Asperger's and flirting?

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I'm yet undiagnosed, but I'm seeing the shrink in a week. It occurred to me this morning that although I find it very difficult to charm other women, under the right circumstances I can be successfully charming and flirtatious with men, especially those who are a generation older than me. Is that incompatible with AS?

I don't mean I can go out and pick up a guy (nor would I want to), but that if I'm in the right context I can chat along rather well, as long as it's kind of a flirty banter. However, if there are other women present the whole thing collapses. It's like women see right through me and see something they don't like, whereas the men may be slightly intrigued, and enjoy their own reflection in my flirting...

Does anybody know what I'm taking about?

In early childhood I hit all the criteria for classical autism. All my life I have been told to stop twitching and sit still, to stop being lazy and just do it, that the intense headache and nausea was "all in your head" and to just stop analyzing everything and pull my head out of my ass and so on. By today, I have gotten fairly good at "Playing The NT" as it were.

I was born autistic, but I was also born an extrovert so I crave the exhange of points of view. You might even say I have an abnormally intense interest in perspectives. I have practiced practiced practiced, and gotten fairly good at being charismatic. This often provokes jealousy from other men, which makes it a lot harder to pull off with them and those they influence.

Once a person gets past the initial this dude is a little wacky stage and make a connection with my personality, they make allowances for being eccentric. So yes, I think I do know what you are talking about, and no I do not believe that to be incompatible.

my parents say that already as a child I was charming with men, though not with boys my own age.

but I consciously trained myself in the art of charm, by practising in front of the mirror and of course by trying things out. I guess maybe I can make my quirks seem charming by being a little flirty, but obviously that doesn't work quite as well with straight women. and the fact that I'm most comfortable around older men seems to tick women off...

I am the same so I do not think it means incompatible with AS. I find it very easy to pick up men. Basically I like most of the same things as men, I am hypersexual and whilst I am a poor judge of my own attractiveness, no one has ever called me ugly so I guess I must be attractive enough. I do not even mean to flirt but I have been told I have been flirty by many men. For example, when I had very long hair I used to twist my hair around my finger all the time obsessively. A guy told me this is a flirtatious move. I had no idea! I also have been told I because I always return smiles that makes me flirty as well. I only return them as I find if I imitate others' expressions they think I am normal. I laugh a lot too as I am easily amused and apparently laughing at a guy's jokes is another flirty move.

I do not get on well with most women at all too. I don't know why, but it is probably because I cannot relate to feminine women as I think most of what they talk about is very boring. I get on well with nerdy women though.

I can deffinately relate. When it's just men I tend to jokingly engage in flirting with them and when a woman steps in it all breaks down. Or I continue the playfull banter and get weird looks from the women while the men join in and laugh with me.

Speaking of things you do that people tell you are flirty. I'm tall, wide shouldered, and physically confident if occasionally butter fingered. When people stumble my reflex is to catch them, with guys I'll just support a shoulder, with girls I tend to just palm the small of the back/hip. Apparently this is "making a move". Apparently it is a very effective move.

Hmm, my reflex would be to watch them fall and try to hold back a chuckle. You massive flirt, you.

I don't know if this is relevant to know, but I am an Asperger's woman and all my life, even in my teens, I have had an aversion to men and boys who flirt. Please note: I have not had an aversion to men per se (most of my friends are male), and I enjoy good-natured teasing, subtle wordplay and witty conversation, provided that it is the type of thing you could do with your mother, sister or brother. For me, an intimate relationship should begin with a friendship.

My own opinion of flirting flirting is that it is stupid, and besides, it is so difficult a skill to develop for those who cannot do it naturally, that I think they should rather find themselves a mate who likes other forms of fun and conversation.

PS: I am very vivacious, and neurotypical men initially seem to take me for one of those fun-to-be-with girls with a "bubbly personality". I guess I can be that way, but when people take that as a signal to flirt, my heart sinks and I lose respect for them.

I was always successful with men and flirting came natural to me from a very young age. Women, on the other hand, hate me and I despise them. This is, I suppose, because the women in my family are the ones who made my life impossible because of my Autism. So much so that I'm a fanfic slasher

To flirt is to indicate a desire to have a closer relationship with another, in a manner suggestive of a romantic or sexual interest, done with some degree of obfuscation typically. Just because I express a sexual interest in somebody does not mean I wish to actually have intercourse or even kiss them. It can be an intellectual curiosity.

Real world hands on example time, Greentea has made statements in various threads that have intrigued me. I want to know more about how they think and feel about things because I have found so far that their insights reveal more of myself to me. They just referenced being a fanfic slasher, and my immediate thought was "Oh really? Who are some of the characters you have matched together?" Expressing this to them is flirting, because it reveals that my interest extends to knowledge of intimate romantic and sexual areas.

When people specifically point out things I do as flirty, or more flirty than others, it seems to revolve around the obfuscation aspect. The more subtle the things you do that gradually provoke someone into revealing more intimately of who they are, the more of a flirt you are. The more straightforward and open about it you are, the less it is called flirting and the more it is called just plain hitting on somebody, or even propositioning. When I just walk up to a girl and say "You are just gorgeous, may I kiss your hand?" I have just made an overt sexualized proposition. If instead I had said "I like how you've done your hair, it really frames your features nicely" I'm hitting on her. Before I head out with a friend I look him up and down and say "Lookin sharp my man, ladies look out" I just expressed an intellectual interest in his appearance and sexual prowess.

I am intrigued. What did these women in your family do (if you don't mind telling)? (BTW, I have no idea what a fanfic slasher is.)

Drat. Now I am going to get even more paranoid when men pay me compliments.

Err, I dunno. It doesn't mean you couldn't be, I suppose. Maybe it's that your friendliness and attempts to socialise are being interpreted as interest? I wouldn't decide if you were/weren't autistic on one thing like that, because there's a couple of different interpretations which could mean different things. But talk to your shrink, he/she'd probably know more than I do about it.

Err, I dunno. It doesn't mean you couldn't be, I suppose. Maybe it's that your friendliness and attempts to socialise are being interpreted as interest? I wouldn't decide if you were/weren't autistic on one thing like that, because there's a couple of different interpretations which could mean different things. But talk to your shrink, he/she'd probably know more than I do about it.

Paranoia is the exact opposite of what I intended to accomplish. Say you are somebody I care about, somebody who I want to have the things you want. One of the things you want is to look pretty. Well even if I'm not intending to pursue any kind of romantic relationship with you, I am capable of judging things that I think look pretty. Saying I think a girl is pretty, and that a particular dress or hairstyle or pair of glasses draw my attention more directly to her most striking features, indicates I have some level of physical attraction to them. On the flip side, the fact that she asks me how I think she looks, inherently means she takes at the least an intellectual curiosity in my sexual interest in her.

Context matters a lot in how behaviors will be interpreted, and every observer has a different context. When I drop that line on random girl I don't know at an event, it is hitting on her. I say it to my mom or sister before we headed to the event, I don't think many people would see that as hitting on them.

Does anyone else have the experience that socializing with older men is much easier than younger? My theory is that in addition to being flattered by the attention of a young woman, they're also less likely to notice oddities in my mannerisms, or they'll just think it's quaint. A lot of men my age have me pegged as strange from pretty early on, I can notice that they withdraw with that slightly confused look on their face and talk to other people instead.

I don't know, maybe what I think of as flirting is less likely to be perceived as flirting by older men and they just find me entertaining, whereas my peers think I'm both weird and a flirt at the same time....