Why do NTs turn nasty ...
thegreatpretender
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... for no appearant reason ?
I remember a science fiction short story I read when I was a teenager, which plot involved part of the human race evolving and the new mutants having an innate kindness, respect for the law/rules, and constantly moral behavior, without any physical difference with the rest of humanity.
Of course, in the book, these mutants were immediately identified from their behavior, discriminated against, bullied, beaten up, hated, for no appearant reason.
Does this sound a bit familiar ?
Nobody likes to have their inconsistencies or moral weaknesses highlighted. And it is striking that most NTs claim they value:
- truth and honesty
- independent mindedness
- absence of prejudices (about social status, race, gender, etc.)
- sharing, generosity (I don't know if socialism is an Aspie trait, but it seemed like a very reasonable and intuitive theory when I was a kid. I however now think capitalism is a better system, as its incentives are better aligned with human nature, but that's another story)
NTs turn nasty once they learn that we are different.
For instance, I had found a house for rent with two older women 6 and 8 years older 7 years ago. The roommate who was 6 years older showed me the tour of the house, and I thought she was really nice. I also thought she would be a nice roommate who would take interest in being a new friend. When I moved in, however, things took a nasty back slide a week later as she realized how different I was. After that, she was a bully in telling me that I couldn't be around her one-on-one. There were even two times where she lied to me and told me that she was having a party and that I wasn't invited, and that I needed to stay away.
6 years after I moved away, I was talking to my mom about her, and she finally told me that when she met my roommate my mom said, "She seemed phoney to me."
gina-ghettoprincess
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Aspiewordsmith
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It is in their neurology to be prejudiced two-faced etc which is a very off putting trait especially between the ages of 12-20. But hwever these people can do it at any stage. The most annoying thing that a neurotypical actually has the delusion of thinking that he or she is better than the Aspergian. Neurotypical people are predominantly not worth knowing. I foung that out late in life; and also their Aspiphobia which I have experienced for about 40 years. If it is not direct hatred what really annoys me is their really fussy and condescending attitude. They make me sick.
Fear will take you to the darkside.
Sorry, not to sound like I'm not taking you seriously, I really am. I do think that the Star Wars saga does kinda define how the good guy can become the bad guy as well as how many men will also remain good.
I also think hypocrasy is a human nature, so that's why you see someone claiming to be honest, open minded, generous, and absent of prejudice as they are also screaming, "I'm right and you are wrong." None of those good qualities claim to be free from greed and gluttony that capitalism seems to promote.
I don't think it's an NT vs Aspie thing. I think all people are capable of both good and bad. You do see a lot of athiest Aspies, and fortunately I'm not one of them. Why? Because God is the only thing stopping me from being a bad person in the sense that I would make a very good criminal. I'm usually a very good person, but I tell people that I don't worry about going to hell because hell won't take me. Satan knows I'll take over. Seriously, just as I'm very capable of being good, I can equally be evil. I do think it's possible that my Aspie nature is why I tend to take God so seriously (even with all my jokes) because I make constant conscious decisions to do the right thing where it seems unusual to be that way even though it's not unusual to be Christian.
Fiz
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I don't think it's NT vs AS, I think it's just people vs people and some people are just nasty for no reason. The why's and wherefore's are often unknown, although personally, I think that those who are nasty take some pleasure out of it, otherwise why do it?
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I feel bad for everyone who's had bad experiences with people they met while attempting to either socialise or simply to function, and I'm certain that quite often there WAS malice in play, but sometimes it's simply ignorance. Someone who's clueless about the autistic spectrum in the first place, will probably see us as rude and maybe purposely unsociable at times, and present themselves as rude in turn. It's wrong and it's quick-and-easy judgment, but that kind of miscommunication does happen, and we often don't know how to properly repair it. Other times, it IS indeed hostile behaviour. What do we do then? Approach it rationally, I'd say, and if reason doesn't work, then at least you tried.
I suppose I'm not one to talk, though; I've had it relatively easy, and I have had the fortune of running into people who were usually understanding of my autism; and run-ins have been mostly with people who didn't know I was.
As for the values mentioned in the original post, I see around me that they are all upheld in society, though they're also violated often enough, which is acknowledged. People in general do value trust and honesty, independent-mindedness, they fight prejudice, and still share generously; I see this all around me, and most of it must be coming from non-autistics for sheer percentages. Yes, there's much injustice in the world, but there's also a counter-force moving against that.
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ddunkin
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No duh. I'm not a very nice person. I am self-centered and judgemental. When someone interrupts my concentration, I get nasty. When people break even the most basic rule, I get angry quickly (but well in control of it). I'm easily annoyed by people, and am more judgemental than most NTs likely are (in a logical way). At least I know why I make my decisions about people and it isn't just an emotional 'feeling'.
Or maybe all the NT nastiness rubbed off on me after a lifetime of what I can only describe as social torture.
thegreatpretender
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I sure hope you are right. Without being misanthropist, I may focus more on the negative sides of human behaviors recently.
It remains that NTs and AS people seem to react quite differently to moral criticism: I for one am certainly not perfect and when someone highlights a moral flaw in me, either I realise this is something I want to fix, or I am happy to live with it. NTs on the other hand seem to live an image of moral perfection and get really upset when something/someone points out the flaws in this image.
I have the impression most people will call cynical and fight to death anything that compromises that perfect self moral image.
Since AS people seem quite open to realistically discuss these matters, it may be one of the triggers that cause NTs to turn nasty on us.
Just a thought...
Nasty people can turn nasty on anyone, NT or AS. I've had people tear into me and of course it's a very unpleasant experience.
here's where I think a major difference is between As and NT regarding this: when a nasty person tears into an NT, that NT person has a stored memory library of probably millions of positive social experiences. The ugly experience is far easier to see as an isolated incident with an ass%$#$% and easier to shrug off because it's outnumbered by so many positve social experiences.
When a nasty person tears into an aspie, the odds are that the aspie has a smaller (maybe much smaller) library of positive social experiences to compare the ass$%^%$# to and so the ass^%$#% becomes proportionally more important and stands out as representative of humanity in general.
Why do the nasty people do it? It's not that they are insecure (odds are they aren't insecure at all- the insecure bully is a myth created to soothe bullied children). There is also no reason to think they are closet homosexuals. That just sounds like "wouldn't it be ironic?" thinking. It would be ironic. But there's no reason that something is likely to be true just because it's ironic.(I actually threw this in because I just read the "macho vs. non-macho thread and this dovetails with it.)
So why does it happen? Because we're primates. If you spend long enough observing a pack of other primate species you will see them do it too.
No, it isn't the same. We are discussing these things amongst ourselves, and in a civilized manner. We are not getting in NTs faces and calling them names or demeaning them or generally speaking making them feel bad.
I haven't noticed many people claiming to be prejudice free...unless they are judges. The federal government claims to be but it's an entity of many.
Most people are prejudice and biased, from what I can tell...Ones that claim they aren't are hypocritical. They all are to some degree. How else can you make decisions? If you had no prejudices, you wouldn't be able to decide on what food to buy. You can use logic in your food purchasing decision making process but what if there are logical arguments for purchasing more than one choice? Somehow you have to make that final decision and it's due to what you prefer for whatever reason: taste, texture, price, amount, ingredients. Prejudice has a certain amount of value in the overall scheme of things. Without some degree of bias and prejudice, the decision making process would be extraordinarily tedious, demanding and nearly impossible.
People aren't always honest, either. Honesty is a myth. Is it possible to be completely honest with our limited perception? Or is it our "version" of honesty which isn't really honest, just another opinion which can also be a biased lie that we have persuaded ourselves is "honesty".
NTs turning nasty for no reason? Most the time they have what they think is a reason, from what I can tell. Sometimes it's because they are in a bad mood so they snap at people in general or they might have a target they feel justified to be particularly nasty to because they, in their minds, rationalize no one will care or put up a fuss if they are mean to that person. Singularity is seen as an exploitable weakness.
Other times it's because they have had "a talk" with other NTs and they all discuss something they don't like about someone else. They can get pretty hateful during these discussions. It's usually when their target isn't around. It riles them up into an overly aggressive "attack" mode so they are more likely to become nasty after one of these "talks". You never know when one of these talks have occured so you might go up to one and say "Hey, how's it going" only to get rebuffed, or worse by someone you thought you were on friendly grounds with leaving you completely puzzled and mystified. If you walk up to a group of people you were under the impression were all friendly and they snub you or tear into you for no reason, you can pretty much assume it's because they have discussed you in a negative way when you weren't around and they are going to strengthen their shaky bonds with each other (usually the main reason why they had the discretionary talk to being with. Not really because of you personally but because they see you as awkward or different, not really belonging, or not as bright as they percieve themselves to be in their own minds. It's a mental process based on the theory of mind thingy and it drives them to bond over something they percieve as weaker than they are or an easy target) by shunning you when you walk up to them to say hi or acting like there's some kind of inside joke only they know and you will never. This is very common bonding behaviour they display. They shine up to the idea that they all know what they discussed and it's about you and they have this power because they are the ones who know and the only way you could possibly find out is if one of them graciously decides to be kind and tell you. It's their power trip.
It's how they feel good about themselves.