public school advice

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My 4 yo was recently diagnosed with Asperger's and we are wondering what might be the best type of public school option. He already has an IEP and we are lucky enough to live in a region that has wonderful supports for special needs kids. Our house is on the market (ugh - wish us luck) and we have many various districts to choose from. Our boy is very smart, but also has many struggles with transitioning, socializing, attention span, etc. Is it best to pick the "best" distrtict, known for great grades and honors kids, or is it better to pick a more laid back district with a wider range of offerings. We also could chose a rural district where everyone knows everyone, or a district so big that it's easy to get lost. Part of me says it may be a good idea to get him started on the honor track as a way to channel his smarts into something positive. The "best" district is also known nationally for its science and math clubs, so maybe he won't be the only one stuffed in a locker. Then again, the pressure of this type of school might be too much. Maybe a rural district could be the way to go as everyone would come to know my son quickly and possibly come to accept him as he is more readily. Although I think that boredom could potentially be a very bad thing. Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated (from both parents and students).

I know that my own personal experience in public school was less than fun and I know that my boy has many challenges ahead of him. Even still, I think that the social exposure is very important and have no plans to homeschool (at least not for now). Private school is also off the table as we simply can't afford it.

Could you visit the schools and staff in the districts you will choose from? Being there in person might give you a better sense of which will work best for your son. Just a thought.

I'd ask a few students/parents what the student body and the administration is like for certain schools. districts basically separate a bunch of schools (or atleast in my area), so look at the schools individually. note though that the administration might be great at some schools but that's not what I'd worry about. what I'd worry more so about is the student body because in the end he may get through elementary fine but once middle and high school hits the student body starts to show it's true colors. I'm in the situation where we have an amazing admin. but the student body is awful, and because of this I almost killed myself because of the student body alone. Teens/preteens are meaner than any administration you'll come across, so a great administration is nice, but I'd be more worried about the student body since that's all that teens (NT or Aspie for that matter) need to justify an act of violence or suicide. good luck hope everything goes well.

One thing my parents and I found as we were growing up is that social appropriateness is every bit as important as an academic challenge--and this was a hard won piece of knowledge. Like many people on the autism spectrum, I faced a myriad of abuse and misunderstandings from teachers and students alike. I've been slammed into lockers, on the wrong end of vicious gossip, chased with knives, called foul names which I will not repeat due to space constraints and sheer redundancy,and one guy tried to run my brother over with his pick-up truck--with the teacher not 20 feet as away as she watched! (among other things)

Since then it has taken me years to come a place where I can begin to regain confidence in me. To not confuse the psychiatric professionalese with my worth as a human being-- or consider normal,an average, not a prerequisite to being loved.

But back to your situation:

My experience tells me that social appropriateness and services are vital.That compassionate staff and well-placed services are all too often under emphasized in educating a child on the autism spectrum.Especially if they are highly verbal and look "normal". But whatever you decide, remember that others' advice is not an indication of what you should do or be, but is a barometer of your surroundings. It's up to you to decide the appropriate way to take action.

First call the schools and ask if they would be truly able to give your child what he needs. Then go to the school look around ask questions speek to the teachers that would be working with your son. Make sure to walk around the parks and playgrounds near the school to get a feel for what kind of kids yours will be going to school with. Best of luck finding your new home and selling your old

I think what you are going to want is a diverse student body that is proudly diverse, where acceptance of differences of all types is embraced by the families and the faculty. You won't know that from test scores. In fact, schools that face more challenging populations, and thus are likely to have lower scores, are generally the most diverse.

At the same time, you don't want to be fighting for every service, need or accommodation, and sometimes more "successful" schools have more leeway in what they can do for your kids. But they are just as likely to decide that they don't need to care, they are successful, and consider special needs kids a pain to be wished away.

In other words, you won't know unless you are "in" in some way. Definitely tour the schools and ask to talk with the resource department, and see if someone will allow you to talk to another parent with an AS child at the school (this can be touchy since diagnosis' are confidential).

If you can find out special needs experiences through the grapevine, that would be great, as well. Particularly if anyone has experience with special needs kids in advanced classes; most advanced teachers seem to still be caught off guard to find IEP kids in their class, and have no idea what to do.

We had a wonderful experience with the elementary school, which was this incredible, energetic, open, small and diverse community that was struggling to keep its diversity and test scores at the time we started there. Now everyone knows about the school; funny how things change. Test scores are still not as high as some because the population is more difficult to teach, but people seem to "get" that now.

The middle school has been more challenging mostly for the simple reason that it is a labeled program improvement school and, thus, gets its hands tied on more things. Also, because it is so large, the diversity isn't really an asset anymore; everyone just separates into their own populations and doesn't mix like they did at the elementary school (although the kids from our elementary school still do, they are quite outnumbered). Plus, well, middle school kids are difficult, period. And, finally, we found that my son's advanced classes weren't willing and weren't required to give him all the accommodations we were used to. Apparently that is the way it is here, because everyone figures the child can always bounce down to on-level.

I wish you the best of luck. I don't know how it gets accurately figured out without being there. Meet the schools, talk to parents, and trust your instincts.

Do you anticipate your next move being a long-term move or short term move? If you're thinking this will last through middle and high school, looking for a school district will be different from looking for only elementary school, and you really do have to look at the middle and high school offerings - including what the school district's attitude is toward private placement, whether it meshes with your own, and whether, if it is something that might be in your son's future, there are any schools in commuting distance, that would be appropriate to his needs at that time. You have no way of knowing, now, whether your son will be fully mainstreamed and "indistinguishable," or in need of a smaller more specialized setting. If your school district cannot properly provide for his needs, will they be able and willing to contract with a private school locally?

Another issue that you need to investigate is the district's attitude toward dually identified students. Many districts still consider students either in need of support or gifted, but never both. You need to be in a district that recognizes and supports students who can be both. You may not know at this point whether your son will have learning issues, but if he does, you don't want his supports to be provided at the expense of his receiving the challenging academics that his intelligence warrants.

It is helpful to speak with (in person or online) parents of children a bit older than your own, in the geographic areas you are considering. Some school districts have parent groups for parents of students with special needs; other areas have ASD support groups where information about different schools/school districts might be obtained. These groups can be enormously helpful in helping to make these decisions.

Thank you all for your advice. I have asked some local parents and therapists about their thoughts on the schools around here and everyone seems to say that they are all excellent. While that's certainly not a bad thing, it hasn't been very helpful. I do plan on touring them in person, but as some of you have mentioned, the administrators aren't always representative of the teachers. I hadn't even considered examining the student body, but that's a great idea. After all, it's the kids that may have the greatest impact on my son's happiness at school. I also never thought about whether the schools vould identify my child as gifted and disabled. I don't know any other local families with autistic children, but I do plan on seeking them out through support groups. One step at a time. Sorry to hear about some of the middle school nightmares. I don't think those days are happy ones for most kids. If I had it to do over, well, I wouldn't.