Ever been told that you DESERVED the teasing/bullying?

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Yeah, apparently I was mean to them first...according to them. Of course this was long before I knew anything about AS or social anxiety.

And people (including friends) still use this claim to give me s**t endlessly.

if a victim thinks he/she deserves the victim-hood, they are more easily managed. It is all manipulation

I remember the golden rule in third grade, "treat others the way you want to be treated." I can remember being teased in class one day and they wouldn't leave me alone and my teacher told me if I want kids to be nice to me, treat others the way I like to be treated. He was referring to the incident I had in PE with my PE teacher so it was basically my fault kids weren't leaving me alone and were teasing me. I think it was to teach me a lesson. Back then I didn't really understand but I do now.


I also remember being in second grade and I can remember complaining to my mom about how kids run away from me and some of my friends were picking on me. Mom told me what not to do in school; run away from the teachers, hide in the bushes, talking about Home Alone, throwing scissors, etc. Basically it was my fault I was being picked on. I was the one causing it due to my actions and if I wanted them to stop, quit doing things kids don't normally do.

I had a well-meaning but inexperienced fifth-grade teacher who told me once that if I was getting teased, then I must have done something to instigate the teasing. This was the late seventies, when people were just told to take the teasing "in stride", and such, and bullying and the crap that came with it was just a "normal" part of growing up. Hogsnot, of course, but that was the mentality I grew up with.

Nope....the bullies were told by my vice principal that if they ended up getting my foot up their rear end, it is their fault and I had every right to defend myself from the bullies.

yes. Last week, by a supervisor. I was told no-one could bully me without my consent.

Yes. It's a classic tactic to avoid having to sort something out. Just blame the victim. Sad but true...

Tony Attwood tells a story of a man he counciled. He said "I liked my sargent better than my grammar school teacher. My teacher told me to ignore those bullies and they would go away, but my sargent gave me a weapon and told me to blow their heads off".


Merle

Can be true, but doesn't have to...

Looking back at my school time, I found, that in fact I was acting quite arrogant to some of my schoolmates and using my intellect against them. Where they made rude jokes about me, I thought, that being "sarcastic" about them would be less rude. What it wasn't. So it was at least partly my own fault.
Another problem is the social anxiety and communication problems of many Aspies. If you don't communicate people may think you ignore them, because you don't like them. Especially a problem at my schooltime, whewn nothing was known about Aspergers. I was just the guy who didn't want to talk.

No I've never been told that, however I have been told that it's my fault.

Here in Canada, if a supervisor at work said that, you could sue their pants off.They have a duty of care to ensure the workplace is bully free and if they blatantly dont do that, they are legally liable for any damages sufferred.

Looking back, I probably did. Being a natural quiet-guy & loner made me an easy target, but I wasn't any better than those who bullied me. It's all about power & dominance, & if I had the upper hand, I would have likely been just as bad as they were.

All the damn time!

The other day, my mum was taking the dog for a walk, and I had gone to the shop to buy Coke, and she passed me in the street and I didn't notice her because I was listening to my iPod and looking at the ground, and she yelled at me, "You are so rude, walking past your own mother in the street without saying hi, no wonder people at school don't like you!" or something along those lines.

And whenever I complain to the teachers about people picking on me, they say it's cos I keep being different and abnormal.

Next time you get that answer, you could say "That's a reason, but is it a justification? Am I doing something that gives people the right to pick on me?" If you want something productive to happen, try to say it in a nice enough tone that the teacher sees it as a real question, not as an attack on him/herself.

Never, and if they did they'd regret it.

QFT.

I can't name the numerous times it was always the victim's fault for getting attacked or bullied. A good tactic just to excuse one's behavior onto their victim so they don't have to bare the burden. Works to the advantage of those who already suffer from low self-esteem.

Anyway, yes I have been blamed before and felt suicidal for a while believing it was my fault. Ever since then, I've been more resentful and I've grown less tolerant of the behavior. I too didn't know about aspergers till I was older so it was hard for me to know why I wasn't outgoing or could fit into the social peking order.