Women, what did it feel like to lose your virginity?

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depends how big he is too! Lol, I still can't believe the thing that started the thread was an accident! Don't blame the guy, i'd have done the same thing

just the standard sharp-pain and bleeding for me, but there wasn't a lot of blood and the pain did not stay with me after we where done.

but everyone is different. after my first time I was scared to do it again, and thus my sex drive was dead, but the more you do it, but easier it gets and the pain is non-existant.

It hurt like anything but lucky for me, he was very gentle. The first time happened with my second serious boyfriend.

Well, a couple of nights ago, we were finally able to achieve penetration. It was still very uncomfortable, but I had followed a previous poster's advice to "Suck it up." Also, my body somehow managed to relax for once!

But then the next night, my body was as tense as ever, and I found myself unable to relax. But we tried penetration anyways. It hurt like hell, like I was being ripped apart. That pain I cannot just "Suck it up." So we stopped.


I think me and my fiance are just going to wait a couple of weeks or so before trying again.


How exactly does one "relax"?
This is where I think I'm having the most trouble. My mind is racing, racing, racing, and I can't stop it. I can't concentrate. Random, multiple streams of thought just happen all at once, all the time, and my muscles are always tense, like they're prepared to fight.

Last edited by CleverKitten on 28 Aug 2008, 7:53 am, edited 1 time in total.

Ask him to help you relax. Cuddle, kiss, do whatever makes you feel better. If you're not relaxed, it's just not going to happen.. the "suck it up" method is just going to get you hurt. Just remember that this will happen, eventually. There is no reason to rush or push yourself. It should be a fun experience for both of you.

It hurt horribly the first time I had it happen, but after that everything felt okay. So I was happy with that.

I lost my virginity at a young age, with a semi-serious boyfriend (i wish I hadn't now) but he was a P***k and said he'd go slow but instead got harder and harder thinking I wouldn't notice. Me being an idiot lay there and felt the stabbing pains, but i was too shy to say anything about it. I was pressured into it not just by him but my friends as well, asking if I had 'done him' yet , and calling me frigid. Yes, he was dumped actually during the sex (I highly reccomend it... XD)

I then was lucky enough to bag a serious boyfriend who told me to stop hanging around with those friends as they were simply bringing me down. I could never be like them, and quite frankly he told me, I shouldn't want to be. The fact he said I could never be like them was that they oozed confidence, walked down the street and all the boys gaped and took a place in their 'queue'. I used to want to be like that, but now I've decided i'm better than that and I'm working on my self confidence (although its incredibly slow and part of the weekly group I attend are catholics and despise me for what i've done)

I am single the now but to be honest I prefer it, as I'm attempting to this time find a guy who doesn't just care for himself and that I have more in common with. I hope y'all don't judge me for this, but I thought it was time to finally share this.

"being relaxed" aren't the right words. You need to be extremely aroused, physically and psychologically, to enjoy penetration. Basically, when you get to that state, the only thing you can think of is "if I don't have sex with him right now I will die!" And it is his duty, as your partner, to get you to that state of extreme arousal. Men watch porn and think that that's what real women are like--that sex is just about sticking their penis inside you for five minutes. Wrong! Real women need foreplay. He should kiss, fondle you, etc. You can also try taking a bath together. There is nothing you can do about it, you can't force yourself to relax or be aroused. If you don't want it, just don't do it. Forcing it will only make things worse. Bottom line is, he should really take the time to explore your body and get you aroused. During penetration, he should be very slow and gentle at first, and only gradually accelerate the pace. Changing the position might help too. Btw, this is all coming from my personal experience.

I remember that I had some pain my first time, but it didn't last long. As others have mentioned, you really need to be ready with lots of foreplay. Even if he seems to be too big, eventually the vagina stretches to allow for penetration. It does get easier over time, especially if you're fully aroused.

I totally agree with this. I used to think that "being relaxed" was "enough". I used to put up with that.

The first time I was not at all relaxed, just drunk, and it was a depressing, uncomfortable/mildly painful, pointless, alienating experience.

And it continued to be so even when I managed mechanical style orgasms as a result of sustained stimulation, ( the boredom! ) before I discovered the joys of extended non-penetrative sexual activity!

For a few years I avoided/refused penetration, which took determination/clarity, which I didn't always have, so that I eventually gave in, always with disappointing results; on a couple of occasions causing the destruction of precious/promising relationships.

I became a mother as a result of suddenly finding out what it felt like to truly want to have sex, ( the penetrative reproductive kind), not just prolonged caresses, lengthy kissing, intimate sensual closeness. I completely wanted it, in that that it almost hurt not to have him in there. All I wanted at that moment was penetration, nothing else mattered. I could think of nothing but that. I gather that some/many people regularly experience this urgent/genuine desire from early on. But for me, aged 35, it was a revelation!

Since my son was born 9 years ago I haven't wanted sex at all; the father has been nothing but a co-parent for the last 7 years, so such desire is not guaranteed to last!.

.

I've had similar experience. My previous boyfriend was very good at sex, he really understood what women (okay, I) want and need. All the men since then have been awful. It is so frustrating! They stick it in too soon, too fast, and are clueless about foreplay. Then they have the audacity to blame YOU for not enjoying it! At this point I've given up on ever finding a man who can satisfy me, which is incredibly depressing . I would give a lot for one night of truly good sex. It's too bad there is no such thing as escort service for women...

lonelyLady said-

there is, have you never heard of a gigolo?

Paying for sex is a bad idea. Most escorts/prostitutes are in bad shape, because the average human being (both sexes) is really not designed to be used that way (impersonally). You'd be better off looking around for someone who's popular with women who'll have fun with you for free. Some guys are good at making it fun for women, if all you want is the sex. Not very many guys, but there are some.

How is an escort more impersonal than casual sex? At least with an escort, you know he would want to please you. I've never used an escort, just curious.

I am 21 and virgin and this kind of stuff scares me a lot. This pain... I mean is it really that painfull?

Well, for the first time ever...

A few nights ago, I was able to take penetration without very much pain at all! In fact, it was even ever-so-slightly pleasureable.

Indeed, it was when I truely wanted it, not just because I was "relaxed". I was prepared not only physically, but psychologically as well. I couldn't force myself to be aroused or relaxed, though. The feeling just came naturally after lots and lots of tender attention.


My fiance was very relieved.
But he still feels very remorseful after causing me such pain when the accident occurred, as well as with all other purposeful attempts at penetration. Oh well, what's done is done.


Thank you, everyone, for your tips and advice.