How to look better?

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Gossip is like playing the "telephone game."

One person says Amethyst. Pretty soon, the Amethyst turns either into gold, or into cow chips.

You never know what happens when things are passed along person-to-person.

One more thing:

People ALWAYS talk about each other. Behind their backs or directly. It's the way of the world, unfortunately.

This is my view on gossip. Do you have Aspergers too? Neurotypical women do seem to love it. It's built into the whole socializing thing. It's obviously important to socializing. I hear it all day plus every job has work place politics.

I remember last year when I realized there was a whole different hidden world in the work place that mattered a lot but wasn't out in the open. A co worker told me that I was in my own little world and that I should be more aware of what's going on socially in the work place. So I listened to what the co workers talked about and was surprised. So much gossip, drama, politics that I wasn't aware of but had been right in my face. It's strange.

But who has the energy to keep up with this stuff? It's tiring and stressful but neurotypicals do this effortlessly. It's not stressful or unusual to them. It's just a part of socializing. They think nothing of it.

I do realize being in the right social group and knowing the right social stuff at work can get you new jobs or promoted. These little social nuances matter.

Lol. True.

What sort of work do you do, anyway?

I get the feeling you're in advertising, for some reason.

Oh I see. See I'd rather not know about negative things people are saying about me because it makes me paranoid and more self conscious. It upsets me because I'm not saying anything bad about them. Ignorance is bliss to me.

Lol, these social games .

I'm a nurse at an assisted living facility.

Yes, I've been diagnosed with Asperger's/ASD level 1, and my whole life I've never understood people's need to gossip about others in a trivial and mostly malicious way.

In less than deep conversations that are light chit chat, I've always wanted to just talk about "stuff" -- "Did anyone see that thing on TV last night?" Or about personal tastes in things, or I had a weird dream last night -- things like that have been what I'm drawn to if I'm chit-chatting with people. On a deeper level I like to be in conversations about politics, beliefs, spirituality, or if someone shares my interests that's a big one.

I don't like the "Did you hear what Mary did with that Alan guy last week? I always knew she was a slut."

My wife is a nurse in a nursing home.

I hope you have a supervisor who appreciates your work, and realizes the value of taking care of patients over gossiping. I bet you do fine work! Why's it important how you dress? You dress in fancy scrub-type clothes when you're there, right?

It's really hard being elderly, and in need of assisted care. My mother is not at that point yet--but five years from now, she might be. She'll be one ornery person then!

Take the necessary steps to make your skin smooth. You do NOT need make-up to pull this off.

Mix a solution of Coconut-Oil with Baking Soda (50% to 50%), provided you don't have any irrational skin-sensitivities (for which case you'd use more Coconut-Oil and less Baking Soda maybe 70% to 30% or some other formula), and you can use this to keep the skin on your face moist and smooth-looking if you rub it around as your facial-moisturiser.

Eat healthy of course. Lots of fruits (high-water content) has the most-effective effect on skin-texture.
Watermelons, two oranges a day, lots of grapes, etc., just be prepared to have to pee a lot.
Absolutely stay away from dry/starchy foods like breads or anything that contains refined sugars/bleach/etc.

Grow your hair out to be very long or wear a long-haired wig if preferred. Put buckets of water around your rooms/house/apartment, particularly where you're sleeping, for purposes of generating some humidity.

You could also just get a humidifier instead to prevent dry air from causing skin-dryness. Otherwise you go visit those beauty specialists/salons if you have that kind of money to blow on your appearance.

The two of you nailed the essence of it. I have a long experience of working corporatist jobs (yes, it's as bad as they say) and the only people I've seen surviving the grapevine are the ones who deliberately propagate certain rumours about themselves and others. It's still a very dangerous game requiring a lot of skill. I've seen careers destroyed over someone misunderstanding/misinterpreting what was being said to them, or intentionally distorting it. Once you're tainted, it's too late to do anything, even if everybody knows it's not true. Keep in mind that at least some of your co-workers know this and also know how to use it.

My wife taught me early and wisely: never actively participate in gossip and never-ever give any significant personal information at work. Stick to small talk and generalities, that's already difficult enough for us anyway.

I have never gossiped and never will, I don't have the resources to get involved in such things, I say something right to someone's beaming skull if I feel it's necessary for them to hear. I really have little respect for people who chitter chatter when a person is absent, if you're not going to tell them straight then you shouldn't say it, or own those words. I have had a few instances where I've got wind that someone had an opinion about me and have asked why they didn't feel they could say it to me so I could respond, I found most people don't like being confronted, so why do they say it! I must have asked people over twenty times in my life, are you going to tell X you think that, why don't you talk to them about it instead of someone else, I just can't compute how they avoid saying it unless they want to get a surrogate 'one up' at someone's expense.

And on improving looks, exercising, eating well, hydrating and rinsing and moisturizing I guess, seems to have improved me over time from a junkie looking scarecrow into more of a pale vampire, small steps!

Deleted. Double post.

Last edited by Dreamsea on 24 Jun 2016, 9:29 am, edited 1 time in total.

Another thing I don't understand is how do people continuing interacting with others that they know are talking about them behind their backs? I have a very hard time doing this. This appears to be another social rule for women. Women laugh and talk with other women then go behind their backs and talk badly about them.

Once I find out someone is talking about me behind my back I feel disgust towards that person because I haven't said anything bad about them behind their backs. So I don't think it's fair. I have a hard time even saying hi to them. I stop socializing with them because I feel awkward around them and don't want to give them more bad things to say about me behind my back.

I feel disgust towards the one nurse that started the rumor about my looks. She is unaware that I know it's her though. One day after the incident she said hi to me and I kept walking, didn't even attempt eye contact, and mumbled hi. I feel so much disgust towards this woman. She's well liked too. This confuses me. How is someone that starts gossip and talks about others well liked? I've noticed she's stopped saying hi to me which is great.

I think you can tell someone's social standing based on how much bad gossip is being spread about them. My social standing is low. I'm an outcast and misfit so someone like myself tends to always have bad things being said about us behind our backs.

I hope your supervisor isn't one of those who are gossiping.

If she isn't, I really wouldn't worry about people talking behind your back. As long as she's there to do a job, then it's okay for you, too, because you're there to do a job, too.

Just do your job to the best of your ability.

And NEVER show these people that you're upset with their gossip.

It's part of life. And many times, people don't mean what they say, anyway.

And you have a husband who thinks you're good-looking enough. Remember that.

Listen to the gossip. It's true--it can tell you a lot about people.

I have a non-autisitic female friend who loves to play the gossip game. She tells me dirt on everyone in town. It doesn't do me much good, because I forget it all really fast, but I listen and nod and make noises of empathy. She likes this, and it does serve the purpose of letting me know if my neighbors (vicious little social climbers) are spreading s**t I need to look out for repercussions from.

I also know not to tell her anything I wouldn't tell, oh, anyone.

Don't try to participate. Doing it right might get you points with the "right" people...

...but those are the same people that will turn on you with fangs and claws if you make a mistake in the gossip game. And it's pretty doggone complicated.