I think I'm just plain dislikeable.

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Hi, I haven't been on the forum for a while but now I am because I'm feeling pretty down. Anyway, I'm very worried right now since school is about to start. There's alot of things I have on my mind lately. I think I fail at socializing because I'm just plain dislikeable. I don't need any consolation because its usually pity. Personality is something that I feel isn't dynamic. No matter how much I try to change it, I'm still me. STOP HERE IF YOU DON'T LIKE TO READ A HUGE WALL OF TEXT.
To name almost all the things I dislike about myself:

- I'm a computer nerd, all I can talk to my two friends I have is MapleStory.
- I won't shut up, and convos with my friend are usually one sided. My best friend bears with me (tunes me out), so we get along fine.
- I don't like children. I'm honestly not very nice to my brother and my best friend's brother
- I'm very awkward. This is from my social anxiety. I won't shut up around familiar people, while I'm completely silent around strangers.
- I am different on the internet. I always try to be a good person, but this backfires because my schoolmates that I meet online ask why I'm so cool.
- I'm short-tempered.
- I feel that I am very perverted too.
- I think I am two-faced. Around close friends, I'm an as*hole. Around acquaintances that I perfer not to bother, I'm almost too nice.
- Physically, I think I'm ugly. I am slightly overweight and I dress very poorly. This might be derived from the fact that I don't care about appearances. I am not your stereotypical gay guy, due to my horrible fashion sense.
- I'm a triple minority; I'm asian, gay and have asperger's/social anxiety. Asian = I'm supposedly nerdy, perverted. Obviously kills my self esteem,
- I don't like the fact that I don't like myself. I feel like a worthless piece of crap LOL.

Advice and comments?

You have a lot of insight into what's going on in your life, so maybe you can tweak the things you don't like so that you are more likable to yourself. Most of what you list doesn't strike me as odd, unusual, or particularly problematic.

Computer nerd who's different on the Web? Been doing that since 1991. No fashion sense? Among Aspies that's probably typical, and the handful of women I've dated, along with family members, have been on my about my complete lack of comprehension of clothing for decades. You get the idea.

I'm not sure about the minority issue. I'm a straight Caucasian male, though I lived in Japan for a few years. Since I have never fit in anywhere, I didn't expect to fit in there either. And I didn't. But I enjoyed living there anyway. And only a handful of the Asians I know here in Seattle are nerdy. Most seem very hip, cool, and everything I the "uber geek nerd" am not.

Have you considered therapy or medication? If you have social anxiety or depression, these are treatable conditions that commonly occur among Aspies. Many on WP report a sense of shame because they don't fit in, can't make it on their own the way NTs do, or live very differently from how most people do. Shame leads to low self-esteem.

The external stuff you mention can change. Your friends may be able to help, with clothes for instance. The internal stuff may be eased through therapy of meds, depending on the exact nature of what's going on (I'm not medically trained, so don't diagnose).

Others will add, and I hope improve on what I'm saying. But basically try to go easy on yourself.

I agree I might need some meds for my social anxiety. Do you happen to know what age I have to be to obtain them? My parents don't know I have asperger's.

Not everyone likes children. It is a simple fact. However, it is no excuse to treat children poorly and neither is having ASD. Do you know why you do not like them? Is it a matter of noise or personal space?

Conversational skills are something that you can work on learning. Everyone learns them, it is just that most learn at a very young age. If MapleStory is all that you like right now then of course you will want to talk about it. You have two options here, either sit through conversations about other things that you are not remotely interested in and fake it, or find other interests. Logically a combination of both would be ideal.

I am sorry to say that all of us sometimes have to interact with people who we do not find interesting, take part conversations we find tedious at best, and give up the "talking stick" when it is not our turn. No one is really exempt from it.

Attractiveness can be somewhat subjective. Weight can be changed, clothing can be picked out by someone else.

It seems from your post that you are most likely in High School? That is a difficult time for anyone. You are not alone in your feelings. I will not give you the standard, and in my opinion lame, platitudes about how you will grow out of it or it gets "easier". That is a crock. It can get easier, but not by your doing nothing. Change requires action. Mountains do not turn to sand by time alone.

Age isn't the issue per se. It's a matter of seeing a psychiatrist of neurologist (or other M.D. who can write prescriptions for meds, at least in the U.S.). If you can make an appointment, get there, and then pick up the meds...

But why don't your parents know? I realize from my own experience there are lots of reasons to hide this from your parents, but I suggest at least considering letting them know. Whatever doc you see will ask you about that anyway, and some states require parental notification. Also, some meds work differently in adults versus younger people (children, teenagers). So your options may be limited.

And I like what MorbidMiss said about interests and dealing with other people. Good ideas there.

its funny how the stereotype of asian is supposed to be nerdy i have always thought asians are cool.

you willl get bored of maple story sometime hopefully you will find a interest then that more people would want to talk about.

Well, the good thing about you is, you seem self aware, and asking for advice shows a desire to improve. I can suggest a few things, and you can take it or leave it as you please.

It's okay to be a computer nerd, but you're going to have to force yourself to take an interest in other things. You'll start to feel better about your situation if you start getting used to things you normally wouldn't take an interest in.

As for talking over other people, is this something you can consciously stop? Try holding your mouth shut for 20 seconds and taking a deep breath through you nose (I'm not being sarcastic. This will break your train of thought.) Ask your friend what he thinks. If you find you cannot help this, know that some people who are on the quieter side ( like me ) enjoy those who can carry the conversation. So long as they're not being critical and rude. Oh! Which brings me to:

As for being an as*hole, I don't know how to help you with that. If you're aware you're being like that, then stop. And let me tell you, if you KNOW you're being that way, then you really are just plain unlikable. If you want people to like you, hold off on the rudeness. If you want to continue acting that way, don't come here looking for sympathy. Nobody should put up with your crap just because you need a friend. It's as easy as that, and no harder.

You may be a pervert, who cares. You're not the only one out there. You didn't choose to be that way. Don't blare it out in a megaphone, and people won't assume the worst.

I'm sorry about being gay (not that there's anything wrong with that, but it's hard to live like that.) I hope you find the support you need with that.

I doubt my advice really helped. Only you can really start making progress. Sorry if I was harsh.

I'm half asian (but according to very shallow white people I'm surrounded by I am just "asian") and I'm always the girl who got the lowest grades in classes etc. White nerds give me crap whenever I say or do anything that isn't remotely considered "intelligent". Freaky how irony works.

As for facing school as a dislikeable person, I've learned to deal with being dislike and go about the world as a loner. After dealing with people and going through the phases of friendship desperation, I found it's not worth the risk of getting hurt from it but this just from my experience. EVERYONE has stuck up opinions when it comes to who to like and dislike. So don't be surprised if people dislike cause of their own whacky views. It's sad to be a loner but for some of us it's more comfortable and assuring.

I like communicating with people I dont know through forums more than anything cause I'll never meet these people in real life...they'll never know the REAL me who should be hated and despised by all. Hahahahaaha.

How is it that you dress? Usually I wear a black t-shirt (usually with some sort of "heavy metal"-type image)and a pair of jeans, and of course I'm told that I need a better sense of fashion if I'm going to interest any girls.