"Go out!! !! !"."Be more confident". "

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Do you hear that all the time?


NT people just don't understand that it's not easy. I hate hearing other people tell me to do something with my life. I'm aware of my problems, but it's just not easy.



If I become nice to someone, they take advantage of me.


If I'm more out going, I'll get ridiculed.


It's just best for me to just shut up and be my self. I'll just have to accept it.



I guess I will die a loser.


I have never had anyone say anything good about me.

The only time people will attend to me is after I die, but it will be too late. I'll won't witness it.

Ooof. Bad day, eh? I've had my share of those.
Why listen to amatuers? You're the expert on what you need and enjoy.

Myself, I decided to just be a postive in my little world, not a negative. Maybe no one ever sees me, but they enjoy my flowers. And I enjoy that thought.

Find the blessing of your life.

Don'T despair you will find a way just believe this doesn't require any religious belief.You would be surprised how much you are relied on.Perhaps you should try and avoid people who depress you and try new things it isn't easy but no one will encourage you.Depression is almost impossible to live with at times but if one accepts it it can get easier.

I have similar problems as the OP about socializing, and my parents always tell me that I should get out more and be more self-confident...It's a vicious cycle if you ask me, darned if you do and you know the rest...

Tim (aka the Slipperman)

I am convinced that it is easier to change one-self, that to try to change to the world (some of them call it: to be mediocre). In fact, right now I am studying that so much we are necessary to be related to the others in order to really be happy (my theory is that the socialization is over-valued)

Just for balance...
Stay Home!! !! ! Be more confident.

I'm very confident when I'm home alone. Not a trace of insecurity or doubt.

Ok, well maybe I doubt that the flowers I planted this evening will survive...

Makes as much sense as if they said,"Be taller! Be more talented!" But they don't know that.

I'm the same way. I know what I'm capable of and proud of it. I also know that my social skill are very lacking, and that comes across in how I act around other people. Unfortunately other people usually interpret that as an overall insecurity.

I hear those things a lot, but nowhere near as much as I used to.

"Go out!! !! !"

No. Go away.

"Be more confident!! !! !!"

(Surely anyone who's ever heard me speak about my ability in the things that I'm good at would know that my problem is not a lack of confidence.)

Yep. I find it safer to hide. People on a chatroom get a stronger sense of who I am than people in RL because my confidence is shot.

Seems someone gets it. You'd think that NT people would have the answer to anything because... well, it's their rules we're playing by.

"Go out more... be more confident... initiate more conversations" - I've heard that as much as you. Imagine what kind of epic failure might happen if these people followed their own advice.

OMG sometimes my mom like BEGS me to go out, go clubbing, go out with friends, and I'll just be like, "no it's ok, I'm happy here (at home)" lol.

I love that I'm a homebody, but where will I meet guys then? You know?

Then on her "off days" she'll start taking out her anger and stress on me, telling me I have no friends, I haven't had a date in like 4 years, and that I'm too much of a loner and need to get a life.....depressing I know.....

But yeah I get that all the time...at least from her! LOL

And I definitely find it so much easier to socialize online. I'm actually really funny, and sweet, but most people in real life see me first as aloof or just too quiet. I don't really show my true personality to everyone, just my closest friends with whom I'm completely comfortable with.

Well, an NT today told me to join the Peace Corp, or the local UN chapter. He also would have suggested a foreign exchange program, if I were still a college student.

Essentially, things that would force me into a structured social environment.


Randomly seeking socialization can only go so far.



I think I might actually follow his advice. I'm doing nothing with my life as-is, and I can't find a job (with a Master's in Computer Science and 2 years experience), either.

The more you go out, the easier it gets. For me atleast. I have had this conversation many times with my shrink and i have only just realized he was right.

I hear "Be confident!" a lot. It's some of the stupidest advice. What do people think is going to happen - that I'll be like "Wow, confidence! I'd never thought of that before!" and suddenly become very confident? Most of the time I think it's amusing. "Just relax!" is the one that pisses me off. I have anxiety issues, so it annoys me when people just brush those off with their little esteem-boosters. As if I could choose to relax.

Anyway, do what works best for you. My opinion, NTs tend to put way too much value in socializing. It's okay not to be outgoing.

I know! It drives me crazy. I mean, if it were that easy to go out, be more social, etc don't you think I'd actually do it?!
I mean, no. I love being isolated in my house and sympathetically dragged out by my family (who constantly pressures me to go on meds!)