Bipolar/Aspergers support and chat thread

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^Hello. I share the same worries as you. I don't know how i will cope after my parents pass away, they are what keeps me going.

I am also hopeless with financial stuff and am very scared that i will be unable to take care of myself when my parents die. I am trying to prepare myself for the future and old age but i don't even know where to begin. It is so scary to live like this, with this uncertainty. Even therapy is so expensive and without my parents' support i wouldn't be able to afford it.

What are some bipolar symptoms y'all experience? I haven't been diagnosed, the only thing I've noticed is constantly changing my mind.

Me personally. I have fits of anger. I have put holes in the walls and attacked my relatives (in self defense). I lash out verbally when most people would just walk away. It's very hard for me to be around people. I have strange dreams. I have strange thought processes. I self medicate heavily with cannabis. Also alcohol but I have been good about that lately. Some days I'm so amped up. Some days I'm so low and full of despair. I follow no rhyme or reason. I can play my guitar for eight hours straight or make art. Basically shutting out the world. Thankfully I do not have to work or support myself. I could not function. I never leave my home because I can't act normal in public. Some days I can get a lot done around the house, other days not so. I do bathe and keep my environment clean but this is a very recent development in the past year.

I was diagnosed with Autism as a child and Bipolar about 15 years ago.

I am very interested in what you call "strange thought processes." I imagine many of my thoughts could also be characterized as such. Would you also say you struggle with impulse control? Do you have OCD traits? I highly recommend reading The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat. It gave me a lot to think about.

I struggle a lot when I don’t get enough sleep or don’t go to bed on time. What’s sometimes difficult. It instantly effects my mood.

In general I would say I’m very stable, what haven’t always been like this and I learned to deal with many stressors, but not when I don’t have enough sleep. I simply can’t.
I’m mostly effected by depression and mixed episodes though, less so from hypo mania.

Hello, diagnosed with manic depression in the 70’s then bipolar 2 eventually diagnosed with Bipolar 1 six years ago. Medication for depression sent me off the rails and I did some things I’m not proud of. Never thought I was bipolar. Self diagnosed autism (online tests) around 9 months ago. All the puzzle pieces fit into place. Suspected I was for a number of years but my covert narcissist partner talked me out of it because I didn’t display the same symptoms as her young nephew. Took her word for it because that’s what I always did. Only checked because I saw a PBS special about a little girl with the same first name as mine that was autistic. Made me do some research. Soon discovered I have practically all the characteristics of female autism. The same ones she liked to demonize me for by the way. She still won’t accept it because then that would make her the”bad guy” for the mental and physical abuse she’s heaped on me for the last 6 years.[Everything bad that happened was my fault to them. I made them do it] Have had anxiety, social phobia since I was a child.Separation anxiety. Would meltdown easily.
On my own now for the first time and never happier in my life.
Pardon me for not knowing the correct terminology I’m still navigating my way.
Such a relief to find this forum.

I hate being autistic and bipolar, all the other DCs i had as a child now perfectly fit in autism and bipolar. Meds help but being alone and lonely all the tome when no one gets you ism hard

I am differently abled with Bipolar Mania and Aspergers. In my case it means that I cannot work. Work stress makes me go manic, I give back to society by volunteeering at a food bank, I find iti rewarding.

I was clinically diagnosed with manic depression in the 70’s - what is now called bipolar. By that time I was married with a husband 11 years older than me who did everything he could to keep me from going to Therapy. Even though he saw how I was suffering. Now that I think about it maybe it was because he liked to see me constantly in turmoil. Or he was afraid I would talk about him and our relationship. And figure out he was a manipulating covert narcissist. At the time I didn’t have a clue. Believed all his lies about his own victimhood, but also knew I had a problem that needed fixing. I thought I was the problem not him. I’ve been anxious and fearful since childhood. Separation anxiety, school anxiety, social anxiety, just anxiety in general. Always preferred being by myself and was constantly frightened. Didn’t care enough about myself or money. Two of the most important things you need to survive. In fact if guys flaunted money around or what they had, then I didn’t want anything to do with them. This was before I was married. My future husband pretended he was dirt poor and borrowed a junk car so I would go out with him. Most guys with money are obnoxious and full of themselves. He fooled me which I quickly found out, but by then it was too late. I fell for him. He told me later he was testing me because he didn’t want someone who wanted him as a cash machine. Guess I fit the bill because I didn’t know what he saw in me at the time. Now I know I was too young and naive and full of ridiculous ideals. He saw that and knew I was someone he could control. Or so he thought. My self esteem was just that low. Knew I wasn’t like everyone else and everyone else knew it too.
When things got really bad with me I defied him and went to Therapy. They gave me pills of every description. Zoloft, Paxil you name it I got it. And I only got worse. Manic episodes that make me cringe when I think about them now.
If I wasn’t manic before then I surely was after being medicated. Bipolar II then bumped up to Bipolar I when I made my great escape from CA to WI. Still didn’t know what was actually “wrong” with me until last year when all the signs pointed to female autism. Put my entire life in perspective. It’s miraculous I made it this far to 69 years old. It was never easy. Still isn’t. But I like myself more now than I ever have. Not complaining or bragging. It was pure dumb luck that I made it this far.

Wish I had known earlier. Maybe I wouldn’t have been so hard on myself.

I was diagnosed with bipolar around 15, I was going through a lot, and needless to say I still don't know if I truly have it. Almost everyone in my life assures I don't have it, but as I've gotten older I can't help but notice the mania symptoms.

Sometimes I get euphorically happy for some hours, maybe the whole day. But throughout, moments of intense despair that come onto me for no reason. I feel floaty and high (without drugs or help), but I get unwarranted lows, and then it goes back up again very fast. To onlookers, these highs/lows are mainly invisible. I am not the most expressive person due to fear of over-stimulation.

Here I am.. trying to figure it all out. Been working through the bipolar diagnos but turns out there maybe more to me.
Grateful for a diagnosis ɓut also exhausted of not functioning "normal:

So, I am late diagnosed both Bipolar (II) and Autistic (along with ADHD and Generalized Anxiety Disorder). Didn't get my Bipolar II diagnosis until age 27 and just got my Autism diagnosis at the age of 34.

Hi I'm autistic I was diagnosed

I was suspected manic-depressive in my late teens but discovered cannabis suppressed everything. It became my go-to mood stabiliser for 45 years.

Ahoy-hoy.