do you like your son/daughter the way they are?

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Or would you cure them if possible? I had a talk with my dad yesterday morning and he said he wouldn't change me but said if I were mentally ret*d or like a girl down the street from us who's VERY autistic then he'd cure me if he could "waive a magic wand" and do so. Do you think it all depends on how handicapped the person is like my dad was saying? Or do you think any disability is bad? Discuss here.

It all depends on the individuals involved i think. Parent and child. And i don't think we can speak for what we haven't experienced (i.e. parenting a worse off child)

As difficult as daily life can be with my little lady, i wouldn't change her at ALL! I know without the hard parts, the amazing parts of her woudln't be there, it's all part and package of her different way of thinking and it is all part of who she is, a very very special and treasured little girl. She scares me sometimes and tests me like i wouldn't have believed but i LOVE her mind, the way she thinks, and i wouldn't trade it for the world!

If someone's very autistic and you waved a magic wand wouldn't you technically be killing them and giving the body to someone else?

I'm at WP because of my own autism, but my eldest child (who died in 2007) also had AS (it's how I found out about myself).

I loved her, of course, especially as a baby (but that's typical of me with my children; I am not really a "kid person"). I wouldn't have changed her ASness, but she was also a sociopath, and you bet your bottom dollar I'd have waved a magic wand and changed that in a heartbeat. She was becoming a very scary person, and some of her AS traits (impulsivity, intense focus) made her all the more volatile / dangerous / scary.

She wasn't a charming sociopath; she was just overbearing. Nor did she premeditate ways to hurt people or animals or whatever. She didn't get off on that kind of thing. She just treated people like conveniences, using them for what she needed and kicking them aside--sometimes literally--when she didn't need them. I used to say she had a very, very tiny conscience, and I think that's an accurate way of describing her. And in no way related to her AS. She just happened to have both.

The part of this that I think is interesting here is that my view of her sociopathy--as a problem I would definitely have changed if I could have--is how some people view AS/HFA. Maybe somewhere there's a group of sociopaths working for their right to neurodiversity. I don't say this to be clever or cute, I'm serious. Are they misunderstood, or do they have a real problem that should be cured? It's a rhetorical question, just to point out how viewpoints differ and no one has "the truth."

I do like my son the way he is, but if i were able, I would take away all of the things that make his life difficult, like his social skills deficit, his motor skills, etc. Not because of me, but because they bother HIM.

That is a very good question. I think it has allot to do with acceptance. Around the time of the diagnosis I would have changed it all in a flash.

Who was this person? who stole my son? I couldnt cope, and I just wanted him to be the typical little kid he used to be.

Untill with time I figured out that no one stole him, this was always him. And yes I agree with 'The Kings Raven', if we could 'cure' him tomorrow, who would he be? Then some one would have really 'stolen' him.

I would have to go through the grieving process all over again, and try to get to know this new person!! I thankfully have moved to the acceptance stage, and now can accept him exactly the way he is.

Sometimes I also wish I could change things, so that his life would be easier. But what always keeps me going is that: I have read here on wrong planet from the adults with AS, that you wouldnt want to change. While my son is little I just do my best to support his self esteem, and give him confidence in himself, I guess that will help him cope in later life.

What a great question, but no...I wouldnt ever want to change my son xx

No, I wouldn't change him no matter the level of his disability. He was born the way he was and I love every tiny bit of him. As we made decisions about his treatments, he has always been involved in the process. It's his body and he should have a say even if it's me that makes the final decision (he's 10). But right from the start I made him a promise, I would never try and change him. Only help him to be the best version of himself that he can be. I've held on tight to that promise and I would never go back on it.

I think sometimes parents have a tendancy to see children as an extension of ourselves, and then we realize that they are their own unique person with their own thoughts, dreams, and views about life, with varying degrees of acceptance of this fact. What I'm trying to say, is that it completely depends on the parents willingness to accept their children as they are, and not neccesarily whether or not they are AS.
I have two children, one with AS, and there are frustrating things about both of them, but I wouldn't change either one. Everything about each one of them, the good and the difficult makes a whole and complete package that would be fundamentally altered if a single thing were changed.

My son has a sweet spirit and a loving heart. He is always trying to find ways to help other people and he love to do volunteer work with me. I wouldn't change that for the world.

For me his dx was a relief, a name for what I knew was going on. While I would love for his life to be easier I think that going through hard things makes people better and build character. I'd rather he not be some of the kids I have seen who grow up with easy unchallenging life and then they grow up they can't handle the difficulties of adulthood.

I love who my sons are, and would not want to change them! However, if I could wave a magic wand and take away some of the things that really cause them difficulties (allergies, sensory stuff, anxiety), but without changing the fundamentals of who they are I would be tempted. But then I remember that their difficulties and struggles will form the basis of their characters, and I guess I am grateful that I don't have a magic wand or that choice.

My son is not broken or ill, therefore there is nothing to fix or cure. I dislike this line of thinking, it's bothersome. We were always aware of our son's personality and quirks, so he hasn't 'mysteriously' changed over night. His meltdowns are challenging but it's a matter of being patient enough and teaching him what he needs to learn to cope.

I have to agree that to use the 'magic wand' would be essentially taking away the person in question, they are who they are. Saying that you would want to change a person like that implys that you wish they weren't in your life and they are a burden.

Aspergers is a Disorder not a Disability..

Any good parent will recognize that we're Different, not Disabled.

I love my daughter exactly the way she is (as one shirt I bought her describes it - "Profoundly Autistic, Ridiculously Cute"). The only thing I can think of that I would change about her, had I the power, is that I would make her continent, so we could stop buying pull-ups for her.

I think it very much is a matter of degree. I believe that most loving parents will come to accept and love their kids as they are, for their own unique selves, but what is heart breaking and difficult to accept is when you know your child can never be independent. For my son, that is not true: I am quite confident that he will someday stand on his own two feet, even if the road to getting there is going to be a bit long. He may even come up with the worlds next great invention He's fun and quirky and very HAPPY as a person. It's a total joy to have him in our family, and to know he is my son. There is nothing to drive us to want change for him. OK, the social issues can tear at me a little bit, but it's a pretty small thing, in the great big scheme of things.

But imagine if my son was always depressed. If he hated his life. If his talents didn't rise up, and his life was drowning in burdens. Then HE would want to be different. And, so, I would want it for him. If your child doesn't seem happy or able to function in any way in this world, you, as a parent, are going to want to do what you can to change that. It is our job, after all, to raise happy kids that will grow into happy adults able to stand on their own. Just how driven I would be would probably depend on what I believed my child wanted - I am, generally, highly child driven when I make my decisions, trying to be sure I do what they WANT for themselves, not just what I want for them.

I am very driven right now to change certain things for my NT daughter because of the simple reason that she is NOT happy. It comes from in her, part of who she is, and how to "fix" it remains a total puzzle (I will NOT just throw medication at her; I will avoid that entirely). But, yes, for her whatever it is that needs fixing, I want to fix it - because she does. And that is my NT child. No one comes without burdens. They just come in different flavors.

THAT is what i was getting at. I love my son the way he is, but he has areas of difficulty that make him not like who he is. If I could take that away, I absolutely would.

I really like my son the way he is. He doesn't seem disabled to me at all -- I often think it's the rest of the world who is disabled! The ONLY reason that I try and modify a few of his behaviors is so that he will feel comfortable and more sure of himself as he gets older while he is among NT's. If I could live on a boat with he and my husband, traveling the world and never really having much in-depth contact with the "real world," I would do it in a heartbeat -- because I enjoy being with my son so much, and I love his outlook on life, etc. -- but this isn't realistic, and ultimately it isn't the best thing to do for his future.

Most parents just want their children to be happy -- that's pretty much what it boils down to. So most of what we do is with the end-goal of trying to help make sure that our children our happy -- and we'll do whatever it takes to achieve that goal.