Things may be strange

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Hi everyone,

I'm new. I have a son with diagnosed AS gifted. I realize I am also As and my other two children has some symptons. I know this is not unusual. I am wondering from the adults out there. I have no childhood memories. I see pictures of myself and know the stories but I don't have a single true memory of any of these things. Is this an aspie thing? I know I worked very hard as a child to fit in, I wonder if this preoccupation used all my brain power?

I also now am struggling to feel organized. If I buy another daytimer, calendar or watch I will go mad. I worry all the time that I'm forgetting something. I make lists and lose sleep over what will happen next. Has anyone felt this way? Any suggestions?

Thanks

Jetgirl

This could be related to repression of memories. Did you have an unhappy childhood? Did other kids bully or abuse you in any way? Did you parents punish you severely for minor offenses? With your siblings, were they the favorites of the family, while you always got the worst? If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, I'd say it's repression that keeps you from remembering your childhood.

We'll need the numbers to build up to see if a pattern emerges but for myself, in a variety of conversations, both casual and with professionals, surprise has been expressed over how little of my early years I remember.

Nothing before school. A few episodes, interactions, images for the years 5-8 is all.
Even later periods are fragmentary.
(I have a phenomenal memory for books read, though.)

Hey Emettman,

Whoa, that's kind of a relief. I did not have a bad childhood at all. I don't think I'm repressing memories. The pictures look amazing. I do kind of think my mind was elsewhere. I have an incredible memory for numbers, phone numbers etc. I am an accountant and can recall numbers from my clients files up to 3 previous years. I can repeat passages from the income tax act without effort. Perhaps this competes for brain space. Okay and another really annoying thing, I use to play the flute (I'm told quite well) I can't remember this at all. I still have the instrument but have no idea how to play. Have you ever lost a skill?

Oh well, I guess I'm wondering because my sister remembers everything and I haven't really seen this as a sympton in an of the stuff I've been reading regarding ASD or AS.

Thanks for replying.

jetgirl

Jetgirl,
I had a terrible childhood....won't go into the nasty details, but I have just a few memories, and not a single good one of my childhood.
I also found as I aged, I'm now in my 40's that I was a freak for pictures. I took pictures of everything, and I realized many years ago that what I was doing was building memories. I have several tins full of momentos that do the very same thing.....bring back things I want to remember.
I don't think it is related to a good or bad childhood, but rather the fact that my memory sucks.
When I was growing up, AS wasn't really recognized......I was just considered a bad kid, lazy,spoiled....but at least all my struggles and how I learned to deal with them on my own I am now able to teach to my AS son who is much lower functioning than I ever was.
Hope this helps.

When a child I didn't believe that over the years I'd forget, so didn't regularly keep track of things in writing. Kept things & took many photos for attachment reasons, also as evidence in trying to understand myself & others. Glad I documented as much as I did when I did, before certain people places & things were gone.
Traumas can result in searing event into your brain, or can lead to amnesia of incident. Brain works in surprisingly contradictory ways, so not remembering could be related to bad experiences-or not. It's inconclusive.

Same for me-though my childhood wasn't blatantly good or bad. Didn't have the pros or cons of diagnostic label until adulthood, in my 30's.

Maybe it wasn't that you don't remember, but that you were focussed on other things. If you weren't noticing what was going on around you, you wouldn't remember it. I bet you remember lots of things other's in your family never noticed.

yeah, my childhood is gone, nothing below 6 years old exists except for 4 memories of about age 4-5... but some of those may be fabricated from pictures and story telling

middle school years largely vanished as well.... either its bad memory or repression due to horrible bullying and anxiety. I have to step aside from the events to 'survive' them... this was the case for many years and I think it influenced my memories or lack thereof

I also do not remember that much from my childhood and ironically one time when I started on Paxil a few doses on that and I was remembering things from childhood. I stopped taking it right away because it seemed to bring back things I didn't want to remember.

Hey all,

Just an update. I've started taking Trazodone to help me sleep (I'm always pretty wired) and now I'm dreaming my childhood back. I've noticed the things in my dreams are all objects, but I'll take that for a start. I remembered my grandmother's coo-coo clock, the wallpaper in her bathroom, her phone number and that was 35 years ago. I think I may not have traditional memories because I was fixated on patterns and numbers instead of people and activities, but atleast I feel less like an alien. Thanks for your responses, I hadn't read anything in my research about memory and it was a little scary.

Later
Jetgirl

If you read a professional book on aspergers, you'd probably believe that this is an aspie thing. Aspies are only supposed to remember bits and pieces of a lot of past information. One must think a bit more logically here. Let's not focus on what professional books talk about, but what rather we talk about in these forums. You learn more from talking to other aspies, and you'll find out that many of us have varying degrees of memorization skills, both long- and short-term.

And personally, I don't recall much before my ninth birthday. I mean, I can remember small minute things, mostly negative images that stuck in my mind for some reason. Most of my more serious problems occured afterwards, and I can remember quite a bit of detail therein. Why is this? I don't know, but I doubt many NTs can easily recall stuff from their fifth and sixth grade arena. I doubt if this is an aspie thing. It has to do with a lot of different things, I would assume, such as how good your childhood was and so forth.



Well, I think you touched something with me here. I don't buy lots of calenders, watches, etc.. I've worn watches, and don't like wearing things around my wrist, so I stopped wearing them. I use my cellphone as a source of time. I have calenders, but use them very little. But, still, my organization skills are horrible.

I struggle to remember the littlest things. I find myself constantly turning my car around to go back home, not too far after I left the driveway, because I forgot to get something I needed.

When in college, I sort of came up with a few stories about why I forgot this or that. I mean, I kept most of my stuff on my computer, so it didn't happen too often, but it happened enough to sort of scare me. Like, I could have received a slightly higher grade at times on certain projects if I handed them in on time. On a couple of occasions, I intentionally skipped class because I forgot something. I then came in next time with an excuse, and it wasn't treated as a big ordeal.

- Ray M -

The book "Thinking in Pictures" by Temple Grandin might help. I read her book when my son was first diagnosed. Perhaps her story would help you since you're living it. I was able to get a copy through my tiny local library.