My brother STILL has issues with me getting married and...

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It needs to be weighed carefully while also keeping in mind that she's done her fair share of waiting. Dissecting the lives of each man beforehand can only go so far. Smacking things with a baseball bat isn't ideal but gauging his character from onc incident isn't going to be accurate. There are plenty of men with no records who could be trouble.

I would just go with whoever gives the best vibes.

I’m sure that’s what you would do because you aren’t in a vulnerable demographic and don’t appear to understand the risks involved.

It IS important to ensure safety. That can happen by getting to know someone well first and avoiding people who display red flags such as angry episodes that were significant enough to be jailed for.

Well many people, especially nowadays (due to chemicals in their diet when growing up?) tend towards violence. On average, in a heterosexual partnership, the man will be stronger than his mate (no I won't try to corroborate that with statistics) and even if a guy basically means well, if something sets him off he might get violent, even if he regrets it later. Being incarcerated in an American prison won't help with that. Experiencing violent behavior, including sexual, from fellow inmates is part of the punishment. If Jerry was sent to prison for violent behavior, it may well be that he's acted violently on other occasions when he got away with it. Just speculation, though.

What's worse in my mind though is that I get the impression that Jerry may have gotten an expectation that won't be realized if OP is then dating guys she met at Day Program. Most people won't deal well with that sort of situation. Few, ex-convict or not, would simply just walk away. Such a situation could lead to violence, including sexual violence.

I hope that Miku will talk to counselors in her day program about Jerry and tell them about the ENTIRE situation. Hopefully, they’d be able to offer guidance and help her watch out for concerning behavior in ways that we can’t. I don’t see why Jerry should even be considered. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Until a decent fish comes along, there’s nothing wrong with taking care of business on one’s own. That’s why God created sex toys. Er…not that I’d know anything about that.

Just because she's vulnerable doesn't mean to say she doesn't know what she wants.

I would say she's pretty smart actually.

I wish I had my sh*t together like she seems to have when I was younger. The only advice I have is that your first time might not be anything like you've seen in a movie. Even a sh*t movie.

I like Jonathan but he can be a bit unreliable sometimes!! !

If I end up not going on the date with him tomorrow then I will just talk to Richard again and have him tell me which guys at Day Program are looking for love AND want to get married because I am done wasting my time with all of this!

I NEED to start dating someone

The issue isn’t so much intelligence. I was intelligent but still experienced abusive situations. The problem is that people on the spectrum often struggle with recognizing red flags due to our social difficulties which is why the rates of sexual victimization are so high among autistics. I’ll also mention that, in the US, to qualify for a day program, a person has to have significant needs, so I think that Miku could be even more vulnerable than some.

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 16 Mar 2024, 9:31 am, edited 1 time in total.

I would be surprised that any man who qualifies for a day program like that can easily find romantic partners of the "opposite sex", although the concept of "looking for love" can be understood in different ways. I would really try not to be too focused on marriage though. Some guys may not be opposed to getting married, but most are primarily looking for a girlfriend and would probably not give serious thought to marriage until after getting into a relationship. You should be willing to at least go on a date with somebody who hasn't yet decided they want to marry you.

Talking to counselors in the day program is a good idea. Even if they don’t direct you to someone in the program, they could give you solid advice since they know you in real life.

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 16 Mar 2024, 9:34 am, edited 1 time in total.

Well she might as well just get a dog then.

I can't think of a woman in this world autistic or not who isn't in some way or other vulnerable.

At least she's smart enough to come here for advice. That's what I meant about being smart.

People think I'm street smart but it doesn't stop me from being vulnerable.

I don't know about day programs so I can't comment on that.

@mikurotoro92 If you like Jonathan and he likes you then there's not much to stop you from dating. I wish you well

Well let's hope Jerry doesn't try to stop them.

I keep imagining Jerry with a crowbar and a balaclava

And a track suit.

yeah

I think a plant might be a better place to start. Dogs and cats are not inexpensive and can be a lot of responsibility someone new to pet ownership is probably not used to.

I don't think Jonathan and I are going to work out!

His job keeps getting in the way of dating so it's best to find another man at Day Program to date and get into a romantic relationship with!