I'm ready to pull my uterus right out of my body

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I think I have good reasons for a hysterectomy... one thing, my meltdowns are HARDER to control at that time of the month.

*sigh* I just fear those scumbag siblings of mine will beat me up again for having HORRIBLE mood swings and think I deserve the abuse that is being returned to me. I tried bringing it up, but they mocked me, and said "ABUSE?? HA!"

My older sis dosen't know and when I tried to mention it subtley, calling it "hormonal factors" she said "Oh no, you can't get away with that anymore!" as if I was talking about the onset of puberty instead (I should have said "Actually, I can up until I'm in my late 40s"). And when I act out on my irritability, she says "And you wonder why we hit you?" ("Hit" is SUCH a weak word to use there, they understate things just to be smart-asses, I would use the more appropriate term for the extreme violence, I would say "PUMMEL"!)

I'm desperate to do ANYTHING to wreck the cycle.

Before you have a hysterectomy at such a young age, consider other, less invasive and lower risk approaches, from birth control pills to mood stabilizing meds. A close friend of mine has borderline personality disorder, which includes extraordinary mood swings. She also had severe endometriosis, which ended with her having a hysterectomy before age 30. Her mood swings continued, as one might expect, and are managed with mood-stabilizers.

As for siblings, I no longer have any contact with mine. My one brother and I do not get along at all, so we parted ways as adults (I'm in my 40s). You can stop the cycle of violence with siblings simply by stopping to have anything to do with them.

Now that I reread what I wrote, I wonder if you were being serious about the hysterectomy. I'm not good at determining when people are using sarcasm or hyperbole.

hysterectomy is instantly aging, so no I wouldn't.

i was relentlessly bullied by my siblings as though they had the 'right' to do that. i think you have to move out of home to get away from it.

If only moving out was as easy as you make it sound. I have NO motivation to get my foot out the front door and search for a job, which I should have done MUCH earlier. Unless I can find someone to mooch off of. And no, I was not being saracastic, I lack wit, so I avoid using it. I also considered smoking pot to stabilize my mood. This abuse is why I want a mean boyfriend, to make my family look innocent.

Also, I'm getting sick of people telling me "How 'bout getting a job and moving out?" (makes me wanna rip my own head off) as a suggestion to my solution, because that is mind-numbingly OBVIOUS. Why can't people tell me how to for once instead of telling me to just do it?Because I cannnot do so unless I know HOW.

Last edited by Fickle_Pickle on 20 Jul 2009, 5:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I use pot as a mood/depression helper. It's better than a lot of pharmaceuticals and has less side effects, but it can be a problem too, like anything. It's difficult unless it's decriminalised in your state, it can lead to a lack of motivation in some cases and I gave it up for a period of 10 years when I thought it was making me unmotivated.

I think I still should get that hysterectomy.

You're in a good forum for a boyfriend though, I mean there are tons of posts from guys who don't want to look anymore, have you noticed that in the Love/Dating forum any female who introduces herself is greeted by every guy in the forum? Not to say that every man you meet on the internet is trustworthy, but you're in a good place to window shop.

I just have to say that you aren't going to find exactly what you want in your situation (too many nice guys here), but taking abuse isn't going to help it, I mean you're actually justifying their behavior. You might want to consider calling in for domestic abuse the next time it happens. There are all kinds of options (jobcorp, peacecorps, military, monastary?), I don't think there's a person on WP who will tell you that getting beat up on is acceptable behavior from your family though, and judging from your other posts, I'd say that it's a huge problem for you. You might think you'll be unhappy leaving the nest (you may even be right), but would you rather be unhappy and abused, or unhappy and in control?

Sorry, but they said the same thing about me. My sister threatened to call the cops on to report me for domestic abuse, then tried to scare me with "They're WAY worse than us," before pounding my face in while screaming that I was a b***h then disfiguring my eye.
And no, it will NOT justify their behaviour, it will actually UNjustify it because I will accept it from a lover, but not them, which will make a gasket blow in their brains and piss them off while they can't do a thing about it, because my whale of a sister says "How come you don't enjoy it from ME?" Because I have no romantic feelings for you and you can't sexually touch and sodomize me, that's why!


Acutally, I wouldn't be the LEAST unhappy. Even if I had to walk through the desert, I'd be filled with joy.

Last edited by Fickle_Pickle on 20 Jul 2009, 6:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

yeah, it was the same for me, but antagonistic family is a good motivator (i was kicked out), you just make a start, you may fail and have to move back home again (i did) but eventually you get out more permanently and get work or study/welfare benefits. I think aspie perfectionism is a big hindrance in this area, and you need to adopt the NT approach of just 'having a go at it' rather than waiting for life to deliver the perfect situation for you to move out in. That's why NTs actually get stuff done, they're not terrified of less than perfect results.

They won't kick me out because they tell me "You're 18, so just leave,"

TO WHERE?! !! I had some ideas:

Homeless Shelter.

Moving in with a friend.

Moving in with a person I just met.

Living in a car.

Being homeless in a faraway city.

Sadly, I have no car. I need an absolute deadline to get my driver's license. I was thinking of getting it for months now, but haven't studied.

After that quarrel, I was ready to cut my vagina with a bread knife.

Well, there are 2 more options that I can think of.

1. Psych Ward (from personal experience, I can tell you that it was a pretty good escape), perhaps there are women's shelters as well, I heard that CA was a good state for this sort of thing, but that was before the bad economy.

2. I make up some BS username and ask all the guys on the dating forum of they want to meet someone in CA, then you can just take your pick lol.

My roomate situation was emotionally abusive, they were manipulative and took $2000 from me. When I refused to fork over the other $2000, my roomate threatened to kick me out. Rather than respond to another threat, I just took him up on the offer. He tried to get physically agressive and I layed him out. Standing up for myself was scarey (it's hard to attack someone you love), but I knew I wasn't gonna take it anymore.

When you threaten to leave, it seems like they antagonize you and belittle you into staying. It might be in your best interest to just leave unannounced, that way they won't try to manipulate you into staying.

ok the important thing in establishing an independent life is to find stable income, whether that be welfare or work, so what is your current income source? do you need to apply for welfare?

As someone who was born without a uterus, and thus unable to have kids, I would strongly advise against it. Try something less invasive. There are plenty of ways to stop your cycle without a hysterectomy. To do the hormonal aspects, which is what most of the mood is, you would need the ovaries removed, not te uterus. You can also get hormone therapy such as birth control which will stabalize your hormone levels, preventing the highs and lows of the natural cycles. But it remains that if you actually had a hysterectomy, as unlikely without cancer as it would be to get one, you would be unable to have kids even if you wanted to, without adopting of course.

FicklePickle, for the period issue I suggest you go to the doctor for Depo Provera. It's an implant under the skin of your arm which works like the pill and stop your period for three months.

About your siblings hitting you - I suggest that you talk to a teacher or a guidance counsellor, you may be eligible for respite (temporary holidays from your family) or if you so choose, a foster family. You could also ask for help getting Youth Allowance.

Also I think that seeing some kind of therapist would be helpful in managing your distress around periods and the issues with your family. You might not like the idea, but think about it. Any help is better than none, and you'll have someone to speak up for you.

I don't HAVE teachers at the moment. And how am I going to take holidays from my family?? When I tell other people, they tell me to do things I already know I have to do, but don't tell me how, so I keep having to ask. I just wonder if even a little blink could get me going so I can get something done? Also, they don't antagonize me into staying, but maybe are and they're using reverse pshycology by saying "Just go! We don't care!" (Ironically, I can't leave unnanounced, but I will anyway, because my sister said my mom would cry and they would set up search parties. Joke's on them when they find me safe living in a condo I pay rent for myself! )

Well, I don't have any experience on how to join peacecorps or jobcorps. But I can tell you exactly how to go to an army recruiter and tell him that you don't have anything medically wrong with you, in fact I can give pretty detailed instructions on how to get through their little game, I don't get the impression you want any of that, but that's all the advice I can come up with. Have you tried contacting peacecorp?