Coming out of the closet

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I was diagnosed with Asperger's as an adult (in my 30's). I passed through childhood, went to school, found work, got married, and started a family, all before diagnosis. I always knew I was different, but never understood why. Since being diagnosed, many, but not all, of the pieces have fallen into place. I have a long way to go.

I can count on one hand how many people know I have Asperger's. Since I made it as far as I have without even knowing myself, I simply haven't told others. I worry if my career would be impacted or if I would otherwise be "labeled". It’s almost easier when people just think I am eccentric. .

As I have been discovering what it means to have Asperger's, I have placed considerable effort into understanding how most others work. I am wondering if this journey might be more successful if others too understood how I see the world. It has been pretty one way so far, me studying the world like a scientist.

I have found great support in many of the forums out there, including this one. While I spent most of my time on my own forum, I occasionally come out of my backyard to post a question to a larger audience. I have such a question:

Overall, would I benefit if more knew I had Asperger's or would I regret such a decision? Specific to my career, would I include coworkers? Would my career benefit if people knew better how to interact with me or would everything I do suddenly be dismissed as a result of potential ignorance or judgment on their part?

- D

Personally, I think you should keep it to yourself. You made it this far on your own, and even though people label you as "eccentric", they probably still have respect for you. As soon as your stigmatised, people loose respect for you, idiotic I know, but true.

It depends where you live if you want to tell people at work. In Australia there's a law that can protect you from getting fired.
It really depends on who you tell. I told some people around my age and they kind of didn't know how to act. I told some people around their late 20's/30's and they've been a lot more understanding.
Two of my siblings don't even think it's a big deal. I think it's the young age group (20's) that won't respond well to it.
But it does depend on the people. Some people don't even believe in AS.

Some will be understanding while others won't. I remember when I was diagnosed I wanted to tell people, but I've learnt that I should of kept it from some people.

I think being diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome is generally better for one's own peace of mind. A lot of adults could have benefited, in my opinion, from knowing a bit about what made them different earlier. It isn't all of what makes people with AS different - many of the posts here about topics like sexuality, which have a wide range of viewpoints, seem to indicate that AS doesn't necessarily make you one way or another on those issues. But it certainly should account for a lot. It's not something to obsess over, but it at least gives one a sense of perspective.

I'd be wary with letting other people know about AS, though. Especially since it is a fairly new disorder (really coming to prominence in the mid-90s), many people have been mislead about what the diagnosis may mean. I remember being in a circle of other adults with AS and professionals, and the leading professional of the group asking us all if a teenager with AS should have his school and all his fellow students informed about the condition. Many seemed to agree, but I strongly disagreed and found that I was the only person in the room who was diagnosed as a child. If all the other students knew I was diagnosed with "autistic features" I would become a second-class individual for no particularly substantial reason. I suspect that everyone knowing would still have that effect in the workplace, albeit in a more subtle fashion.

Being discreet about AS is a compromise, but compromises are often necessary. A better approach in my opinion would be to stay on your path, learning about social conventions and keeping your behaviour in perspective, and adapting to make others feel more comfortable.

My own policy with regards to telling other people is that I only tell people if a) it is relevant to the discussion at hand, and b) if they know me well enough that it shouldn't radically change their impression of me as a person. But you may differ.

Thank you for the feedback. All very helpful. Sounds like a unanimous no

If you have friends at work, you might want to tell them. But telling everybody at work is probably a bad idea.

It is very hard to properly describe asperger's syndrome unless you have a while, and the audience's attention. Perhaps taking a friend from work out for lunch and telling him about it would work. But trying to inform an entire office is unlikely to work. Your biggest problem is the fact that second hand information isnt always that great at explaining things. For example, you can give a long speech to one of your co-workers, but news would spread before you could talk to everybody. If you tell one person, he would tell another person and so forth. This might work one of several ways:

1. Hey bob, did you hear eddy has asperger's syndrome
2. Whats that?
1. He said his brain is wired differently then most people
2. Well yeah, everybodies brain is wired differently.
1. Yeah, but his brain is really odd, he is like half autistic.
2. You cant be half autistic, he is just making crap up.

In this case person 2 thinks your a liar who is either looking for attention, or looking for an excuse to act up. Another way it might work is this:

1. Hey bob, did you hear eddy has asperger's syndrome
2. Whats that?
1. He said his brain is wired differently then most people
2. How so?
1. He said he is like half autistic.
2. Ahh, that explains why he is so strange
1. Yeah, I know, I feel sorry for the poor guy.
2. Yeah, I cant imagine what it would be like to be half ret*d.

In this case person 2 now pities you, and probably thinks your arent as capable as you are. This could have negative impacts when it comes time to assign responsibilities. Or it might work like this:

1. Hey bob, did you hear eddy has asperger's syndrome
2. What, really?
1. Yeah, he just told me.
2. I heard about that on the news the other day. Some guy with asperger's syndrome got arrested for some crime.

In this case, person 2 now thinks your are a criminal, or a sociopath. Unfortunately, in today's media, stories about successful adults with asperger's syndrome being intelligent, and doing good work dont make good headlines. Headlines like 'gunman in yesterday's massacre diagnosed with mental impairment' get much more attention. Of course aspies are no more violent then normal people, but when an aspie commits a crime, it always gets mentioned in the papers.

Now if you could sit everybody down one on one and explain that you have AS and what it means, then it might work. But in an office of 50 people, everybody would know you had AS by the time you managed to tell only 5 people. Meaning 90% of people would get their info from second hand sources.

very well put. this is my concern, that it would end up like some adult version of that game "telephone" we used to play in third grade. each person relays the message down the line until the last person, who relays it back to the first in a completely different manner.

I don't really know, but I chose to publish my AS on my blog.

I found myself thinking things like: "What if people find out? What is going to happen then?" And I got more and more anxious.

So I just decided to publish it. Anxiety problem solved again.

Are you Tom Cruise?