Aspergers Bringing Out The Worst In People

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I was reading in another thread where we kind of stipulated that one difference (generally speaking) between NT's bullying experiences and Aspies' bullying experiences is that Aspies aren't always bullied by bullies, but that nice normal people will end up bullying us. So with that, I notice how not only do I seem to bring the worst out in people, that worst seems to be pretty crazy (like I had one woman who worked for the FBI threaten to stab me with a fork...my landlady just told me to watch my back...and once I even managed to anger a guy in an ONLINE class to a point where I feared he was going to be the next school shooter).

Then I was talking to my mom today, and my life isn't going so hot right now, especially with money. A lot of it is bad luck. I seem to have an unusual amount of bad luck well beyond my control. My sister even recently asked me how I get myself into these crazy situations. So not only do I seem to get crazy people threatening me on a regular basis, but I also seem to get people to screw me over on a regular basis.

I've come to the conclusion that Aspergers means that I have the word "SUCKER" tattooed across my forehead that everyone else can see but me. Does anyone else feel this way? And, any ideas for ways to prevent these sort of things?

Asperger's can put you at higher risk for this sort of thing... but unfortunately (or I guess fortunately if it helps you feel better) anyone with a low self esteem, poor social skills unrelated to Aspergers, prior experience with abuse or even just plain pushy parents is at risk for all of those things.

Also, I would be willing to bet that these so called "normal" people are only seeming nice because society pressures them to be that way. Anyone who is a bully to just one or two people is a bully at heart. They just do not feel "safe" doing it to people other than you. These are not nice people being mean, they are cowards being mean to the only people that they feel they can without fear of reprisal.

very true
nice normal people gave me hell most of my life
nice normal people loose it by my mere presence
it is hell to deal with our very complicated soul while at the same time we have to deal with unbelievable unjust and cruel reactions from the normal social environment
solution ?
i stay away from people as much as it is possible
it's very hard,sad and lonely but at least i'm alive

In the words of Machiavelli, it's better to be feared than loved. Bring tape recorders so you can have evidence of their words. With such evidence, you can get them fired or even sue in some circumstances. The more people fear you, the less likely they are to do you wrong. Never underestimate its power.

I'm thinking there has to be a way to help prevent this. I'm a pretty domineering person, and most people say my personality intimidates, so I doubt it's fear. Maybe it's a defensive reaction? I don't know. I think the rudeness is an act of defensiveness...like somehow I'm setting off an offensive vibe without intending to. If you think about it, people don't trust strange. It's not that they hate it or fear it as much as they don't trust it because it's unexpected, unknown, and unpredictible.

But the whole bad luck seems to happen too frequently. I move into a rental house for the landlord to want to sell it 2 months later. Now, I have to pay rent for 2 places again in the same month, pay deposits, cost of moving, etc., all completely unplanned where our budget was tight to begin with. Last week the AC was off all week because it was flooding (clog from previous flood) and we ended up getting a hotel room for two nights because it was too hot to handle for me being pregnant and the one year old had issues too. Previous flood was clogged from previous tenant, and I lost a thousand in damaged property (even with renter's insurance) and had to get a hotel room since we had to be without water. My husband just got laid off in May, and we find out I'm pregnant again in June (something where the odds of it happening are amazing that it happened, like I should name this kid Jesus whether it's a boy or girl). I had depleted all our savings in April for my sister's wedding shower and some other things.

When we got out the military in 2007, I was nine months pregnant, and they refused to let us change the separation date or reside in base housing beyond separation. Tricare dropped me on a dime, and no other health insurance would pick me up because pregnancy is "a pre-existing condition." So we move out of base housing, had to dump our cats off at the humane society because the SUV I had hauling a u-haul suffered from engine failure, and we stayed at a hotel for a week stranded (mind you, I kept taking that vehicle to mechanics swearing something was wrong and they swore I was imagining it). The base housing also charged us $1500 to replace all the carpet that we had already paid someone $400 to clean because there were yellow marks on it under the black light. So we ended up shipping my car for 800 and then paying 1000 to rent a minivan (one way is ridiculous) that we almost couldn't get and had to drive an hour to get to, I was four and half cm dialated while traveling across country, oh we gave away all the stuff in the Uhaul that we still had to pay for even though we didn't get to use it except for storage, and I couldn't stop throwing up during the trip and peeing myself every time I did. We also had our oldest daughter with us who was one year old at the time. I gave birth, paid for by the state medical card, 3 days after we got here. Oh, and we gave away a classic sports car worth 6 grand because we had no way of getting it here, and our family in that area refused to allow it to be parked in front of their house long enough to sell it for us. Oh, and he almost got a civilian job getting $30 an hour, but then he didn't qualify for those type of jobs because the military didn't send him to this training that they sent everyone else in his shop to (with the exception of the only low ranking black guy who was usually one of my husband's partners...sounds racial, but the Cuban guy got to go, but he kissed butt all the time)...and because he didn't get that training everyone else got, he doesn't qualify for much beyond entry level.

Somehow also, I planned a trip to Puerto Rico in 2006 to see my husband's family and get my first born baptized in their church since I don't really have one of my own, and I figured every expense to be about $3,000 for the trip. Due to crazy ass bad luck yet again (mainly technical stuff with car rental, airline tickets for the godparent and grandparent, hotel situation, etc.), the trip ended up costing us $10,000. As soon as we got home with a large debt from this trip (when our credit was good), I get food poisoning really bad, and I couldn't take care of the 4 month old baby we had. So, my husband was doing his best to help me, but you can't call off work to take care of sick family in the military, so he was trying to do both. He got to a formation 20 minutes late because he changed a diaper and burped the baby before he left because I was throwing up non stop, and they took away one of his stripes (which was about $300 a month taken away from us). He and 5 other guys were late, yet he was the only one who lost a stripe and the only one with a good reason.

But do you see how this crap just keeps happening to me over and over again. Nobody else in my life has this kind of drama on a regular basis, and when they do get drama, it's usually pretty obvious how they could have avoided it. I don't know if I'm just cursed or if it's an Aspie thing. But if I am cursed, anyone know a good way to remove that?

Machiavelli was an idiot
I too trigger the same response in people since the day i was born and the result is very difficult life
Aspies appears as strange to most people and most people fear what they can not understand
the tragedy is that most of us are very honest and sensitive and attentive to the existence of others
guess this is what makes us so strange as the majority of people are not that honest or attentive to other people needs
we are strange because we love and cares
we are hated because of our non violent nature
it is are honesty and fairness that makes us so unpredictable and intimidating to the average SOB
and there is no way we can change ourself to be as bad as most NT
we have no choice but to wait until society gets a little bit better so it could accommodate honest,well intentioned, intelligent people
it could be a long wait

I do what is effective. I could care less about being "socially appropriate". There is no point in being "ethical" to unethical people who run a corrupt system. Wouldn't it be more unethical to allow them to get away with such atrocities? Doing what is effective is only logical.

Sure,I also never cared about what is deemed "socially appropriate"
partly because Machiavellian tactics are considered socially appropriate in our times
that why i think that to inspire fear or to manipulate people is not something i'll recommend to aspies as it wouldn't sit well with their identity
NT are much better than us at manipulating people because they too,like Machiavelli ,seeks power above anything else
most of us just don't care about such stuff
power is for idiots

You don't need to be a social butterfly in order to manipulate. I think two steps ahead of the opposition, thinking of possible scenarios that can play out. I analyze my surroundings and think of possible ways to get out of certain scenarios. I look figures of authority in the eye and shake hands in order to convey professionalism. I understand the human mind by making observations and reading psychology textbooks. Instead of such tactics being instinctual like NTs, my manipulation is more calculating and methodical. Fortunately, I am verbose and often think on the spot. My analytical and aggressive nature bodes well with this, even though I am not the best at small talk or socializing with groups. As for not boding well with our identity, wouldn't people automatically be more trusting of our words over the words of others if they are supposedly under the assumption we are weak and naive? If they don't think we are capable of manipulation, that makes us even more dangerous, for they never see what's coming.

You may also need manipulation in order to keep your rights. For example, if the federal government banned handguns and were confiscating them door to door, you could have 25 guns but give them 5, acting as if they were doing you a favor. They wouldn't know you had 20 others hidden away! Of course, these firearms wouldn't be hidden inside the house where they are easily accessible but rather in nearby areas in which such tyrants would be unable to find them, areas where no one would suspect.

I don't want power over others or social status. I want the ability to fairly do as I please. Unfortunately that isn't always possible; thus one must strategize in order to break free of the malevolent actions and unjust regulations of others.

I am sorry, but no amount of manipulation or being rude or tape recording people (which is illegal in most cases if the person does not know and consent) is going to replace learning to be more assertive. Not aggressive. Assertive.

You must learn to tell your abusers that you feel their antics are unwarranted and inappropriate. You must learn to go to people above the ones harassing you and complain in a calm and rational manner if they do not desist.


As a side note, I have been in the Military. Being late once will not get you demoted. There were other things at work there I can assure you. None of that post sounded like luck as much as bad planning, poor bookkeeping, and probably personality conflicts and a mountain of counseling statements at work. It is difficult to lose a stripe, it usually takes drugs or a physical altercation.

Good advice but you must gauge every situation. I am speaking of times where talking it out doesn't work on either level.

Everyone bullies the person with an ASD (well, this is what I've found).

You know how we can't read them and all, and how their behaviour is confusing to us? It's the same for them, but since we're that lone nail amongst the masses.... I don't understand bullying, but I know it's a survival thing, like picking out the weakest and doing one's best to cast them out. But, since humans aren't in trees and stuff, there's nowhere for "us" to go but to leave and become withdrawn, die, and/or try to take the blows (they'll usually be verbal).

Sounds sombre, and it is.

as a side note to this thread i like to say that one of the commonest mistakes about people with asperger is that their lack of manipulative skills stem from weak or naive identity
the opposite is true
and u r very right in noting that nothing terrifies NT more than someone who just express himself directly with no hidden agenda or irony or double meaning
with many apies what u see is what u get and so i can see and agree and used some of your tactics i think that when it come to assertiveness it is much better to lean on your natural strength and operate from an areas that fit u naturally so u can be more creative and spontaneous
i too served in the army and every one knew i was very weird but very good at what i do( i served and fought as a tank commander)
in a combat unit the AS ability to speak straight and to the point is an asset and i was much aprechieted and and everyone knew that though i'm a freak of nature they could count on me no matter what
that's why i think that an AS should count on his "native" strength and skills instead of wasting them playing by the games by NT rules,
they are better at such cr*p than us
in short
be yourself

Direct confrontation can often break them down, especially if you aggressively question them, knowing very well it will reveal their true nature. People hate to hear the truth about themselves or their own inner motivations. In turn, their irrational reaction can be used against them. We should use our analytical and pattern-seeking nature as well as our hyper focus as weapons against our foes.