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gsilver
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28 Jul 2009, 10:16 pm

I'm sure we've all been bullied. Even the NTs among us.

But, at some point, the bullying stopped, or, at least, should have.

For me, it kind of ended in stages. I was bullied by a variety of people throughout middle school, and finally decided at the end of it, if they wanted a fight, they could have it. If they wanted to attack me in any way, I'd fight right back.

Now, I didn't have any takers, but that was enough to get the "normal" bullies, the average joe who attacked me because I was different, to stop.

The only person who I proactively sought out and attacked, a bully who would sling insults thoughout math class in 8th grade, also stopped. I did get suspended for 3 days, but it was very much worth it.


The "special" bullies, led by one person who was particularly angry at me, persisted until the end of 10th grade. I had a class with him in 10th grade, and his followers would join in. 11th grade onward, I was free. Too bad I was just ignored then, with no friends at all.

The most frustrating part of it was that, especially in 12th grade, my thoughts had turned extremely violent, and I wanted to get back at the people who bullied me so fiercely. However, there was no getting back, since I realized that almost all of them had changed and grown up; no longer the bullies that they once were.

The ringleader who had tormented me for so many years also wasn't the same. I didn't know whether or not he had matured, but he had a degenerative condition that had put him in crutches, and there would be no satisfaction at all in attacking him, so, I just did nothing. Then, my cousin murdered my aunt. That was really the breaking point. Between that and everything else, the anger had nowhere to go, and I just shut down for the next 6 years.

I didn't gain any friends until I put an end to the shutdown, but at the least, the bullying stopped at the end of 10th grade.


By the way, if I ever have kids, I'm going to teach them one thing above all else: If you're being bullied, fight back with EQUAL force. If they taunt, taunt back. If they hit, hit back. NEVER escalate, just respond.

If they gang up on you, well... that's the time to report it.

Simple response ended the vast majority of bullying targeted against me. The rest, well, there was no way getting around that.

Also, lot of what seems like bullying is normal social behavior. In this case, response can even be a type of bonding, and you may end up friends with these people. This part, has been learned only in hindsight.

If only I learned sooner...



Island
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28 Jul 2009, 10:51 pm

Never stops for some of us.


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sinsboldly
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28 Jul 2009, 11:49 pm

Island wrote:
Never stops for some of us.


cosign that, Island. For some of us it never stops.


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Aoi
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28 Jul 2009, 11:58 pm

Bullying seems to change as people get older. I had to survive a delusional stalker a couple years ago. That was different from the earlier forms of bullying I went through, but perhaps still counts.

Since I don't socialize and work from home, I'm relatively insulated from most forms of bullying that others experience. But given my weak social skills, I am apparently an easy target.



Tory_canuck
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29 Jul 2009, 1:05 am

The school bullying ended when I graduated high school


but I had a stint of online bullying from someone I had to work with at an old job I had.Some stupid teenager from that place who used to send me emails calling me a creep etc and that nobody likes me....( I was laid off from that job)....

I blocked her off and that ended.


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Caterina
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29 Jul 2009, 3:23 am

I used to be bullied by my classmates in school. Now as an adult I've been bullied by several bosses and coworkers.

I don't think the bullying ever stops, it just changes subject matter.

I had one boss threaten to fire me because I had stayed late at the office several times due to the fact that couldn't get my work done while my coworker played her radio at the desk behind mine (even though I asked her several times to turn it off or at least turn it down). I was working after hours free of charge, volunteering my time to the company to complete the project I was working on, but my boss said that I was wasting electricity using the ceiling light (one of the horrible, flickery florescent kind) and my computer.

Once my boss gave me the warning, I quit the job, because I didn't want to have to tell future employers that I had been fired. I was very happy to leave that job, anyway, because the work consisted of filing more paperwork than any one person could complete within the three hours alloted per day (especially an Aspie with executuve function problems).

I think that autistics will always be easy prey for bullies because of our difficulties handling social interactions, case in point the fact that we have trouble knowing how to deal with bullies.

My $0.02

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GreenPele
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29 Jul 2009, 7:03 am

The bullying for me seemed to stop right after I was taken out of Middle School and placed in a Special Ed School. Everyone was nice to me there, and when I went back to mainstream school from 10th to 12th grade I was prepared for the fight of my life, but I was suprised when I didn't get the harassment I used to get. Everyone just seemed to completely ignore me, though occassionally there would be a student or two who said the wrong thing to me, but I would either brush it off or find some sneaky way to get back at them.

I think one of the biggest difference between High School and Middle School is that in Middle School I actually cared what others thought of me and it hurt my feelings to be messed with, but in High School I had this "I don't give a crap about you" attitude. I wasn't afraid to hurt poeple's feelings or to act really calloused when they would go into their Mary Sue act when they wanted attention. I think it may have helped somehow. :wink:



Jellybean
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29 Jul 2009, 10:23 am

I still get bullied 6 years on from school... It never seems to end... :cry:


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gsilver
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29 Jul 2009, 11:40 am

For those who are still bullied outside of school, what form does it take?


I've definitely had as*hole bosses and teachers, but that's a lot different than the people who seemed to make it their purpose in life to torment others, like school bullying. Mean people are mean people, period, but I wouldn't call experiences like that outright bullying.

Except the boss and his brother at the last place I worked. There was one person there who they would yell and swear at every day. That was bullying, but at least it wasn't directed at me, even if it did make my entire stay at the company miserable.

They were as*holes to me, also, since mean people are mean people, but they didn't outright bully me like they did my coworker.



kissmyarrrtichoke
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30 Jul 2009, 9:10 am

Mostly around year 10/11 (age 14/15) when I learned to ignore people, was really bad since year 7 and starting secondary school (age 11). After that sixth form started and everyone was much more mature. I still get occasional bullying from friends joking around or people being very blunt with me and I take it all personally, but the worst stuff is over :D
I hope


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deadeyexx
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30 Jul 2009, 9:32 am

When the bullies finally got lives. Happened in high school, when chasing girls & partying were deemed a better use of time than picking on someone.



MissConstrue
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30 Jul 2009, 1:04 pm

Bullying never stopped with me, it's the same but very different than the obvious bullying I had back in school.

I find myself getting bullied by negative implications that're not only not confronted but hurtfully exaggerated. This kind of stuff mostly happens online so I try to ignore it as I don't have a way of blocking them.

There's also the gossip talk, the callous stare, getting lied about, negative assumptions, and name calling here and there. But I got to say it isn't nearly as bad as it was in school and I'm not as sensative as I use to be.


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GreenPele
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30 Jul 2009, 1:44 pm

Well as I said the bullying did stop in High School, and I've never really been bullied by anyone else I know in real life, but there are times when I get bullied on forums because people misunderstand me. When I feel an opinion on something and try to discuss it I tend to be strong about it and I don't use the right words, and people take it as me being rude or ignorant, then just about everyone on a forum starts getting mad at me and calling me rude names, or even thinking I'm being a cybertroll. Then when I try to apologize I get told to "stop the drama". So I just don't really go to forums anymore, but I decided to try this once since I know it's about Aspergers Syndrome and I figured the members here wouldn't misunderstand my quirks so much.



mgran
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30 Jul 2009, 1:59 pm

I cycled home from work today in tears because of bullying from my boss. I'm thirty eight. For me, the bullying never did end.



amazon_television
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30 Jul 2009, 3:31 pm

It stopped as soon as it started. I was never really in a "bullying culture" until high school. My freshman year I tried out for football and the first day in the locker room this crew of like 6 seniors came up to me and told me point blank I was about to receive a wedgie whether I liked it or not. I was like "god damn it fine, get it over with" and this HUGE dude literally lifted me off the ground by my boxers, I was laughing my ass off the whole time and I guess was so good natured about it that I a.) gained at least a semblance of respect from them, as well as like 20 other people watching the whole thing, and b.) presented myself as a less-than-ideal target. So it never happened again.

After that, if any random people tried anything I was able to carry the attitude of "you must not know who I am, back the f**k off or you're going to find out", partially because I just didn't give a sh*t, and partially because it was true.

Maybe I define "bullying" differently than others on here, but I could probably count the times in my life I felt truly intimidated by people in my peer groups on one hand.



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30 Jul 2009, 11:17 pm

When I isolated myself, so it was when I was 16.
At every school or alternative education program that I've gone to I've either been made fun of, taken advantage of or completely ignored.


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