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Asexuality?

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ebec11
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06 Jan 2014, 7:55 pm

I have a hard time because I'm in a long term relationship with somebody I dearly love and want to spend the rest of my life with, but I feel like sex or really anything besides hugs and cuddling are out of the question for me. It just seems gross and since I never have felt turned on, don't get how any of it is appealing. Just don't understand it or want it for myself, just feel sad that my BF who isn't asexual can't have that physical intimacy that he desires.



Crysta
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30 Jun 2014, 8:50 pm

Hi all!
I've always known I was different sexually but until recently I had no idea that asexuality was even a recognised 'orientation'. I feel the same aesthetic appreciation for people I find beautiful, but I don't feel attraction. I've never had a relationship and yes, I have tried sex with both a woman and a man but neither did anything for me. I have a sexual drive which usually coincides with my hormones fluctuating at certain times of the month, but I don't feel an urge to have a sexual relationship with another person. I've never wanted a relationship nor children which people find disconcerting, and even suspicious. It's just not something I want. I'm still finding myself but at this point I'd identify with asexual biromantic.


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Girlwithaspergers
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14 Jul 2014, 10:42 am

I can't tell if I'm bi/panromantic or grey-A


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warner
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16 Aug 2014, 1:40 am

nick007 wrote:
Knit wrote:
nick007 wrote:
I'm sort of on the asexuality spectrum. I am very interested in having a relationship with women but my asexuality is not liming me with them; I have a fairly high sex drive but I handle it myself & do not desire to have sex unless I'm in a relationship & my partner does or talks about wanting to & then I start wanting it due to OCD. I think my unique sexuality/asesuality should make me compatible with asexuals & sexuals who are wanting something more than just a sexual thing & are OK taking things slow in the very beginning. Unfortunately some members of the asexuality community don't consider me to be asexual due to me having a sex drive & me being OK with having sex in a relationship; lots of asexuals would prefer not to have sex at all & some see me as kind of a fake/poser; maybe their insecure with the idea of a guy having a sex drive but being OK without sex & they worry I'll get an erection while cuddling with them or something & then desire moire. The only people who ever approach me for sex are gay guys so I just tell them I'm straight. I don't talk about asexuality offline because I doubt most people in my area would know what it means & I don't think it should make any difference to them.


I think you are what is called 'demi-sexual', and is on the asexual spectrum. There are many types of asexuals. If you haven't already, I recommend checking out the AVEN network, whis is a forum like this one for all those on the asexual spectrum.
I myself am a bi-romantic asexual. I am attracted to both men and women but do not wish to have sex with either.
Plus sex drive and sexual attraction are two different things. I have a sex drive, my hormones work just fine, but I will be very happy to never have to have sex for the rest of my life. Kinda makes it hard to find someone to be with, along with all my other quirks.

I used AVEN for a while a few years ago & some there did not believe that guys could be asexual if they had sex drives. I don't think I'm demi-sexual because what I understand is that demi-sexuals don't have much of a drive or desire in the begging of a relationship but their drive & desire goes up as they get closer to their partner; they tend to have problems when in relationships with asexuals because the asexual would rather not have sex & the demi-sexual wants sex after a while. I don't want sex unless my partner does or talks about sexual stuff so my desire is dependent on my partner's desire instead of it depending on how close I get to my partner which is how it works for demi-sexuals


AVEN is a very supportive Asexuality forum.



Shield
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16 Aug 2014, 10:57 pm

Hmm...I only realized I was asexual/on the asexual spectrum this past year, but I think my friends (all 3 of them) figured it out -or at least knew I wasn't 100% straight.

As for how people react? I don't go out much/ interact with others and I miss enough social cues that if anyone came on to me I wouldn't know it. I usually just turn people down without telling them about my orientation (or lack thereof).

My policy is that my sexuality isn't anyone's business. If they ask I'll tell them, but past that I'm not that open about it.

If someone told me my sexuality wasn't real or that I 'just hadn't been with them' then I think I'd tell them off or just get up and walk away because nothing (to me) is a bigger turn-off than arrogance. If they're that obsessed with their junk, then they can go f**k themselves.

My dad doesn't know, and I don't plan on telling him. It's just one headache I don't need. I tried telling my mom but I'm not sure she understood that I was coming out to her...I suppose it could have gone worse.