A Coping Method Or Fanatsy Land?

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I really don't know where to start, before writing this I had everything Iwanted to say in my mind and articulated but as I come to writing it it all goes, in my mind I have a 'safe haven', I think everyone fantastises and wonders how there life could be changed for the better, mine has always been in music, since I can remember I've always loved music and used it drown out unpleasant thoughts and turned it up way high so I had literally no more room to pocess anything else going off, but when I was fourteen I changed and suddenly the world seemed to be on my shoulders and I started to become very aware of my surroundings and my experiences, school wasn't a great place for me either, looking backa t tat time I hink I was agrophobic to some extent, straight after school I would go straight to my room and stay in ther all night and not have much interested in socializing or even having a conversation, I'd count down the year(s) and days when I'd leave school for good and trying to make it seem not o far away, I started listening to music through my headphones and blaasting it out and that was my comfort zone, that was the only thing I had to look forward to,m getting home to listen to music, but as started feeling more worse and repressed under all of this anxst I started to daydream in music, it wasn't real but at least for that period of time i would be to me, Id' fantasize that I'm singing the song that was playing and dancing infront f a crowd andgaining respect and, it was a place where I could have positive attention, be respected and successful above everyone else, thinking about this I think I must have been really desperate to have gotten to this opoint, since then it is still my coping mechanism, my 'safe haven' but now at seventeen I feel as though I need to move on from this and deal with things in a practical and realistic way instead of turning to music for my quick fantasy fix, I fele reaslly pathetic writing this but I feel I need to come to terms with it and not need to rely on it to protect me, basically all of my emotion and creativity goes into these fantasies, I've even made up a few msuci videos in my head that go to some songs and some ideas that in real life I feel would be really good, the main reason I want to get out of this obsessive fanatsy is because I thinkthat all of the emotion and creativity I put into them could be transfered into real life, I don't mean as in being a popstar because I can't sing, but using ll of my emotions and creativity into these fanstaies can't be too healthy, because I feel mentally drained afyter I've had my fanastasy, also I waste my motivation into this aswell which could be used in real life to be a more determined and on-the-go kind of person, but I don't know if sttopping these fantasies would do that, but I think maybe if they stopped I would obviously need to find some new way of coping with situations. Only for the past year or so I've been seeing it as a negative thing, because I'm scared of detaching fromt he real world or eventually becoming dellusional. Also if I stop these I might not be able to cope in any other way and I may feel alt worse than I already do, but I don't know if this music thing is actally helping me, because without it I would probably be in a whole worse state and suicidal as a reasult of havig to face things that I'm not strong enough to yet, half of the time I feel that I must be crazy or schitzophrenic to be liek this but that's probably just my anxiety and negative thoughts doing that. I need to find a healthy oulet for my vreative thoughts and stuff otherwise if it stays itnernal it can only result in something bad I think.

Hi, Anonymousboy. Have you talked to a parent about how you're feeling? If you're worried about your ability to cope and fear losing contact with reality, you need to tell someone. You might benefit from seeing a psychologist and discussing your concerns. Have you tried that before? Jenny

I was the same way at 14 - that's exactly the same age I started getting into music and found the artists that I still listen to today (I'm now 25). I think most people that age are just starting to discover their tastes in music, and most people that age are also looking for an escape because hormones are raging and puberty is really kicking your a$$. Since you have Asperger's you probably escape into your fantasies more than someone without the syndrome because life is extra tough being on the spectrum, especially at an age when people spend more and more time with their friends as a way of declaring their independence from their parents. I still escape into music like you write about today, as well as favorite tv shows, movies and books, especially if I have had to spend a lot of time around other people - it just helps blow off steam from all the over-stimulation. I have not lost touch with reality in all the time I have been doing this, although I used to worry about that like you do. I think as long as you're aware that there is at least the potential to do that then you will be fine - sort of like "If you are aware of the fact that you may be crazy then you're not really crazy at all."
One of the traits of Asperger's is having intense, almost obsessive interests - it sounds like your love of music is just that. I would keep doing what you love, and maybe start thinking of ways you can channel that love into a future career. I hope this eases your mind! And like the last poster said, if you are worried it can't hurt to speak to a therapist (preferrably one familiar with Asperger's) to have a sort of reassuring reality check every now and then.

Many people from Rudyard Kipling to Marion Zimmer Bradly had a crummy youth which drove them to live in their own inner world.

But they came back out with fantastic novels or music.

Been there, done that. As coping mechanisms go, music is one of the healthier ones out there. But I understand your concern that the fantasy aspect of the music (pretending to sing in front of a crowd, etc.) may start crowding out reality as you use it to escape.

When I was 17, I learned to play the guitar.Badly, but still...

Learning to play an instrument grounds the coping mechanism in reality and gives you a creative outlet that isn't imaginary. I am utterly horrible at the guitar and have only played it for friends and family. But that isn't the point. The point isn't to be good enough to perform your intrument. The point is to keep your musical coping mechanism while at the seem time finding a way to keep yourself grounded in reality. And who knows, you might discover an instrument you are good at. I think that if you read bios on your favorite musicians, you will find that some of them also used music as a coping mechanism in their youth and that's why they learned an instrument.

Gary Numan, a pioneer of electronic music, has Aspergers and used keyboards as his safe haven from the world. I don't have the seniority to post links, but if you look him up you might be inspired by his bio.

Thanks guys, I definately need a creative outlet, I might take up playing an instrument

My AS BF described having a fantasy life in his head of being able to communicate well with others, but then anxiety would stop him from trying. So, he spent his youth almost mute and in a dream world.

Medications worked for him. Specifically, ritalin. Now, he is more sociable and happy. You may need to see a dr to see if something like this could work for you.

Again, imagination is an amazing thing and you are gifted with it. There's nothing wrong with it. You just need a way to translate it to the real world.

Maybe you escape because you can't deal with certain things and need to have something better. I guess a lot of us are dreamers. But don't worry. If you make life manageable and also keep your imagination, you could become an author. A big part of that is daydreaming.

I was recently discussing this with my AS boyfriend, as he too thought there was something terribly wrong with him that he still does this to an extent at the age of 29. I'm beginning to think we all do, or at least the majority of us do, but I remember well that when I was younger, and lived in my 'mental movie' more often, I too thought I was starting to go mad. Doesn't help that my father, brother, and A LOT of my dad's family are schizophrenic, but even without that, I'm sure I would've thought I was as well.

I wouldn't say it's HEALTHY to do this, but so long as it's not affecting your functionality in the real world, I believe that whatever helps you cope, is a good thing. I don't fantasize nearly as much as I used to, but I still escape to music far more often than would be considered 'normal', and regularly either write or tell myself stories to calm down. And as much as I HAVE been told by psychologists that it's NOT a good thing to do, I still tend to remove myself from stressful situations and react to them from a third-person perspective. I don't know about anyone else, but in my case, it doesn't hinder my ability to deal with situations....in fact, it's the only thing that helps me get through.

Additionally, 'mental planning' for social situations, I believe, is NECESSARY for Aspies. If you're just fantasising and not actually using your fantasies as practice, then that's something you need to work on. But again, to use my own experience as an example, I have been known to spend days on end fantasising about situations and possible outcomes, in order to cope when I actually need to act them out.

I have seen a lot of your comments and it struck me apparently that one of my hobbies is music and indeed I do use it to escape from the harsh, real world and as I listen to music I do feel a kind of relief that is not possible in the real world that I experience. I took up music listening when I was in high school since that was one of the most stressful aspects I ever experience and it felt great at least for a while and of course dealing with people was a very scary thing for me, especially in high school. Probably living in Iraq is nothing compared to this!! You just don't seem to trust anyone who obviously never has the same condition, they obviously just don't care. Aside from listening to music, I have the good fortune to live in the country side where I love to walk outside and feel a kind of release as I walk I feel that I can transport myself to a controlled reality where I am in control. Still, it is necessary as an important tool to preprare for what you might and I admit I use it to, in fact I have been fantasizing ever since I learned to walk and I still do it at least when I'm walking.

Music is an incredibly powerful force. For many reasons, I believe it got me through my childhood relatively unscathed. Sure, there were bad points, but music was always there for me to bring me through.

I think playing an instrument did ground me in reality. It gave me a way to express myself to the world, and that became an incredibly important element to me acquiring conversational skills.

I do the same thing, I would come home and I would listen to my music and go into my own worlds. Usually the worlds are good memories and/or good things that i want to happen. I used to do this all day when i was younger. All I did was listen to music. I would ride my bike and listen to radio(I had a bike radio, in the 90's) and go into my own worlds while doing that, as well. That was the only time I would go into my worlds. When i was younger, The only way I would be able to go into my worlds, was if I listen to music or if I was by myself. Otherwise I was "distracted" by being around other people and/or need to pay attention to other things.
Now as I got older, i can automatically go into my own worlds, even if there is no music. Even if I around other people, the only time I do not go into my own worlds is when someone is actually paying attention to me and/or having a conversation with me. Otherwise I would go into my own world even with others around. A lot of times, i would start talking to these people in my world,usually someone I have known, or know, even if they are not physically there. If there is no one else in my world at the time, I would still be in my own world, just silent because I am enjoying the activity in my own world.
When i was younger, i used to never "talk" out loud to the people in my world, but as I gotten older, it is an automatic response. I am able to not go into my own world, when i am in school or paying attention to my work. When I study at home, I am able to study well and be in my own world at the same time. Usually when I am studying, it is like I have another person studying along with me, so it actually helps me learn and remember the material a lot better.
So being in my own world help me in some ways.

Psygirl6 I also talk to people in my mind, not in a 'hearing voicd' way but I tell people that I laoso have known and still know things that I don't tell others or havn't had the chance to,

thanks alot again everyone, I was really scared people would post comments saying I am a freak or something lol, it's really helped and thanks

Id ther a word for this thing I've got?

I don't know if there's a name for it as a whole, but the 'leaving your body during stressful situations' thing is called dissociative fugue.

In his book "The complete guide to Asperger's syndrom" Tony Atwood has identified four compensatory or adjustment strategies developed by children with Asperger's syndrom as a response to the realization that they are different from other children. The strategy used will depend on the child's personality, experiences and circumstances.

Those who tend to internalize thoughts and feelings may develop signs of self-blame and depression, or alternatively use imagination and a fantasy life to create another world in which they are more successful.

Those who tend to externalize thoughts and feelings can either become arrogant and blame others for their difficulties, or view others not as the cause but the solution to their problems and develop an ability to imitate other children or characters.

Thus some psychological reactions can be constructive while others can lead to significant psychological problems. Atwood describes escape into imagination as a psychologically constructive adaptation.