Feeling wrong all the time.

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I have this problem that is hard to explain. I left my friend's house a few hours ago, and I was supposed to go back. (They are redoing the roof of my apartments and they start really early in the morning and it bothers me so I was going to sleep there again) But I don't feel I have any right to. Every time I do something I enjoy I end up sad and depressed. It makes me want to stop enjoying things altogether because then I won't have to feel bad. Like I had fun at my friend's house, and I am sure if I went now I would have fun again, but I will feel bad afterwards.

I feel like I should have a sign or something to tell me know anything I think of doing anything I might enjoy. What is it and how can I make it go away.

I'd like to know too. I have the same problem as far as enjoying myself. Why is there always so much guilt, or the feeling you're bothering or intruding on people?

From what I've learned that feeling is exactly what it is. This isn't always the case, however..

If you want the feeling to stop, then do some WORK! Offer to help with work, do stuff around your own house, et cetera. If you still feel guilty after having pulled your own weight, then either you haven't done enough work, or if you most certainly have then you should forget about the silly feeling and go do what it is you want.

The only time in my life where the feeling of intruding was false was last fall and winter, when I was living next door to my mother. I would come over and visit, but always felt intrusive. After I had moved, my mom explained that she and her husband had missed my presence, and that they even would talk about some of my reactions to things, "I bet he'd really enjoy this!"

Really though, I guess you should just go with whatever it is you feel that may be best. Trial by error, and for me it has always been that I don't live up to the expectations. That is how I've been "intrusive". If I had lived up to the expectations, I wouldn't have been a problem.

Also, it may be enlightening to read up on social phobia. I believe these feelings tie in because of the self-critical nature of somebody who is socially phobic. They think too much on their behavior and feel bad about it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reaction_Formation

i wonder whether it is a reaction formation. i am not sure.
apart from that wiki article, i learned about it (RF's) when i was in therapy for years as a child.

the manifestations of reaction formations are always an attempt at disguising and negating an underlying negative impulse.

as that article said, reactive "love" is a response to cancel out a subconscious hatred, and excessive cleanliness may be an escape (by cancellation) from subconscious filth like coprophilia, and excessive preservation may mask subconscious urges for destruction.

it all boils down to an attempt to escape "shame" by forming a reactive thought train. the superego imposes an internal judgment of the "soul" and views things like hatred and filth and destructivity as shameful qualities (depending on their upbringing). so the persons conscience is impinged with negative self evaluation which is painful and results in the reaction formations.

in the OP's case, there may be some elements of "guilt" that are unresolved.

he is not substituting a negative urge with a positive reaction by avoiding to return to where he has fun.

the only reason i can think of as to why someone would fear having fun, is that they feel guilty on some level, and they feel they do not deserve it, and if they have fun, it is like a dishonest theft of "good times" when they do not deserve it.

maybe they feel fearful that they will be brought to account by some aspect of the superego (that they consider a higher force like "conscience" which they can not escape) which punishes them doubly after finding out they had fun they were not entitled to.

maybe some people are so seized by guilt that they dare not give themselves "treats" ever, because they wish to impose punishment upon themselves so "god" (superego) will go easier on them and have more leniency.

unresolved guilt can lead to paranoia etc.

i really have no idea but there is precious little else on this site tonight worth responding too.

That's what stuck out for me, which is why i suggested reaction formation. Someone who is gay in a society that does not accept it, will come to hate homosexuality and themselves as a defense mechanism. For whatever reason, at some point in your child-hood you might have unconciously made a decision that having fun is good for you. It's not exactly an easy defense mechansim to explain. Autistic individuals and aspies tend to act "weird" when they are happy though, and if this was constantly brought up when you were happy, it's only nature a reaction-formation would develop. It's only a possibility, i don't really know anything about your childhood or life.

ok i did not know he was gay. i had no idea. sorry my earlier words are nullified because i can see how a reaction formation could be formed as a defense against the "shame" of gay pleasure.

i am out of here. eeek.

B9, I believe it was just an example. I am not gay. (But I have no problem with gay people. I am just clarifying because I worry that assumption might change how other people answer the question)

Does anyone have any other thoughts as to how it might be made to go away.

I never said he was gay, i was using being gay as an example as to what a reaction formation is and how they can form

I definitely do crazy things when I'm happy. Then afterwards wonder, what kind of f****d up reasoning told me that was a good thing to do??

I know the feeling you're on about. In my case, too, it's hypocritical. For example I'm happy to have someone come to me for help, but I really hate asking someone else for help, it seems like a violation somehow.

Yeah, I was going to outright ask the person in question, since they are very knowlegable, but couldn't bring myself to.