Social phobia?

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Ok, maybe this is just semantics, but maybe not..

A phobia is, by definition, an irrational fear, or at the very least, a fear overblown to the point of becoming irrational.. So is it a phobia for someone with an autism spectrum disorder to be terrified of social situations? When there's a very real danger of being rejected no matter how hard you try, when you never know what it is that you're going to do wrong that's going to suddenly cause everyone to hate you. Maybe it's hard to tell the difference, but I think that they may be mutually exclusive, or usually are. Some people are afraid of social situations because of a lack of social skills. Social phobics will have diminished social skills, but that will be because of the phobia, rather than the fear coming from the lack of social skills.

Does that make sense?

i have asked myself the same question and agree with you. sometimes i even think i dont really have anxiety either, it's just that i keep getting these reactions from people like im odd or strange or a freak, so...... who wouldnt get phobic, its a natural reaction. add on a lifetime of the same results and i can see why iyts gotten worse for me over the years. lately im experiementing with different strategies with the help of my therapist.

It is sort of is semantics as in none of these conditions exist as an absolute. But I think you find you are a mixture like me. You may have learnt behaviours with false beliefs, difficulty understanding social situation and a history of being teased for it, avoidant tendencies that may make you less informed about social things, etc.

I think social phobia is learned for most aspies. It certainly was for me, being rejected nearly everywhere I went. I remember I was outgoing when I was younger, but increasingly less so as time went on.

I'd say it was definitely learned. It might be called a phobia because of the overwhelming nature of the fear, and the low likelihood that social contact will definately lead to physical danger... But I say it's a valid and learned fear. I've gotten into some physically and psychologically dangerous situations quite innocently.

I wouldn't say that you don't have anxiety.. but justified nervousness isn't a phobia. Certainly the anxiety exists, and is very bad. But when you're almost guaranteed to be treated like crap, getting panicky about going into a social situation doesn't constitute a phobia. It would be more disordered NOT to get nervous in a situation like that.

and i agree with you again

this is one of the biggest issues im struggling with. i am pretty much ok on most other things in life but this one bothers me still. i have a mild expectation/anxiety everywhere i go that im going to run into some jerk looking at me like im roadkill. i just started seeing a therapist and we are starting to work on some approaches , but i find it very hard to "buck up" as they say when the results are so consistent. fortunately when i meet people one on one its often better than casual contacts.

Interesting to read - I never really thought about the learned aspect of it, but that is definitely true. Funny thing is that I'm learning to also have it online and not just IRL.

The really funny (not so much) thing. I've left a few nice comments on people's blogs (asperger's) and sent what I thought was a nice PM to someone in the Asperger's community and even those were ignored. It seems I don't fit in anywhere.

You think you don't fit in anywhere because you've sent messages to people who aren't good with social situations, and they didn't respond? Consider that for a minute.. Say it was you, and someone read your blog, and thought "oh, that seems like a cool person" and sent you a message? How would you approach replying to it? I know if it were me, I'd want to, and I'd try, but I'd get all panicky and figure that anything I said could only decrease the person's opinion of me.

I guess I looked at it a bit differently.

First - at one place - the blogger answers comments in the comments. Welcomed one of the other "new" commentors and ignored my response. Whatever. I'm used to it.

And - someone initiated contact with me and it made me a bit uncomfortable (subject matter). But knowing what it's like to be ignored and misunderstood, I figured it would be best for me to overcome my initial reaction (delete and ignore) to instead give an honest response. I know that's what I appreciate - I'd take honesty over being ignored any day. My experience with the NT world for over fourty years has been the cold shoulder.

And - I'm not trying to be all or nothing here. I know that all people have issues. I guess I saw alot of friendliness and verbosity towards others on these blogs and really wondered, like so many other times, what was wrong with what I wrote that it didn't deserve or earn a response.

Because - my first assumption isn't that THEY did something wrong. My assumption is that I did something wrong. And of course, I have no clue what it was - I re-read my messages, think that I sounded friendly, understanding, whatever. So, I continue to guess and wonder and figure that I won't reach out again the next time (but, then I will - because I can't help myself - not sure if that's optimism or some kind of weird self-hate knowing what is likely to happen).

Same here. I've gone from being really loud and outgoing from the other extreme and now I can hardly talk to anyone that's not my close friend.