Meltdowns, anxiety, and how to cope with them?

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I have decided to make a post about something that I'm sure all of us deal with to a certain extent: anxiety and meltdowns. I known what anxiety is, and I know what meltdowns are, but I have never heard any advice on coping with such things.

I have received A LOT of great advice from the members here at wrongplanet.net, and I hope that I can get some good advice once again.

Now, as I have read, a meltdown happens when a person is put into a situation that they mentally cannot deal with, and they can't deal with the situation, so they fall apart. The person feels they need to get out of the situation, but someone or something is forcing them to stay in that situation. Once that occurs, the mental part of that person falls, and they go nutty, and might react in a number of ways.

I have had meltdowns before, but I only have them in times of extreme stress. Like when I used to work at a fast food restaurant in the drive thru. Sometimes I had to work there by myself, and I had to take orders via a headset, fill up drinks, and hand out food, while having to take the next person's order. It was a lot of multi-tasking, and this, along with being obsessive and trying to make everything perfect, drove me nuts. Sometimes I would get so frustrated, I would slam the cash drawer shut, start swearing, or I would slam cups down when I was filling them up. I was anxious the whole time, because I couldn't get out of that drive-thru window, and I felt trapped.

As for anxiety, whenever I'm around people who are angry or act aggressively, I have a mini panic attack. I don't really express myself vocally or facially, but it is like an internal panic attack, where I freeze up and I feel very light and weak throughout the body. It is almost like a slow motion trance, which has to play out before I return back to normal.

These are just examples of my personal dealing with anxiety and meltdowns. Any advice on how you've dealt with anxiety/meltdowns would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

I completely agree with you. That's exactly how I feel.

The best way I deal with things is going into a corner with my special object, my Midnight Express video, and reading it, holding it and examining it, away from others. I want them to come talk to me but if they do I either ignore them, talk to them in a dreamy way, or start screaming at them so I have found that just being left alone for a bit is the best way, even though I usually end up damaging myself either through biting or hitting things.
A teacher told me to try 'breathing in a square' i.e. concentrating on 1 side of a square, breathing in at the same time, then onto the next side and breathing out, and keeping going around the sides until you feel calm, but I find these breathing exercises don't calm me down but that might just be me.
My psychologist was no help when I went to see her, so I stopped seeing her. She kept contradicting herself and going in circles (sure you understand how NOT GOOD this is) but now my new one says he will help me, so atm that is the best advice I can give cos I haven't had any help either.

I like your descriptions of what brings on a meltdown. Having gone through a small one yesterday due to intolerable noise, I can add a few tips.

1. I try to get away from source of the anxiety if possible. Sometimes I end up leaving my home and going to the library, a place I find very soothing. This leads to...

2. Do mental math. For some reason, my brain locks onto numerical patterns, and working through them (multiplying or squaring numbers, for instance) can be very soothing for me. It's a form of mental stimming. And that leads to...

3. Stimming. I try not to do it in public, but I often end up speaking aloud to myself (which doesn't seem to bother people much these days, since so many people have virtually invisible cell phones, everyone seems to be talking to themselves). I also rock, draw circles with my hands, contort my body into very odd positions (I'm rather flexible).

4. Read or play a computer game. Reading only works if I have a quiet space and a good book, but it does work quite well. Computer games work similarly. I have noise-reduction headphones, so I just plug those into my computer when playing the game (Age of Empires with all the expansion packs is a current favorite for computer-game stimming).

Finally, since I have seizures, if I'm close to having one, I also take an extra dose of the meds I'm on. Sometimes I can't tell if it's a meltdown or a seizure, and sometimes it's both. Either way, the extra dose is helpful in preventing a small meltdown/seizure from becoming a major one.

I don't do this but think it's a great idea. I usually recite numbers, which does very little because it doesn't make me focus on it that much.
In my latest blog entry I wrote about some anxiety I had at a gig. I got stressed by the crowd and the noise was hurting and I just fell apart. The typical shutdown; unresponsive, more stimming, worse coordination and very short emotions. It took me three days to get over, so I really do need to find a solution.

How long do meltdowns usually last with you guys? It's happened a bunch of times where i'm in the car or something with my parents, and they end up arguing with me or eachother over something or other and their voices just seem too loud and serious and whatever all at the same time and my mind can't keep up and i'll pretty much let out a really loud demonic-sounding yell... Sometimes i'll also feel like hitting something or hurting myself, but it's mostly just a really short happening that freaks everyone out. It rarely helps the situation, heh... but they try not to overload me like that much these days since they know i'm bound to go all crazy like that. I think that might be some kind of meltdown, but it's usually really short and concentrated into one quick burst of frustration. Purely sensory things don't usually do it.. But getting criticized, people demanding too much of me, or people yelling at me will. I have no clue how to avoid them... I think, with me, it comes on quicker than i can control it. But i'd say that antidepressants helped me with anxiety a whole lot In fact, that's probably part of the reason that i don't have meltdowns as often these days... I don't have such intense feelings of anxiety aggrevating a situation.

I do math in my mind all of the time when I'm stressed. I draw circles with my hands and feet, too. In fact, I often combine the two. While I'm squaring numbers, or counting by whatever number, or whatever, I'll quickly draw the answer in the air with my foot or hand. I didn't know that anyone else did that.

I used to draw numbers on the carpet of my classroom when I was about 8 years old.

Come to think of it, I count the number of letters in words and also will mentally find the middle letter in a word when i'm stressed pretty often. It's really pointless, but i'm been doing it since i was little in my head.

Good topic, I'm trying to figure this out myself. I think today may have been the first day that I was able to separate out the physical meltdown from the mental shutdown. I slept way more than I wanted to, and woke up very late in the afternoon, but was still super super exhausted. Often time this tends to trigger frustration in my inability to sleep properly, sending me into a mental shutdown.

Historically, the mental shutdown has occurred when I just get mentally overloaded and can't handle what's going on in my life. The first time was about this time 10 years ago, when I had just gotten fired from a job due to my attendance problems (related to sleep and constant tardiness), I was having severe school problems (mostly from sleep and attendance, partially from being behind in homework), and a situation with a woman that my friend said was exhibiting behaviour like she wanted to sleep with me (that I didn't pick up on myself) before she left town - but went totally awry and she left before we even fooled around. Since I was essentially a "born again virgin" at this point (only had sex a couple time overall, and only once in the past 6 years), having no clue what went wrong with this woman just set me off into something I had never experienced before: massive MASSIVE amounts of sleeping, upwards of 36 hours straight, and just feeling horrifically wrong about my life and any sense of being able to fit in with the rest of society (i had an impending sense/fear of this for at least a year or so prior to this).

This went on for about 2 years before it waned.

I'm in the middle of another big one right now, but it's different. The women problem isn't as big a deal as it once was (I still have a hard time picking up signals from across the room), but now it's the problem of being in my 30's and not having a career i can rely on due to my lifelong sleep problems (also have been fired from every job in the past 4 years...). Been out of work since April, and not having any luck finding anything I have the qualifications to do.

The pressure to "get my sh!t straight" and find out how to be able to find my place in the world has never been higher, and I just haven't been able to take it, sleeping a ton and not wanting to talk to people because then I'd have to explain what's going on - and often times I'm not really sure what's going on. I don't really know (well, maybe i do now) why I'm like this, why I withdraw, and why i have panic attacks from just looking through the want ads.

OK, so i guess the point is, that i need help identifying what's going on, and then better ways of dealing with an impending shutdown/meltdown.

I think you could benefit from releasing some of the responsibility it sounds like you feel towards a lot of the factors in those situations. When someone is angry or aggressive, (or upset in any way, really) there's not too much you can do, and when there's not much you can do, there is no point in being anxious. If you can calm them down somehow, count that as bonus points. But if you didn't directly aggravate them, it's their problem to deal with. (And if you did.. stop doing that.)

And when you're multitasking, just focusing on things in little bits and pieces is good. Do something to an acceptable level, then finish it and clear it out of your mind, you know? Then you don't have to feel responsible for too many things at once. Also, it's good to realize that no one can be expected to be in control of everything in some situations. And you can always slow it down a bit. So you kind of have to lower your standards, but if you're a perfectionist, the level you lower them to will usually be just fine anyway.

I've been away fro WP for a while, maybe I was doing better, more self confident, but always something happens that pushes me down. Almost every people that I need to talk makes me anxious, and I sometimes fail very bad. Two or three weeks ago - can't say how much time exactly because I'm heavy on meds for now - the highest boss in my job caused me to feel ashamed and lowed my self esteem in some kind of crazy discussion. She is crazy, completely and stupid also, but I couldn't evade the bad feelings. Now I am very anxious, I can't barely do anything about my life. Can't think about the future, or the bills or my job. All this makes me sick of anxiety.

This is the second time this happens in this year, I worked very hard to rebuild myself through this entire year, but one abusive person could destroy everything in seconds... even I, myself, know that I did nothing wrong and she is just crazy.

In the beginning of this year I was willing to kill myself and got myself in a mental institution for some days until I feel better - and I didn't. My wife helped me, but I feel that can't support me as I need, or as much times I may need.

How you deal with this downhills of life? I need to stop the meds and go ahead but I don't feel that I can even think about it. I'm deep frightened.

I need some advice. Thanks

These are some methods I’m currently using to deal with anxiety/meltdowns.
Many of these are proving very successful.


Before going out try and “immunise” yourself from stress:

-Watch funny sit-coms and cartoons that deal with stressful situations in non-threatening ways. Memorise the dialogue/visuals so that these can be recalled during a stressful situation. This takes the pain out of the situation and puts the focus on the humour. It also aids clear thinking and problem solving: as it means you can mentally "view" the situation calmly from a distance and a new angle.

-Read amusing poems and listen to uplifting/funny songs. Recite a silly poem or song silently in your head during a tense situation. The more ridiculous and funny the subject matter, the better. I’ve found non-sense verse to be particularly calming. I’ve found that repetitive rhythms and regular rhyming patterns tend to have the best effect. Also ones involving numbers or calculations such as A.A Milne’s “The Emperor’s Rhyme”:

-Learn to meditate and practice focusing quietly. Find quiet spaces to walk, sit and contemplate. Learn what your stress triggers are and observe when you encounter a trigger. Observe your thoughts and notice when you feel angry/acting out. Then take a deep breath and try to stop. If possible, withdraw from the situation and be silent. If not, calmly listen to what other people have to say. If possible, calmly make your needs known. Consider that an angry person may be hurting inside or may not be thinking clearly about what they're saying.

-Look at maps or have a prior visit to an important place you have to go to (preferably during a quiet time). Take time to look around at where all the facilities so you can orientate yourself. Ask staff questions if necessary. Make an action plan in advance before the big day arrives. Forewarned is forearmed.

-Read books/literature relevant to the task in advance. Get familiar with any new jargon, concepts or definitions. This means that you are less likely to feel panicky and lost when an instructor/person in authority starts issuing verbal instructions. You can also keep up better. Prepare as much as possible in advance and think up any contingency plans. The more in control of the situation you can feel, the better.


During the stressful situation:

-Count backwards from 50 to zero. And breathe slowly.

-Arrange any important equipment quietly and count it silently, systematically to check that it’s all there. Be organised. Count the equipment again if you panic.

-While waiting in a crowded setting (if possible) study the detail of an object to distract yourself (such as patterns in the carpet or lighting fixtures).

-If possible (if you’re accompanied), ask someone else politely to do the talking if you feel really overwhelmed and disorientated. While s/he is sorting things out, study the details of the physical environment (see above point).

-Find a quiet place to sit, such as a toilet cubicle if you have to escape the situation.


Avoid stressful situations (if possible):

-Avoid going to public places and shops during crowded/noisy/over-stimulating times (such as at weekends)

-Do online shopping and use mail order catalogues.

-Try and do tasks that involve solo work or as few people/crowds/teamwork as possible.

-Try and keep unpredictable variables to a minimum.

-Be aware of your strengths and limits

-Find environments that are quiet, spacious and supportive.

-Find an alternative way/method if feasible.


Crowded situations where there's no escape are tough though.

Studying the beauty in structures calms me down.

Sometimes I imagine molecules and travelling through the molecular lattices in my mind.

Or I remember a piece of artwork, film or sculpture that I’ve seen that I’ve particularly enjoyed.

If there is music playing, I analyse the structures, time signatures and patterns within the music.

If I'm outside, I look at the structures in nature: the whorls in a snail's shell, the patterns of veins in the leaves, the flowers and so on.

If I can give my emotions some sort of a structure or divert any of my surplus energy to creating/observing/recording/organising/arranging structures, I usually begin to feel much better.

I think that contemplating/creating structures out of thoughts and feelings has a lot of therapeutic benefit. It’s just a shame that sometimes other people don’t see it that way or try and force someone to socialise by dragging that person away from the activity or trying to change the subject. It would be nice if these activities could be accepted more as valid methods of stress relief.