Being nice

Post Reply New Topic

^I haven't read it, but yes living in the now is important, worrying about what did/might happen isn't good for the soul.

I still don't get how it's not personal to punch someone. Isn't that the ultimate of taking it personally?

It of course can be personal, but it doesn't have to be, and you're still missing the crucial distinction, a sense of being specifically targeted.

Imagine I was playing cards with someone and caught them cheating. Maybe I'm furious and want to beat them up, because that's what you do to cheaters, but I'm not claiming the cheating was done to harm me personally, it's just a reaction to unfair or underhanded actions. The reaction I've been talking about would be more like "how could you do this to me?", "why do you hate me so much that you'd cheat me?", etc, thinking the cheating was about them or hurting them, i.e. taking it more personally. The reaction doesn't matter, what matters is the feeling of being singled out, when in fact you're being treated the same as everyone else, e.g. the cheater cheats with everyone.

The only point I disagree with is: "because that's what you do to cheaters,". In my world, one simply doesn't engage them again. It is not necessary to beat them up.

So, what I am hearing is that women tend to believe their mistreatment is specific to them as opposed to just being the way it is. To me this is a strength. I would not call either reaction BS, though. I would call the initial provocative treatment BS, ie. the thief.

Getting punched in the face is very personal. This reminds me of a conversation between the villain and hero of one of my favourite book series, and the hero replies with something like 'Not personal? Being eaten is very personal'.

That's not germane to the argument, it's just how things were.



The women I happened to work with in a specific industry, yes, any more general application is your own.



You're free to think whatever you want of it, you'll notice that I never said it was good or bad, just my observation.



I never said the reaction was BS, I said the job was no BS.

I'm done arguing with you Dox. I can't make out anything from the mire of words you've created. Your decision to enter this thread, I assume, was made because you feel your contribution is worthwhile. But you suggest that your point is a trifling one, an observation. Oh well.

I try to get along with people and be reasonable. I notice a lot of people are passive aggressive and talk behind each others backs, both guys and girls. It just seems pointless to me. I mean, I can understand if they do it to let off steam, but some of them seem to do it just to be mean and create drama. It gets annoying, but I try to block it out as much as I can.

This seems to be a common problem you have.



You seem to have mistaken a casual discussion on the internet for a much weightier venue.

[mod hat]

I'd like to refer you all back to the title of the thread

As I read it, Dox said something that could be read as a malicious generalisation, but probably wasn't meant that way. People who read it as sexist naturally got upset, and then everyone got a bit upset about the crossed wires and perceived malice.

Suggestion: take Dox's word for it that he meant nothing more than "these specific women I know reacted in this way, and overall specific women I know act differently to specific men I know in this way". Dox, avoid insinuating things about people when they disagree with you. Everyone, move on.

Im thinking about how much envy/etc plays into the ability to be nice to a person.

From the outside someone could look like they have it good, but if that changes people generally become softer with the person, like as if they see the need for balance.

I am rumored a nice person but in last two decades I hate humnanity a lot. I canblt see how unless conditioning was strong >_<

Okay.
I find Dox's contributions to this site useful and interesting. I was not trying to score points. Sometimes I just get hung up on things.

Being nice is a good habit. Always stay as simple and nice. Develop good habit in life. happy life need all these things. I am literature professor and I researching about the topic good qualities in life.

What is gas lighting? I'm naive.

Anyway, from an NT woman point of view, there's very few women I end up liking. I give them a chance in the beginning and being Miss Etiquette - I'm nice. What I learned is there are very few you can trust. Nursing is the worst. Extremely competitive. You're always being tested about your education, how many certifications you have. If it's not that, then women are trying to outdo each other with who has a better boyfriend, who had more fun on vacation, who has better hair, the newest tattoos, who has lost the most weight - it gets old. I'm tired of working with women and going to school with women. Women will find your weakness and use it against you.

So for awhile I thought it would be better working with men and to a point it is because they are more laid back. I actually work with quite a few men nurses now and I'm finding they are laid back and some will help if asked, but for the most part I'm finding they are too laid back and don't take the job as seriously. Some women are like that too, but many more men I'm finding are this way in nursing. Men don't gossip as much which I like. I think I still would much rather work with men. I really like men professors too. Again, I think each person deserves a chance before being put in a certain category. But men professors just seem more laid back too. I don't know if men are like that around other men or if they have the competitive problem that I find with women.

I have very few women friends because they end up stabbing me in the back usually. I have never had a guy best friend which is too bad because I'd like to do some guy things, but I think I'm too girly for most of them. Idk. Wait, I remember I did have a guy friend that I used to do a lot of things with (how did I forget that?), but he ended up wanting to date and he was younger than me so I felt a little weird about that and it ended.

One thing, if someone gets on my bad side I don't hide it that I don't like them and want nothing to do with them. I don't like my next door neighbor (the Biatch) and boy does she know it. I don't like fake people and I won't act fake. That's probably why I don't have very many girlfriends. I still remember being on the HOA board with 4 other women - what a nightmare. One was a control freak and didn't like that I didn't follow her around like a little puppy dog. The other ones were too scared to get on her bad side which I ended up doing. I got along with one other woman on the board - Mary. We were a lot alike - we believed all homeowners should be treated the same and if they broke the rules then they got fined. The other 3 played favorites with their neighbors. Of course, I would turn their neighbors in and that's how I got on Sarah's bad side. It was hell. But because I believe in fairness and not giving certain people special treatment (her neighbors) me and her got into some horrible fights. It was bad. I'm laughing now, but it was so bad that me and Mary dreaded the monthly meetings. Sarah went behind our backs and spent Association money without our knowledge and some other things I can't remember now, but I got so mad that I publicized what they were doing with people's money to the whole community and one night Sarah came over drunk (she's an alcoholic) when me and Mary were sitting outside and I honestly thought she was going to kill one of us because she said we were going after her neighbor. Yeah we were because the police thought there were drugs being sold there. I'm rambling, but I just have never had any good, solid women friendships - some jealousy or whatever comes out and I have to end the friendship. I had a 20+yr friendship with 6 women (group) and cut that off because one for drunk and called me names you would only call your worst enemy and now I'm on the outs with Mary (a10+yr friendship) because she's bipolar - she was treating me like I had the plague and ignoring me and I have no idea what I did so instead of putting up with it I'm now treating her the same way and we aren't talking. I'm tired of people treating me like crap and thinking in always going to be there and I'm not going to be. No one takes friendships seriously anymore.