Elgee wrote:
I could see the guy visibly trembling as I looked him square in the eye (this is why eye contact can be SO important sometimes!! !) and made my case. But I didn't mean to scare him! I was just a woman who'd been yanked out of her sleep needlessly, and aggravated that the truck route manager had not fixed the problem.
Still, little harm was done. If the manager had told him and he'd ignored that, he deserved scaring. If the manager had broken his promise and failed to tell him, then appealing directly to his staff was likely a good idea. Granted, you could have broken it to him more gently, but your anger seems to have been natural and I presume you didn't call him any bad names. I'd say your limited aggression was appropriate to that situation, intended or not.
But yes, Aspie eye contact can cause trouble whether it's too little or too much. Dad would stare long and piercingly into my face while he delivered a long monologue, and I'd feel like crawling up the wall. I felt that I had to stare back at him because he'd obviously notice if I broke eye contact, and he might conclude I was ignoring him, which would have upset him. He meant no harm. He was very into Desmond Morris and may have got the idea of eye contact from that, but being on the spectrum he made a mess of it. As it was, I couldn't focus on what he was saying. If he was still alive I hope it would occur to me to diplomatically explain the problem to him, but in those days I wasn't good at such things.
I don't normally give much eye contact myself, but I tried it once on a manager at work. She'd questioned my behaviour and I thought that by looking her in the eye it might communicate the sincerity of my answer. But she didn't react well. She was from Malaysia, and I later learned that Malaysians commonly consider strong eye contact to be aggressive and rude.
07 Nov 2024, 9:35 am
