@sozesurf
^^^ I can feel your wistfulness and disappointment on what you wish you had, but also your love and acceptance.
Have you tried giving her a script for the food and weight conversations? Think of what you would like her to say, that would help you feel supported, and then tell her that the best way to support you would be to say X. If she is ASD, she should be able to latch onto that and apply it, as long you give her something to say she will believe is truthful. Providing scripts works for our ASD kids, anyway; might be more difficult given the reverse dynamic, but it is what I would try.
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Mom to an amazing young adult AS son, plus an also amazing non-AS daughter. Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).