Do I need to be polite?

Post Reply New Topic

I cannot tell if I need to be polite and decent around my grandmother. Plus, I don't know how to make sure I am doing so (best I can do is use a fake personality around her/play dumb & ignore her). She basically is the most negative & nosy person I've ever met. She makes nasty comments about my friends (if they are not white, come from unusual family situations, moved here from out of the area, or have medical problems/mental illnesses & learning disabilities, etc.). I hate this! She also tells me personal stuff about people she works w/ (don't want to know) & asks me how to deal w/ other autistic/disabled kids at school (she works at me ex-HS/why I'm REALLY glad I FINALLY graduated)! She came over & made me go shopping w/ her recently (hate shopping but she refused to leave the house/parents not home, sibs & me uncomfortable). She never seems happy or pleased w/ anything (thinks my mom is stupid, my brother is perfect or something/unfortunate b/c we do not have a dad(yeah, we have 2 moms instead) & I am incapable of functioning-all EWW) . I cannot stand having to be nice to her & acknowledge her at our frequent family functions (she's hard to avoid b/c she lives .5 miles from my parents too). So, do I need to be polite? And how the heck can I be, what is appropriate here?

p.s. More detailed description of part of my one blog.

why be polite when she's not ?.

Respect should be earned, not given on the basis of age or relation.

If she treats you like that then be short and cool with her.

I am one that will not give respect if it is not earned.

If your grandmother cannot keep a civil tongue then she does not deserve one in kind.

Regards
GM

I don't think you need to make an extra effort to be nice and polite to her, as long as you are not "sinking to her level" - meaning don't be as nasty to her as she is to you because then you're just as bad as she is and that's not a good thing. Avoid her if you can, don't say anything if she talks to you - stuff like that. If she starts making comments about your friends/family calmly tell her you don't like those comments and then walk away if you can. If you can't walk away then I'd try to ignore it as best you can.

Your G'ma sounds like my mother... who also talked non-stop and you couldn't get a word in sledge-wise.

She's dead now (sigh of relief), and now I can look back and realize she was one of the bitter, nasty Aspies... she's who I got this from.

While she was alive, before any of us knew about the AS thing, I determined that I did not want to be like her when I grew up, AND I noticed that I was well on my way. Sooo...

I learned how to be respectful, because is was exactly what she was not. I think a person can be respectful while at the same time setting some very firm boundaries. Being respectful is not the same as being a lying toadie to her.

Think of it as the Israelis and Palestinians sitting down to negotiate... they don't much care for each other, but diplomacy depends upon restraint at the table.

As a teen, still living at home, your options at the moment are limited. But you might want to consider whether or not your G'ma is an Aspie... ask about her special interests, etc. Begin to find out about your opponent, and if it turns out you do think she's AS... well, isn't that interesting? How do you deal with an angry, resentful, pissed off, rejected, older Aspie?

And just to make things interesting, she's probably deep in denial.

Life... nobody could make this s*** up.