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Sahn
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01 Dec 2018, 5:03 pm

cberg wrote:
I didn't say I felt attacked, I basically just meant this thread is crass & not necessary. I'm well aware that trying to stop hate speech online is like dumping matches on an oil fire.


I'm glad you don't feel attacked, it's just one person venting, briefly, one time. I found it really funny and blunt and honest.



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16 Dec 2018, 9:47 am

Men on WP are no better or worse than men on other sites from what I've seen from long time lurking and short time posting. Actually they can be fairly nice compared to guys elsewhere. There is the incel/redpill/'boo hoo I haven't a girlfriend and I want a really fit one' ideology (get over it I want KT but I can't have him) but I avoid those sorts of guys or any who try to say that men are one way and women are another (outside of basic biology or ways autism affects us differently or ways that society affects us differently).
I did recently put up something on adult chat wanting to see if other women could relate and it got taken over by guys who found it hot and I got a bit intimidated by that. This isn't me humble bragging btw I got genuinely nervous.
A lot more men than women are diagnosed autistic, might be part of the issue. And 'the internet is for porn' and 'guy in real life' are memes.
Maybe my opinion will change once I've been on here a long time but if I want to be away from guys I go on other sites.
I do wish guys would stay out of women's chat though. There's a men's chat on random discussion and I haven't even clicked it because guys deserve their privacy. If someone says 'do other women have interests like mine' one answer shouldn't be 'geek girls are hot' unless it's from a lesbian/bi woman who also provides what her interests are. Not even from a lesbian/bi girl who doesn't provide her interests and just wants to say what sort of woman she approves of.



cberg
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16 Dec 2018, 10:56 am

I'd like to stay out of here like you said, but it's in the title; I don't get why this is in the Women's section at all. Guys don't have a thread to talk about women behind their backs, I know that much.


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17 Dec 2018, 12:36 pm

Lol that isn't what people generally talk about on here though. How I see it (correct me if I'm wrong, lostonearth) this particular topic (which singles guys out, to be fair) is here because of guys on the love and dating section acting entitled to conventionally attractive NT women (as if Aspie women don't struggle with dating. We tend to lower our standards or stay single).
I mean that I don't like talking to males about things like breasts and periods. I don't care what guys' preferences are, I want to empathise with women without that mix of focuses. Even if it's complimenting women with small breasts or body hair or whatever.
I like big boobs too (I'm mostly gay) but I don't go on about it when women are talking about the struggle to find a bra or feel comfortable. I don't even like talking about female homosexuality with men because of how some guys act around it. I learn to compartmentalise.
If there was a men's forum for things like 'it hurts when I'm kicked in the balls' or 'how to deal with nocturnal immersions' I really wouldn't mind butting out of it because those are private male things and a woman saying 'ooh but dicks are nice though' or 'I don't mind when you're hard when you wake up first thing babe it's kinda sexy' would be inappropriate. I even feel wrong writing that here where little boys might read it.
It makes sense for men to be talking on this topic and feel singled out. But it doesn't make sense for men to put in their input on threads about female biology unless they're doctors or transmen.



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17 Dec 2018, 2:33 pm

Singled out? That was last year. By this point a lot of us feel downright hated.


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17 Dec 2018, 2:38 pm

What bothers me is when I see male posters telling female posters that their opinions and thoughts on women, dating and why some guys may be having trouble don't matter or are irrelevant because we're not 'neurotypical' women. I mean its not like aspie women are some totally separate species from neurotypical women and thus totally clueless about the experience of being a woman. So yeah that is annoying but its not a majority of posters, I've just seen it from time to time.

I mean what if I told a male poster here that because they are an aspie their experience of being a man is irrelevant, and should be disregarded? I do not think that would make them feel very welcome in the WP community.

I mean it hurts to be alone and want a relationship, but that's not an excuse to be hurtful to other people here by telling them their experience is irrelevant.


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17 Dec 2018, 2:41 pm

cberg wrote:
I'd like to stay out of here like you said, but it's in the title; I don't get why this is in the Women's section at all. Guys don't have a thread to talk about women behind their backs, I know that much.


Its not like its a hidden section that only women can access, so how is it behind anyone's back when there's nothing that would restrict anyone from seeing this thread?


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cberg
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17 Dec 2018, 3:07 pm

It's a good thing that we haven't entirely turned women's & men's stuff into a concrete double standard. If there were a guys' section on the forum, 5 bucks says we would all get sick of it & invite the women to join us.

Exclusivity is ultimately pretty lame.


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envirozentinel
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17 Dec 2018, 3:17 pm

I tend to agree. Those old time gentlemen's clubs where everyone just sat around playing cards and smoking must have been very dull!


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karathraceandherspecialdestiny
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17 Dec 2018, 3:48 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
What bothers me is when I see male posters telling female posters that their opinions and thoughts on women, dating and why some guys may be having trouble don't matter or are irrelevant because we're not 'neurotypical' women. I mean its not like aspie women are some totally separate species from neurotypical women and thus totally clueless about the experience of being a woman. So yeah that is annoying but its not a majority of posters, I've just seen it from time to time.

I mean what if I told a male poster here that because they are an aspie their experience of being a man is irrelevant, and should be disregarded? I do not think that would make them feel very welcome in the WP community.

I mean it hurts to be alone and want a relationship, but that's not an excuse to be hurtful to other people here by telling them their experience is irrelevant.


This has happened to me a couple of times in conversations with guys here. Also the opposite, where they assume you can't be autistic because you're female so they tell you you can't possibly understand their struggle. That happened to me just yesterday on here, even though I was diagnosed over a decade ago. There are definitely some guys with very sexist attitudes towards women and specifically towards autistic women floating around on this forum.



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21 Dec 2018, 9:25 am

cberg wrote:
I'd like to stay out of here like you said, but it's in the title; I don't get why this is in the Women's section at all. Guys don't have a thread to talk about women behind their backs, I know that much.

I'm not sure if it's you or someone else who I was reading on here who was gay, but if you're gay it's slightly different.
It's a bit like if a guy you liked was talking about how it stung when he peed and you said 'you have a lovely penis though. Can I watch?'
What I take objection to is straight blokes reading women complaining about breast pain or period pain and responding by talking about how sexy women's vaginas and breasts are.
Yes, it's good that we generally mix socially but some things, physical things should be kept separate from the sexual desire of the observer and the separation of the sexes seems to be a good way to do this with heterosexuals.
The rest of us (homosexuals and bisexuals discussing the same sex) have to learn to compartmentalise so when the guy whose penis you like complains of pain in his penis, you respond to the pain and not to the mention of a penis. Or if a woman whose breasts I liked said she had pain in them, the same, I wouldn't respond to the breasts but to the sympathy I felt for her being in pain. Because I'm female, I can advise medically (as could a male doctor) if I'd been through the same thing.
It's tough for autistic people to have boundaries like this but it's important otherwise the person feels like they lack privacy or a place to be themselves outside of being sexualised.



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21 Dec 2018, 10:06 am

envirozentinel wrote:
I tend to agree. Those old time gentlemen's clubs where everyone just sat around playing cards and smoking must have been very dull!
[opinion=mansplaining]

Exactly why old-time gentlemen's clubs were so attractive -- they were quiet! No kids crying, no wives nagging, no one complaining about how much smoking, drinking, and card-playing was going on ... pure paradise! It makes me wonder if those old-time gentlemen's clubs may have been founded by successful, yet undiagnosed aspies.

[/opinion]



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21 Dec 2018, 10:13 am

I think I would get sick, pretty quickly, of only hanging out with guys.

Women add quite a bit of zest to things.....



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21 Dec 2018, 10:58 am

TUF wrote:
cberg wrote:
I'd like to stay out of here like you said, but it's in the title; I don't get why this is in the Women's section at all. Guys don't have a thread to talk about women behind their backs, I know that much.

I'm not sure if it's you or someone else who I was reading on here who was gay, but if you're gay it's slightly different.
It's a bit like if a guy you liked was talking about how it stung when he peed and you said 'you have a lovely penis though. Can I watch?'
What I take objection to is straight blokes reading women complaining about breast pain or period pain and responding by talking about how sexy women's vaginas and breasts are.
Yes, it's good that we generally mix socially but some things, physical things should be kept separate from the sexual desire of the observer and the separation of the sexes seems to be a good way to do this with heterosexuals.
The rest of us (homosexuals and bisexuals discussing the same sex) have to learn to compartmentalise so when the guy whose penis you like complains of pain in his penis, you respond to the pain and not to the mention of a penis. Or if a woman whose breasts I liked said she had pain in them, the same, I wouldn't respond to the breasts but to the sympathy I felt for her being in pain. Because I'm female, I can advise medically (as could a male doctor) if I'd been through the same thing.
It's tough for autistic people to have boundaries like this but it's important otherwise the person feels like they lack privacy or a place to be themselves outside of being sexualised.


A: you're thinking of someone else & B: Your last sentence is exactly how I feel about this thread. Anyone can be judged by these criteria.


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21 Dec 2018, 12:03 pm

a lot of testosterone in this thread.


what's this subforum called again?


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cberg
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21 Dec 2018, 12:15 pm

See how guys get shamed over our biology constantly? I rest my case.

Either this thread is a joke or it's just about hating the majority of us. Peace.


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