No idea what to do with controlling/overprotective mom. . .

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Even though I've been taking my pills and thinking what to do when it comes to being more independent when it comes to making friends , I have no idea what to do anymore since my mom is always in the way.

What I know is that
1. She is conservative with tradional values of how a family should work, this is a very big one since just about all her discions come down from her tradional values

2. She also thinks the world is upside down and is always getting worse.

3. I could've had more friends than what I have now but since my mom is always worried about me and who I would hang out with, there's really no way they could be my friend.

4. I could've already had a girlfriend but since my mom is opposed to dating since, to her, it's pointless and would just be more of a burden on me from getting an education.

5. She dosn't like it when I become more independent and have some more insights beacuse she wants to be the one in control and regrets me from getitng there. Think of it like... control > autonomy she dosn't want me to be successful in my own way but in her way.

6. When we get in an argument, she blames it from me not taking my medication. This is sometimes wrong but it dosn't help solve the issues I'm in right now.

7. From my last IEP meeting, my teacher, teacher aid, and social worker all agree that I've been improving on myself socially and on my school work compared to what I've been when I was in the 10th grade. Oh yeah, my goal that was made was to be more social, something I'm having a really hard time on at the moment.

8. It's very, very difficult for me to discuss what's going on and there's no room to negoiate almost any kind of automony in a more social way.
So proving myself to be more responisble is pointless and a waste of time, I've had this advice and took it but backfire into me having some serious depressions when I'm at home and in school since it never worked.

9. She never seems to encourage me to be more social and seems to do it when It comes down to my education.

The only ideas I have to get better is that i either..
1. provoke her into negatiating with me being more social and use what happen in the IEP meeting and the people who i know that would support me as leverage.
2.Wait until I graduate from high school and tell how I feel about her
or...
3.wait until i finish community college and tell how I fell about how she treated me while being 1-12 hours from her when I'm in a university.

So.. what do you think about this situation?

she does not have BPD, but these guidelines will work - especially the part about setting boundaries

http://www.borderlinepersonalitydisorde ... andard.pdf

read it, you WON"T regret it brother

This is kind of a lame answer but...
since you are 17 you should use the one to two years left in your strict traditional home to develop good habits and discipline. This is because when you turn 18 and 19 the world of your past will be gone and you will ironically miss the predictability of it (most people do I'm just making a general statement).
Most people have parents that are disagreable/different/strict etc., don't waste time worrying about changing your parents. When you are 18-19 they won't be able to stop you from living whatever kind of life you want.

oh yea, I forgot to tell you...when you are eighteen you should move elsewhere if you can a.s.a.p, don't waste time trying to change your mom.

also, as far as the social aspect...develop a social life now outside of your home life and reach out to make friends, friends do not come finding you if you do nothing.

I had the exact same problem with my mom, especially at your age. When I was 18, just like your mom, my mom would not allow me any input in ways I could be successful. She controlled what i did with my life. I needed a year or two off after high school to figure out my life and instead she told me to either go to school and/or work. Having Asperger's the only jobs available in my area at the time were all service jobs, that deal with people, which I can not do with Asperger's. I did not want to waste time in school because I did not know what to do.
In 1997,I had no choice but I applied for school, but I wanted something medical but when she told people I had autism(I got diagnosed with atypical autism at 3, but diagnosis changed to Asperger's 2 years later, in 1999) they told me that I could not do medical. I got stuck with writing class and a disability lecture class, which I never needed. I did not have any learning disabilities, since I was in honors classes in high school, just social-emotional and sensory, that is all. So it was pointless learning how to study, when i already knew how to study the college way since high school, that is what they taught us in my school system. I quit and got a part-time job, which was not successful due to my disability. A year later, in 1998, I quit and landed back in school doing art, which i do not like doing. I went into a deep depression had anxiety, but hid that from her so well, she thought that i was doing well.
When i told her that I quit school and could not work,she gave me a look and I "freaked" out. She sent me to therapy, at an Autism agency where I was diagnosed with Asperger's. I only wanted to go get a simple career assessment at a disability job agency, where they give career assessments and I can figure out my path. I also needed psychotherapy, so i can be able to get the emotional support I need to succeed.
But unfortunately, I got put into the Autism Center's Adult day agency and their group home.I never needed the day agency because the day agency is for people who have mental retardation and autism who also have co-morbid psychiatric disorders. The day agency does not offer career assessment, but instead the client sit in a unit all day and do nothing. They do not have job training and the things I need. When they do get a piecework job, they only teach the task to the clients, that is it. I am way too high functioning for that place because all of the clients are not able to even have a job in the community or if they do it is supportive employment they need 1 to 1 job coaching, where the job coach only teaches the task, not actual skills to succeed at the job. They do not offer competitive employment and the do not have the tools to teach actual job skills, like ethic, social and/or things one needs to succeed. I never needed a group home or any residential services, since I was 100% independent and ready to be on my own, but the agency and my mom wanted control over me because they had no confidence in me.
So my mom's need to control hurt me, where now I have self-esteem, self-confidence issues. For many years, since my mom's need to control my adult life, i developed depression and anxiety. Just recently, I took control over my life away from both her and the agency(I no longer go to the agency's day program and I am leaving the residence). I no longer needed medications and my depression and anxiety subsided. the psychiatrist said that i did not have a depression and/or anxiety disorder. Instead my depression and anxiety was "situational" because my life was treated inappropriately where I received inappropriate help and my mom and the agency did not respect my independence by "controlling"me, even though they, especially my mom, should have never "controlled" and/or butted in in the first place.
I think you should get a therapist on your own,without her help, so that way she was no control into telling the therapist that you are not capable which would keep you in her control for the rest of your life. When you do get that therapist, tell them what is going on. Get the m to advocate for you. Then you and the therapist can talk to your mom to get her to "change" her ways. Get a therapist who specializes or who is aware of Asperger's. Be careful and tell them about your capabilities because the can mistake you for having regular autism and you will be stuck not only in your mom's control, but other people's, as well. Trust me it is not good for a person with Asperger's to be in other people's control, when independence is the best thing for people with Asperger's.
Good luck with everything. I hoe this helps.

Ohhh s**t... not more people with that kind of parents...

The only advise I can give is: allways agree to do things her way and then do it your way anyway when she isn't looking.

Welcome to my life, Camera.

Parents of aspie's often feel challenged by us and as such, try to force us down.

Another thing is they don't understand us. Oh, she may say she does but she isn't us. She isn't one of us, not gifted. And so she fears you.

because she knows you can be better than her and she thinks you're essentially a mental or social invalid, unable to help yourself.

Since I've been warned off giving violent, blood-thirsty advice...seek an outside negotiator. Someone to act as an intermediary so whatever you want get's agreed on after being compromised. This way you have it on your side.

If you get this done, make sure to get it in writing and have copies made. Your mother might try to destroy it so she can regain her steel grip around your neck.

I myself don't use medication and for the most part, I'm well adjusted. Borderlining a few serious psychological conditions...but yeah. My mother also tries to control me.

Best you can do is bide your resentment and move out asap.