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caramateo
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05 Jul 2009, 10:40 pm

What can you say if someone is doing small talk and they expect you to keep up with it?
I have this problem, I never really know what to say in such situations.
I don't want to say something inappropriate, I struggle and have developed severe anxiety because of this.



Aimless
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06 Jul 2009, 4:32 am

I had this situation recently with a family member at a family wedding. My nephew, who I very rarely see because he lives on the opposite coast found ourselves next to each other and I was at a loss for what to say so I told him a fun fact. He made some excuse to get away.



larrygnu
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06 Jul 2009, 8:15 am

Aimless wrote:
I had this situation recently with a family member at a family wedding. My nephew, who I very rarely see because he lives on the opposite coast found ourselves next to each other and I was at a loss for what to say so I told him a fun fact. He made some excuse to get away.


I would love it if people told me fun facts during awkward silences. I'll have to invite you to the next family gathering. :D

As to the original poster, I've found it's best to ask questions, get people to talk about themselves. It takes practice to sound natural, but it's a skill you can learn.

Start with something like this,

http://www.conversationtalk.com/good-conversation-questions.html



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06 Jul 2009, 12:10 pm

I have a hefty inventory of what some people call "scripts" for social situations; that is, I have a selection of prearranged topics to talk about, and also a set of conversational gambits or questions designed to start a basic discussion. I work in a bar, and small talk is part of what I do, and I have learned to be quite good at small talk, which is something that surprises even me!

Try to remember the five Ws: the who, what, where, when and why. They're good as a basic guide.



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06 Jul 2009, 1:36 pm

larrygnu wrote:
I would love it if people told me fun facts during awkward silences.
oh absolutley


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marshall
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06 Jul 2009, 3:59 pm

It's hard. I ask questions but it can be hard to keep small talk going for more than a few minutes. Asking followup questions doesn't come naturally to me unless I'm really interested which isn't often. There's only so long I can go with fake smiles and uh huh's and yea's before the other person realizes I'm not really interested and leaves. I'm more natural when I simply make observational comments, i.e. "have you ever noticed that ...". People occasionally find my observations funny.



azulene
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14 Jul 2009, 1:23 am

I don't get awkward in the silences. I just accept they are going to happen and don't try to stuff random talk for the sake of it. Some people have told me that they would normally feel uncomfortable in such silences, but don't with me. I think the general "silence discomfort" may be caused by continued non-verbal communication messing with peoples heads.


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15 Jul 2009, 10:01 pm

Ask them questions about themselves. Most people like talking about themselves so all you have to do is ask a few questions then sit back and listen to what they have to say. For example, ask them what they did on the weekend, or what they think of a new movie/cd/book that's just been released, or wear they got a specific item of clothing from (even if you don't really want to know).
This will help to prevent awkward silences that used to happen to me ALL the time, and still do but not as frequently (thank you social skills teacher!).


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Chizpurfle52595
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16 Jul 2009, 12:46 am

These are all good tips for furthering a conversation, but what if you want to end it without creating a confrontation?
My mom taught me how to graciously make an exit from an awkward situation.
You basically say "Well it was so nice seeing you, I've got to go now, I've got a friend waiting for me, nice talking to you."
Or some other variant. Basically, acknowledge the person and thank them for their company, make up a plausible nonspecific obligation, and say goodbye.
Even if the other person KNOWS you're lying, they're probably relieved you had the sense to cut short a dead conversation and move on so they can go do something else.



LolaGranola
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17 Jul 2009, 5:30 pm

richardbenson wrote:
larrygnu wrote:
I would love it if people told me fun facts during awkward silences.
oh absolutley
Me too!


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gina-ghettoprincess
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17 Jul 2009, 5:44 pm

LolaGranola wrote:
richardbenson wrote:
larrygnu wrote:
I would love it if people told me fun facts during awkward silences.
oh absolutley
Me too!


Me and my (AS) best friend have a routine where, if we run out of things to talk about in email conversations, he says "<insert something interesting here>" and I'll say some completely random fact. NTs tend not to see the awesomeness of this approach. :? :P


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protest_the_hero
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17 Jul 2009, 11:48 pm

Just be creative. People like a little randomness. Just start talking about something funny, like "Guess what this idiot did." or "I saw a sign that said God listens...to Slayer!"



Amajanshi
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18 Jul 2009, 1:06 am

Aimless wrote:
I had this situation recently with a family member at a family wedding. My nephew, who I very rarely see because he lives on the opposite coast found ourselves next to each other and I was at a loss for what to say so I told him a fun fact. He made some excuse to get away.


Fun facts are interesting! It's a shame that your nephew can't appreciate your knowledge.

When I talk to other people, it feels more like an exchange of information rather than chit chatting for the sake of it. I try to ask questions about themselves but not personal ones. If there is something which they do or like that I have in common with them, then I'll ask about that.
And if they don't give me good answers which I can ask further about, then it makes it hard for me to continue the conversation.

I have completely no ability to banter or joke on the spot so it's all serious exchanges which some people will find boring. Therefore I have a much harder time talking to people who I have nothing in common with. I don't have banter/joking as a bridge to cover up that gap.



Jacoby
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18 Jul 2009, 1:54 am

I also think out conversations before they happen like said above so I usually have a pretty good idea of what I want to talk about. Small talk on the weather or sports or some current event before going off on some overly detailed tangent that's way over their head and weirds them out. That's pretty much how the routine goes.



Moose1132
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22 Jul 2009, 10:08 pm

I am totally lost when it comes to small talk or social situations like that. And I've been working in a very public place for over 3 years now. The farthest I can ever get in a conversation is "hi, how are you?". After that I'm pretty much done. I just can't ever seem to bring myself to saying anything else. I either don't know how to say something or I don't know what to say. The most frustrating thing for me is the rare time that I do actually have something to say to someone and I can't bring myself to saying it. I don't know why either. I'm either afraid or unsure of how to put into words what I'm thinking.



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22 Jul 2009, 10:27 pm

Brittany2907 wrote:
Ask them questions about themselves. Most people like talking about themselves so all you have to do is ask a few questions then sit back and listen to what they have to say. For example, ask them what they did on the weekend, or what they think of a new movie/cd/book that's just been released, or wear they got a specific item of clothing from (even if you don't really want to know).
This will help to prevent awkward silences that used to happen to me ALL the time, and still do but not as frequently (thank you social skills teacher!).

My problem is that if the answer to a question doesn't provide useful information in and of itself, I don't see a point in asking it.