Information on AS

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Okay, before i start you need to know that I am in a schooling program for high school which only has 8 kids in it. We are there as we have been teased/bullied or something and can't handle main stream school.

Okay well the reason i need info on Aspergers is that a new kid has come in and he has Aspergers. Well me and my friends/schoolmates are having trouble understanding some things.
We are all starting to dislike him alittle because of how he behaves. At first we thought he was just a bit of a jerk and snob, until we found out he had Aspergers.

Well even now we are still a bit annoyed with him because he uses it as an excuse constantly. So what we mainly need help understanding is some of the limits and stuff.

Like this one time we were having a joke around raging on each other in a friends kind of way
and He took it personaly when we said something him. We told him we were just having a joke and calm down abit as he was well pretty much yelling lol.... then he blamed not understanding on his Aspergers.

We understand he will have some limits in some things and we want to know what so we don't take it the wrong way... or say something he may not understand and/or offend him in some way.

Another thing is he is alwas talkin just about himself and never asks about us or shows an interest with us. Is this a "common" thing associated with Aspergers??

Thanks for answering my questions, we are just trying to understand and help him.

I'm really sorry to have to tell you this, but those ARE extremely common Asperger traits. I also want to commend you on coming to this site and asking questions.

You're in a rather odd situation, in that you and your friends have an opportunity here to really help this kid.

If there is any way that you can constantly and consistently reassure this kid that you like him and are trying to be friends with him, that you need time to adjust to his traits, but also that he needs to give a little as well?

People with Asperger's have a tendency to be egocentric, and cannot understand another's point of view. This is really central to the whole problem. Also, people with Asperger's, partially because of this "not understanding another's point of view", tend to not understand jokes. I'm currently working with my son on this, and it's HARD.

I hope that you are able to find a way to making friends with this guy. It's hard, but you may find it's worth it, because the way he looks at things is probably very interesting.

I definitely agree. Do not tease him and understand when he doesn't get jokes. This is common and he cannot help it. He is not using Asperger's as an excuse. This is just the way many of us are. I commend you for coming to this site to try to understand Asperger's better and to help your schoolmate.

Ryan14,

Everyone is right. He could probably be a nice guy, but realize that he will be blunt, may know more than you think, and can't tell if your joking, and will probably not understand why anyone would joke about such things.

Ever see House? On one episode, they said House might have AS.

Steve

Good of you to come here! I'm glad you're trying to help that kid. Every Aspie should have classmates like that.

The thing about not getting jokes and friendly teasing is not an excuse. A lot of Aspies have issues with nonverbal communication. Facial expressions, gesticulation, voice intonation, that sort of thing. Something that's natural for you might be very, very difficult for someone with AS.
To understand it, try a little exercise.
Say the word "hello" in as many different ways as possible, with accompanying facial expressions and gesticulation. Neutral. Bored. Happy. Sad. Threatening. Mocking.
Now imagine you had no way to tell these apart.
Now imagine someone hurls a potentially offensive phrase at you.
You see? No way to tell whether the person in question is trying to insult you, threatening you or just kidding.
Considering the fact you're in a class for kids who have been bullied, your classmate probably has been in situations where the very same words have been used to hurt him or even led to physical violence. I can imagine your joke wasn't funny at all for him. He might even have been seriously afraid.

Another thing that might be frustrating for you is that people with AS usually have very poor social skills and are often blunt and unintentionally rude. An otherwise perfectly intelligent person might make social blunders worthy of a very small child. Things like pointing or saying things like "the fat lady over there"... That kind of thing. It's usually not personal and you'll have to try not to get angry but instead calmly explain what went wrong.

About him not showing interest... This is more difficult. I don't know you and I don't know that guy. ^^
He might be totally disinterested in talking to you. (Though I'd consider that unlikely.)
He might be interested in making friends but totally lacking the social skills required for it. (Things like socialising and small talk are not easy tasks!)
I remember someone had to directly explain to me it was polite to ask about people to show interest - up to then I thought if there was anything important, they'd tell me anyway sooner or later. Asking to simply show interest in the person and not in the current topic of conversation simply didn't occur to me. And it didn't mean I disliked these people! In my case it was simply a lack of social instinct. Might very well be the case here too.
Also, he might be overwhelmed in group situations and simply shut down. Try talking to him one on one, it will probably be easier for him.
He will most likely not get social clues so I guess you'll have to try the direct approach and just ask him whether he wants to be friends with you. Kindergarten style. No other way to find out.

Good luck.

Good work on trying to find out.

Please excuse me if this is too personal a question, but it might be helpful:
He is probably in your school program because he has AS, why are you in your school program?

Perhaps you have some common ground with him, that will help you understand him.

As for using AS as an excuse, I'd try to get this point accross to him:
Maybe isn't an excuse, it may be the reason he failed to get that joke (or whatever). However, using it as an excuse can slide into using it preemptively to avoid trying things. And you want to avoid that.

Ryan14,

This guy is probably a very nice person and would make a great friend. You just need to work with him to find inoffensive ways of letting him know when he's rambling about things that nobody is listening to. Also.. don't wait to be asked to talk about yourself... just spit it out... he won't think to ask but he's not being mean, he just doesn't know why you don't blurt it all out.

BTW: I'm surprised that you're separated because you're being bullied. In Australia, we separate the bullies.

yes, it is a common thing. i'm drunk right now and i have AS so dpn't mind me too much if i'm wrong, but it's just his common way of thinking. not a necessarily correct way, but WTF. idk. it's hard to understanf or comprehend from a NT standpoint.

(P.S. bachelor parties are awesome)