messaging system as the only way to contact by removing contact information from messages.
This is one that I find particularly dishonest...leaving profiles of deleted accounts in the system.
Several profiles I've tried to message simply vanish from the system.
An offer will inevitably appear to increase your chances by paying more.
You are more likely to find a match the day before your subscription expires.
There are people whose job it is to maximise profit by algorithm manipulation... You are not a member...you are a target.
A paid autistic dating site I've used was even more dishonest. The profiles featured lots of model looking women that claimed to live in the same town as me. Various people who I've met in real life who lived an hour away didn't know where my small town was & thought that area was part of a neighboring town or city. If anyone seriously believes all those women actually lived in my town, I have some swap land I would love to sell you :wink:


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02 Aug 2024, 8:36 pm

My take is that maybe women are scared to use dating apps.


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02 Aug 2024, 9:51 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Amazing video, no blaming, no bitterness, just logic and numbers.




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3lypVn ... meableData


I've seen this. That's one of the best explanations. Some people think that this data is only for online dating. I think it gives us more of an idea of how dating (especially modern dating) works period.


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02 Aug 2024, 9:55 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:
My take is that maybe women are scared to use dating apps.


Most of them have no business being on there. It's using for attention, bored, or confidence booster. Most women can get a good portion of men without the need of a dating app. That's why the percentage of women active on the dating apps are much lower than male usage.


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02 Aug 2024, 10:00 pm

Graves Knight wrote:
CockneyRebel wrote:
My take is that maybe women are scared to use dating apps.


Most of them have no business being on there. It's using for attention, bored, or confidence booster. Most women can get a good portion of men without the need of a dating app. That's why the percentage of women active on the dating apps are much lower than male usage.

The percentage of women active on dating apps is typically lower because of the harassment they experience - unwanted sexual messages, dick pics, and stalking behavior. It's a big problem. I wouldn't use an app because it wouldn't feel safe. Those who use them are often genuinely looking for a relationship just like anyone else. As with men, dating is difficult for women for any number of reasons. It's often not easy to find a suitable partner.

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https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads ... n-the-u-s/


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02 Aug 2024, 10:05 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
Graves Knight wrote:
CockneyRebel wrote:
My take is that maybe women are scared to use dating apps.


Most of them have no business being on there. It's using for attention, bored, or confidence booster. Most women can get a good portion of men without the need of a dating app. That's why the percentage of women active on the dating apps are much lower than male usage.

There are just so many things wrong with this assessment. The percentage of women active on dating apps is typically lower because of the harassment they experience - unwanted sexual messages, dick pics, and stalking behavior. It's a big problem. I wouldn't use an app because it wouldn't feel safe. Those who use them are often genuinely looking for a relationship just like anyone else. As with men, dating is difficult for women for any number of women. It's often not easy to find a suitable partner.


Some of this is true and I don't excuse those men at all. Quite trashy. However what I'm talking about is the ghosting and being left on read is the most common theme for men looking for actual connection.


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02 Aug 2024, 10:12 pm

Women may ghost for a variety of reasons. Given issues with harassment on online platforms, sometimes they may get weirded out by someone. I actually think having good social skills would be especially important on dating apps for that reason.

Quote:
Younger women who have used dating sites or apps stand out for experiencing unwanted behaviors on these platforms. A majority of women under 50 who have used dating sites or apps (56%) say they have been sent a sexually explicit message or image they didn’t ask for, and about four-in-ten have had someone continue to contact them after they said they were not interested (43%) or have been called an offensive name (37%). Roughly one-in-ten of this group (11%) have received threats of physical harm. Each of these experiences is less common among women online dating users ages 50 and older, as well as among men of any age.


https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads ... n-the-u-s/

I imagine the problem with harassment would be especially high for women in the 18-30 age group.


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02 Aug 2024, 10:25 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
Women may ghost for a variety of reasons. Given issues with harassment on online platforms, sometimes they may get weirded out by someone. I actually think having good social skills would be especially important on dating apps for that reason.

Quote:
Younger women who have used dating sites or apps stand out for experiencing unwanted behaviors on these platforms. A majority of women under 50 who have used dating sites or apps (56%) say they have been sent a sexually explicit message or image they didn’t ask for, and about four-in-ten have had someone continue to contact them after they said they were not interested (43%) or have been called an offensive name (37%). Roughly one-in-ten of this group (11%) have received threats of physical harm. Each of these experiences is less common among women online dating users ages 50 and older, as well as among men of any age.


https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads ... n-the-u-s/

I imagine the problem with harassment would be especially high for women in the 18-30 age group.


Alright, that's reasonable. Women receive a lot of messages so the likelihood of running into terrible men is a lot higher. But men's matching rate is low my 80%. That's a huge percentage. Are you saying that there's no generally good men that's mixed in that huge percentage? That's who I'm referring to.


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02 Aug 2024, 10:36 pm

I’m not sure what you’re asking exactly. I was just saying why fewer women use dating apps and why they may be choosier with whom they decide to correspond with although it’s more complex than that and the video/posts touched on other factors.

If I used an app, I’d probably scrutinize every detail. It’d be especially the case if I had already experienced unwanted behavior of any kind on the app.


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02 Aug 2024, 10:47 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
I’m not sure what you’re asking exactly. I was just saying why fewer women use dating apps and why they may be choosier with whom they decide to correspond with although it’s more complex than that and the video/posts touched on other factors.

If I used an app, I’d probably scrutinize every detail. It’d be especially the case if I had already experienced unwanted behavior of any kind.


I'll simplify the question: Do you think that all men's intentions are bad when going into dating apps?

If the guy didn't do anything offensive or send inappropriate photos and the fewer women that run into theses men, what other factors could it be for them being ignored or ghosted?


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02 Aug 2024, 10:55 pm

Graves Knight wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
I’m not sure what you’re asking exactly. I was just saying why fewer women use dating apps and why they may be choosier with whom they decide to correspond with although it’s more complex than that and the video/posts touched on other factors.

If I used an app, I’d probably scrutinize every detail. It’d be especially the case if I had already experienced unwanted behavior of any kind.


I'll simplify the question: Do you think that all men's intentions are bad when going into dating apps?
No, I certainly don’t think that, but they could be and sometimes are. Women often decide that it’s in their best interests to be cautious (cost-benefit analysis) which is very rational of them.
Quote:
If the guy didn't do anything offensive or send inappropriate photos and the fewer women that run into theses men, what other factors could it be for them being ignored or ghosted?
Maybe he gave them a weird vibe for some reason - social skills are probably important here. Maybe they just aren’t that into him, found someone they liked more/had more in common with, were socially awkward/timid, and any number of other reasons.

As per the research I cited above, women are similarly interested in finding partners. They are just choosier due to stuff like safety concerns, and they can be due to the gender imbalance. Women tend to be overwhelmed on dating apps.


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02 Aug 2024, 11:57 pm

Women also have a difficult time looking for a partner. There are a lot of creeps out there and women get a lot of unwanted advances.


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03 Aug 2024, 12:07 am

TwilightPrincess wrote:
Graves Knight wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
I’m not sure what you’re asking exactly. I was just saying why fewer women use dating apps and why they may be choosier with whom they decide to correspond with although it’s more complex than that and the video/posts touched on other factors.

If I used an app, I’d probably scrutinize every detail. It’d be especially the case if I had already experienced unwanted behavior of any kind.


I'll simplify the question: Do you think that all men's intentions are bad when going into dating apps?
No, I certainly don’t think that, but they could be and sometimes are. Women often decide that it’s in their best interests to be cautious (cost-benefit analysis) which is very rational of them.
Quote:
If the guy didn't do anything offensive or send inappropriate photos and the fewer women that run into theses men, what other factors could it be for them being ignored or ghosted?
Maybe he gave them a weird vibe for some reason - social skills are probably important here. Maybe they just aren’t that into him, found someone they liked more/had more in common with, were socially awkward/timid, and any number of other reasons.

As per the research I cited above, women are similarly interested in finding partners. They are just choosier due to stuff like safety concerns, and they can be due to the gender imbalance. Women tend to be overwhelmed on dating apps.


Right, and men are very underwhelmed. Being ghosted happens multiple times to just one guy. Does "weird vibes" mean asking good questions? Not being interesting? One word responses on her end? What if he's has good social skills and still gets ghosted? I'm speaking on the (good) men's end of it. You could say they weren't the right person at the end the day, but usually that conclusion comes after a few days or so of just getting to know each other. A lot of guys don't even get a few hours to prove themselves.


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