I could find myself in the ministry [i.e. preaching] with that stalker Brother Onan (B.O.) yet again. When he's out, he ALWAYS puts me in his car group and makes me go to the doors with him even if it means spending an entire morning working a walking territory…just the two of us. If you can’t get someone to court your sorry ass, you can always use your authority to make it happen. (“Brothers” are in charge of deciding which people will work together. A penis is necessary for something as complex as that. When a penis is unavailable, we make do somehow, perhaps with the help of God's penis.
) I wish there was another single woman in our church. Or maybe not. B.O. should probably stay single.