New to all this and I have tons of questions

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I have a 3yo son who was reciently diagnosed with high-funtioning Autism. And the more I learn about ASD the more I wonder if I might be on the spectrum and also if my son should have the label of Autism or Aspergers. From what I have read I understand that the main difference between the two is that there is no language delay with Aspergers. My son has a language delay but he is verbal. He didn't say his first word until 15 months and at 3 he was just beginning to put three word sentences together. However, since his third birthday (4 months ago) he has had a language explosion both in vocabulary and in sentences. He still has trouble communicating but the words and sentences are there. So, it has got me wondering if what had been viewed as a language delay actually had more to do with communication and the inability to understand social communication and the lack of desire to communicate. And does it even matter which label he has? I know to many people Aspergers brings to mind a much different (or nicer) picture than Autism- often because they are perceived as being much smarter and more normal. Kinda like the two are the opposite ends of the spectrum and a child with Autism has no verbal or social skills and just sits in the corner and rocks. Most people wrote me off when I first mentioned my thoughts about my son having Autism because he seems very 'normal'. And now when I tell people, most respond with some sort of statement about him being 'mild'. I honestly don't care about the label except to make sure that he gets the resources he needs to be the very best him.

About me- our insurance won't cover me seeing a doctor or psychologist to be diagnossed (it didn't cover my son either but his was necessary to get services and such). So now I struggle with what to do about me. Do I self-diagnoss and tell people that I have Aspergers (since I have never had a delay in language I would assume AS over Autism)? Or do I just try to explain the different symptions/issues on their own? Most of the people I have mentioned this to have laughed at me and said that I am seeing things that aren't there- that I am just one of those people who reads about a disease online and then thinks they have it. I just finished reading Pretending to be Normal by Willey and practically underlined the whole thing. It just makes so much sense to me and seems to explain so many things about me. I know the most important thing is for me to be comfortable with myself but I also want people to see that I am not just 'odd', that there is something more. I think one of the greatest things I have taken away from this, even more than understanding myself, is realizing that I understand my son.

Thanks for reading my ramblings.

I don’t know if this will help or not but if I could go back in time and change something from when I was three years old I would make sure I was around a whole lot of three year olds.

welcome and good luck to you and your son. depending on what country you are in, the dx your son is given can affect the resources available to him as he grows. maybe check that out.

If you can get your son around some other kids, and into a daycare with extra support that may be good. My nephew is HFA but has recently had a similar language explosion. he also has eye contact but has struggled with other things. he's just the dearest little kid and has so much beauty in him.

stick around. and check out the parents forum as there is some really good support and identification for you on offer, there.

Yes, it is helpful. Experts are great but hearing from people who have actually gone through something similar is much better. So, why would being around other children the same age have helped you? Just learning what is age appropriate? My son is around kids from about 1yo to 3yo about once a week. Starting in August he will attend the special needs preschool at an elem. school so that should help as well since the kids will be between 3-5yo.

millie- Sorry about not mentioning where I am. aspie thing? I tend to just assume everyone knows. I live in the US, Arizona to be more specific. He has the official label of Autism and I have noticed that for some things, DDD and such, that Autism is listed as one of the automatic ones, however then I think it becomes a matter of how disabeled he is within Autism. My son struggles with eye contact- he is good at starting with it but his eyes follow his mind so if he is talking about needing help in his room, his eyes will be on me when he says "mommy" but the rest of the sentence "can you help me" is toward his room.

Thanks so much to both of you for replying.

Kimberly

I dont know, my favorite activity at that age was avoiding other people. I am not sure I would have liked being forced to be around others. However, I have nothing against giving your son the option of interacting with others. You can take him to the park or something and see if he wants to interact with the other kids. Just try not to force it, that generally only increases anxiety and makes the problem worse.

And I dont mean to nag or anything, but is there a reason why he is listed as HFA instead of AS? I mean he started talking by 15 months, which clearly falls within the range of normal speech acquisition. It really isnt important, I am just curious.

Anyways, welcome to the boards, I hope you enjoy your stay.

Hi and welcome to the forum!

Your son sounds like mine. In fact, mine will turn 3 in late August and is just now starting to string words together. But he's smart and sweet. We're also starting him in a special elementary-school program soon. We live in Mississippi.

We realized Lucas was on the spectrum when he was 18 months old. He's been in speech and occupational therapy ever since. We also do the gluten-free, dairy-free diet. I know many people don't believe in it or want to bother with it, but we tried it on a whim and were amazed at the difference we noticed in Lucas. He was much calmer and clearer within 24 hours of the diet. So we've been doing it for more than a year now!

Anyway, good luck with everything. And I look forward to sharing with you again on this forum!

O, by the way.

Isn't that how you are supposed to make eye contact? I'm pretty sure that is normal. Not that I am accusing you of being paranoid, but you may be over reacting and looking for stuff to attribute to autism.

*Shrugs* Eye contact is really just their way of telling you what they want without saying it. Expression without language if you will.

Me, I was always an antisocial child. Spent more time in a book or with lego than other people. I turned out relatively okay.

*Crickets chirp*

The best thing you can do is making sure your son understands and accepts his gift. It's easy to argue its a gift if you're religious or not.

If you're religious, God chose you.
If you aren't, then later on you can delive into biology and get him to understand autism is a mutation, an evolution.

As a parallel, it'd also help if you embraced your gift (Assuming you are spectrumised), so he can see the happiness acceptance brings. Or at least the comfort.

Tracker- I never force him to play with other children, he always has the option to play by himself but I do encourage him to be with other kids instead of with us. i.e. at church he is encourage to go to sunday school and not sit in church with us.
Like I mentioned in my original post, I am confused about the whole high-functioning ASD vs. AS especially since his language has exploded. He was evaluated at 18 months and found that he was behind in language/communication but it wasn't enough to get services. The actual vocabulary has never really been his problem, it is stringing the words together and then back-and-forth conversation.
Maybe I didn't describe his eye contact very well but it isn't normal. He is definitely better with eye contact than many kids with ASD but he still struggles with it. Because his eyes follow what he is talking about it means that he doesn't look at you, or even face you some times, when talking to you. Getting him to the point where he looks at you at the beginning of the conversation/sentence has taken lots of work and usually still some prompting. he definitely doesn't understand the concept that people can't hear him talking to them when they are in seperate rooms or when he is facing another direction or when there is something loud going on, i.e. water running while I am washing dishes.

Mom of Lucas- We tried eliminating dairy from his diet a couple months ago (before his diagnosis based on my research and my brother's milk allergy) but we didn't notice any differences. He was reciently allergy tested and came back normal but we are still planning on doing blood work for celiac disease. It is still there at the back of my mind and we aren't against trying it again some time in the future to see if it helps.

Gifted Monster- I agree about the eye contact. Since he doesn't do many gestures or pointing, soemtimes all we have to go off of is where he is looking. However, we have found that it concerns, or at least gets the attention, of other adults and it makes it difficult to hear him sometimes so it is something we are working on. As with everything with my son, if it isn't a danger issue then I don't do anything to the point of frustration because I don't want him to spend his childhood being told he is always doing something 'wrong'.
I was an anti-social child as well, and still am to some degree as an adult. That is part of the reason why I don't think he was diagnossed earlier- I had no problems with his behavior because it was my choice as well. I didn't find it odd that he played on his own for long periods of time as a toddler because it would have driven me nuts to always have been playing with him. ::lol:: My daughter is a year old, NT as far as we can tell, and she can drive me crazy some days because she always wants me to be right next to her, playing with her.
We are 'religious' and don't see our son's Autism or our son himself as something that needs to be fix. We love him the exact same before and after the diagnosis. For me the diagnosis just allows me to better understand him and realize why some of the strategies I was using weren't working for him.
I haven't been officially diagnosis but I self-diagnosised as AS. At this point for me it is a struggle to allow myself to realize that the things the world has told me were odd are okay and not in need of being changed. Once I get that down then I definitely see it as a positive because I can be a great example to my son and someone he can lean on when things get tough.

Thanks so much to everyone who replied, it is really great for me to be able to chat with people about this.

You asked us what you should tell people. My advice is free and is likely worth the price, but when you are around people in real life, I think you will get along better if you let the other people lead the conversation and you only talk about what they are interested in. When you want to talk about anything on the Spectrum, come here and we'll natter on and contradict each other and go off on rabbit trails, but we will at least take you seriously.

That works for me!

Plus there is somewhat of a social stigma attached to autism, due to movies like "The Black Balloon" and "Rainman."

If it comes up and they ask, just tell them its none of their buisness. If they ask about you, you can tell.

But its your son's gift and thus, his right to share if he wants.

Don't mean to sound cruel but IMO...parents really have no right to volunteer that information unless its for the benefit of their child, like for schooling.

If it's just out with friends...no need to tell them.

The HFA diagnoses might be because of his age and it could be changed to AS as he ages. My son has been labled PADD then HFA then when he wasn't speeking at all for all long time LFA all from the same doctor over a two year span. Realy the only thing the diagnoses has ment to us is that we are able to get him in to the right programs at school. So I wouldn't sweat it too much they are just words not who he is as a human. As for what to say to other peaple I wouldn't worry about that ethier too much until he is doing something odd and someone asks you realy shouldn't have to feel the need to give everyone you run in to the low down on your kid. Besides the fact it bothers the heck out of my son when someone talks about him and not to him not that I blame the kid it would bug the crap out of most of us. A good book even if it is missleading because the kid at the end is still clearly ausitic but is doing realy well is "Raindrops on Roman" It has a lot of at home things you can work on with your son to improve his skills with out going to take out a bank loan.l

Thanks CRD. I find it helpful to hear from other parents with kids with ASD.

Hi Sahm, welcome to the boards! Being a 23-year-old aspie out of college and in the workforce, I thought I might have a little bit of insight.

When I was younger, I didn't like looking people in the eyes. I dunno if it was that I felt threatened or what, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Usually, I'd look at their shirt or their shoulder, and that worked for a while. Middle school, however, turned that into a disaster, what with hormones taking effect in the women. (really bad career move... >.<) It's still something I deal with today, though I continue to practice it. One thing you could try would be a staring contest. You could change the rules a bit so you both can blink and save your eyesight, but get him to look straight in between your eyes. this is something you can measure with a stopwatch, and potentially chart to track progression. After he's gotten good at just looking at you, start talking to him. Use small segues to ease him into conversation. After a while, you could potentially drop the staring contest thing entirely.

Continuing on with the "dealing with the public" topic, I've been rather forthright about my AS to my coworkers and such at my two jobs. I usually tell them that I'm autistic and that "if it looks like I'm off my rocker, I am. That's just par for the course." Keep the whole thing lighthearted. I don't think I've had a single coworker complain about it. In school, he'll probably carry some social stigma if he's integrated with the NT students. While I am not indicative of your son's future, I was a very late bloomer. I didn't really grow up until my sophomore year in college. I would expect something similar, if not longer. Don't push him too hard, but don't let him fall behind either.

Also, look into the book, "eating an artichoke." I can't remember who wrote it for the life of me, but most libraries should have it. If yours doesn't, buy it off of amazon. It's definitely worth what you'd spend on it. I used that book as one source when I did a research paper on AS in high school.

ddrfr33k- Thanks so much for sharing your experiences and insight. I like the idea of the staring contest, I will definitely have to try it. And being the data/organizational freak that I am I think it is great that I can chart it and see the progress. I think it might work good for my son as well because his current obsession is numbers so having the goal be something number oriented would help get and keep his attention. I think it is awesome that you are able to embrase who you are and allow it to be lighthearted, that is something that I strive for with my son. At the moment some of our closer friends with kids his age kinda see his ASD as a positive because of his obsession with numbers and letters he is very advanced in those areas and is able to impress people. The people who get me the most are the people at Wal-Mart and such who try to engage him in conversation and he just doesn't respond to them and then they look to me and will make some comment. Usually I try to just throw something out there like he is tired or shy (usually neither is true) but I just don't feel like educating someone about ASD in the middle of the grocery store with a HFA 3yo and a 1yo. Thanks for the book suggestion, I will add it to my 'to-red' list. I figure by the time he is 4yo I should have a small library on the topic.