Books that made a difference

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Can you think of a book that has made a difference with regard to your social skills?

1. How to Win Friends and Influence People
2. The Book of Tells
3. Effective Speaking - Dale Carnegie

Helping the child who doesn't fit in : Decipher the hidden dimensions of social rejection

Clinical psychologists
Stephen Nowicki Jr,PHD and Marshall P Duke, PHD

This was on my parent's bookshelf in the days before I was diagnosed-- I picked it up one day and without mentioning Asperger's, it explicitly explained alot of those nonverbal cues that went straight over my head. Of course, most non verbal communication still goes over my head--but at least somebody explained what they were so mad about in words instead of expecting telepathy. It sure beats trying to guess!

I felt the same way about asperger's when I read an article entailing the breakdown of its aspects (despite it was a wikipedia article), and I identified w/the sypmtoms and the developmental issues that it described. I read up on it because my cousin told me I may have asperger's, because of the way I despcribed my personality deffects, but a friends of mine who seems to know me pretty well claims I wouldn't have it...she even beleives it isn't real for some reason.

Does she really?That can be hard thing to deal with. I'm curious though,if you don't mind my asking,what do you see as defects?

I was lucky enough, a few years ago, to find a community of men who make a science out of social dynamics and effective interaction. Though it is geared towards attracting women, the Community has shown me book after book after book about body language, vocal tonality, posture, and subtle hints that have, in addition to lots of hard and uncomfortable work, resulted in my being able to camouflage extremely well in social situations. People still perceive me as pretty weird, but I am very well-liked and can make friends extremely easily. That's pretty much the best someone with AS can hope for--something I guess I'd label "loveable eccentricity." Some books that really helped were:

Double Your Dating, by David DeAngelo

Mystery Method, by Mystery (Eric von Markovic)

Without Fear: The Social Coward's Guide to Seduction, by Mike Pilinski. This is my favorite one, because most books about dating ask you to develop a certain degree of selfishness which comes off as "dominance," but this one is just how to be a nice guy and still get laid. It teaches how to recognize and appropriately respond to the subtle social cues which are very obvious to all women and some men--but were going right over my head!

for me, it would have to be the first book I've bought on Asperger's:

Asperger's from the Inside Out by Michael John Carley

it has been a real eye opener for me.

1) Carrie (Stephen King), although I first saw the movie and then got the book. I was bullied, so was Carrie; the people I worked with treated me like &*%$ and the same happened to Carrie; both of us were brought up in very religious households; and when I saw how she was treated I suddenly realized what had been happening to me. From that moment on I decided to change.

2) Imperial Earth (Arthur C Clarke). The first adult SF book I had ever read.

3) Manwatching (Desmond Morris). A scientific analysis of human behavior.

4) The Shy Persons Book (Clair Raynor)



Vanilla_Slice

Marcus Aurelius's Meditations helped me be more patient with myself and others, which helped me in becoming more sociable and accepting of mine and others' limitations. It's the ultimate book of wisdom, and comfort during hard times.

The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene

Families and How to Survive them, Life and How To Survive It by Robin Skynner and John Cleese

Yes. This is probably the most straightforward book on being a friend as well as making them. Number one on my list too.



It takes a certain type of person to make the Carnagie stuff work for them, and it takes a certain type of person to make the Robert Ringer and Robert Greene stuff work for them. The problem is, if the Carnagie stuff doesn't work, you're no worse off, but if the Greene stuff doesn't work, you might as well retitle the book "The 48 Ways to Grease the Rails to Hell."

The Anatomy of Human Destructiveness by Erich Fromm
Read this more than thirty years ago and only in the past few years in reflection have I realized how much it effected my thinking.
But I wouldn't recommend it unless you are prepared to have everything shift

Nicely put. I suck at both styles. This book did however prepare me to recognize when someone is attempting to use me.

the best book i ever had was one i used as a chock underneath a speaker that lost a "leg" off the bottom of the enclosure.

that book was 750 pages and was the correct thickness to wedge under the speaker.

books are very useful sometimes.

The difinitave book of body language, don't know who wrote it.
I read a few months ago, it is a good book, there was a bunch of stuff I didn't know before and there was a whole chapter on handshakes, about all kinds of handshakes and how the position of your hand gives off certain messages. And there's me thinking handshakes were just a matter of holding someones hands and moving it up and down for a few seconds.

Wow - I thought I was the only person who'd ever heard of this one! I first encountered and read it over 20 years ago and it made such an impression I have often thought back to it.

Thought I'd lost it, but in a recent house move, it turned up again and I was browsing through it only a couple of days ago. I wonder why it is so generally ignored? Human behaviour hasn't got any less violent since he wrote it and I don't see any recent ideas on human violence that is anywhere near as feasable as Erich Fromm's. It's like he had at least part of the answer - but has been swept aside in the rush.

I wouldn't say this book has changed my social skills, though...

Last edited by ManErg on 06 Jul 2009, 2:30 am, edited 1 time in total.