Describe your child's first two years

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If you are a parent of someone on the spectrum, describe their early childhood. Did they seem completely normal to you, or did you notice that they were different? If so, how?

If you are also on the spectrum, did you know this before your child was born? If you did, were you worried or looking for autism signs from the beginning?

I have two completely different experiences with two sons, born ten years apart. The older son was never diagnosed, but I think very much that he would have been on the spectrum somewhere, and a younger son who was diagnosed PDD-NOS.

With the older son, he seemed to be a very happy, pleasant baby. I only noticed later as he was three or four that he had an odd way of walking on his toes [sometimes an early sign of being on the spectrum]. The doctor we went to said that nothing was wrong, so we didn't worry about it, and the toe-walking resolved itself within a year. BUT, we noticed that this son did not socialize well in school. He lined his toys up, collected toys, but did not really play with them or use his imagination. He was clumsy and unathletic. He spoke like a little professor. He did not "get" things very well, like jokes, or game rules, etc. None of these "problems" were very big problems, so I did not seek help. But I did wonder when socializing would get better for him, and oddly enough, in middle school, when he grew and matured, things changed and he actually did quite well through high school. I don't think that anything he does now would be considered "on the spectrum", and he has a very regular, normal life at 23.

My younger son was, like his brother, a very sweet baby. Easy-going, non-demanding, etc. He did not have eye-contact, though, and he did not point and have a shared interest. When I took him to preschool, it became very obvious that he was not meshing with the other students, so we had him checked out, and that was when he was diagnosed.

As far as the first two years, the older son really didn't show signs that I would have recognized. The younger son was different, though -- he did not show eye contact, he did not seem interested in other children, he reacted negatively to change in routines, he was just "different" in a number of ways. Both boys had NUMEROUS ear infections before the age of two. I have a daughter, NT, who didn't have near the number of ear infections that the boys had had by age two. The only sign that my older son may have had was that he was very happy to go to any person -- he did not have a fear of strangers, and didn't show the typical strong attachment to his mother that most children show.

Hi fiddlerpianist,

I saw your post yesterday afternoon but wanted some time to think about it.

When my first son was born, we were totally unaware of my own condition and thus didn't even consider that he could be on the spectrum. My wife first started noticing things but since she was in PND at the time and since it all looked normal to me, I mostly ignored her. Our son would line up his cars in colour order and would play with them constantly, ignoring other toys. We didn't pick up on gaze avoidance but we did notice that it took a huge amount of effort to distract him from any activity. Our son had problems with food textures and was a picky eater. He was climbing long before he could walk and his speech was delayed. He preferred to play alone than with other children although he did have friends. He didn't remember his friends names even though they had no problems remembering his. When our son came home from preschool, he would answer "good" to all our questions but put no effort in. If we said "who did you play with?" he would answer, "no one" because it was easier when in fact, we had advice from the preschool that he had played with other kids. Our son always had his hands in sand, dirt and water - we were told that this is a "sensory thing" and an early warning sign.

Our son's toilet training was also problematic and he was a very late developer in that area. We started visiting a developmental pediatrician because of this particular issue. Strangely enough, he wasn't so worried about the toilet training but felt that our son's speech was more critical. "Fix the speech and everything else will folllow", he advised. Although we sent our son to a speech therapist, it wasn't until he started school and had problems sitting still and problems keeping quiet that things really started to escalate. We saw a pediatrician on the school's insistence and he was diagnosed with ADHD. The school responded by telling us that the diagnosis was not what they expected him to get. Eventually, we gave them leave to discuss their classroom issues with our pediatrician and on our next visit he ran some tests specifically for aspergers.

I'll discuss my other son in a later post but with him, a lot of things were different - plus, we knew what to look out for.

My oldest son (now 4) did everything early. He rolled over at 2 months, crawled at 4.5 months, got teeth at 5 months, cruised at 7 months, walked and ran at 9 months. But he did not speak an actual word until he was 2.5 and finally spoke broken sentences at 3 years. (He talked gibberish constantly!) Socially he was completely normal until he turned 3. At that point my hubby and I were the only ones who could touch him. Well, us and his 3 cousins whom he was very close to. He had gotten very close to my grandparents the year before, we lived with them while hubby was away with work, and was very affectionate with them. We moved away from them and visited monthly, moving next door to them 6 months later. It took 9 months from the time we moved back for him to allow them to touch him at all. Now it's very sporadic.

My youngest son is 10 months old. He also has done everything early, about 2 weeks older then my oldest son was when he did them. BUT we have noticed a huge difference in them. My youngest has said "mama", "dada" and "bubba" since he was 7 months old and now has added several other words to those. My first thought was, there's no way he'll be autistic but the more I learn the more I see he may very well be. I don't know, time will tell.

Thanks for all of the replies thus far.

Schleppenheimer, the way you describe your oldest son reminds me of myself growing up, particularly the part about being a happy baby, being unathletic, and seemingly "growing out" of it. Through sixth grade, I was very inward focused and made few to no peer relationships. I did, however, have very good adult and teacher relationships and therefore little trouble in school. Junior high, particularly seventh grade, was a very dark time in my life. The bullies descended on me very hard that year, but I get the feeling that many here had it worse than I did. When I hit high school, I managed to make many friends through activities involved around my music interests: choir and orchestra. I had minor sensory issues when I was little, but they all seemed to clear up by themselves when I hit adolescence.

In the interest of full disclosure, I have a one-year old son. I'm keeping my eye open for signs because it seems like there is a greater chance of him being on the spectrum if I am. I know it's very early to be looking for AS but I'm trying to sort out what is normal from what is unusual. He's not at all the way classic autistic babies are usually described, as he's very happy, engaging, interested in everything, and babbling lots. He has a couple of interesting behaviors I've noticed, but I have no idea if they are early signs or if they are even that unusual.

He absolutely hates riding in the carseat. From what I understand, most babies go right to sleep in a car. For us, that's a really good way to make him angry. Another is that he often goes completely silent when eating, like the rest of the world has disappeared. He also loves being tossed up in the air and turned upside down (he's like this since he was very little, like 4 months).

We're also teaching him many of the baby signs for common objects and events. I think he knows what they all mean, but he's only signing back bird and dog... nothing such as Mom, Dad, food, more, change, or even cat (we have 4 cats around the house which he is very intrigued with).

Life's a big adventure for all of us, and we're loving it... except maybe some of those sleepless nights.

Our son's first two years seemed normal. He smiled a LOT, looked people in the eyes, didn't say much...but tried. He was such a happy camper!

I guess it was around 2 when he started to fuss, became fearful of change or other people, and woke up evey night with night terrors, unable to be consoled. Very difficult to take him to the store as he would tantrum. Or, in the parking lot, I would have to hold his hand TIGHT, because he did not have awareness of danger of cars. He would run right out if I didn't hold onto him (preschool age) He didn't have any language and I think part of tantruming was out of frustration. Once he started spec. ed preschool, he was taught some sign language, and we also put magnets of things on the frige, so he could point to what he wanted. It helped. He did not like being in the baby swing either. Oh, and he did like the exerciser. He LOVED to rock and bounce. In fact, he used to rock so much on our couch when he was a toddler, the wooden legs broke off! Yes, he loved it that much. It would put him to sleep. (we fixed the couch)

Also, when he was around 2, when you'd call his name, he wouldn't respond. Some relatives thought perhaps he had a hearing problem. We took him for tests, which went terribly. (the enclosed booth) Then one doctor, pediatric neurologist, saw him, spoke with us alittle, and after such a brief visit, told us the diagnosis of high functioning autism. The hardest part was not knowing what we should do, what would happen, etc.

We have videos of when he was a baby, toddler. It breaks my heart to watch them sometimes, because he seemed fine all that time. I have questions about the thimerosol theory. Just seems like it developed suddenly with him. Or, we didn't notice any of the small indications. But honestly, he was developing typically. I hope no one is offended by the way I am describing this.

He is 15 now and in a "typical" classroom. On another thread I wrote that I hope he will check out this forum because I think it would help him so much to learn from others on here. I'm very new here, and am soaking up so much on these threads! I hope he will come and be encouraged here.

Hi MommaM,

Thanks for sharing your story. I can't imagine what you would have said that could possibly be construed as offensive. You are very welcome here and I hope you find the forums informative and maybe even enlightening.

thanks, fiddlerpianist I do, and they are!

Hi Fiddlerpianist

My 20 year old son has Aspergers. He is the middle child, between an older brother (23) and younger sister (19). There is only 14 months age difference between him and his little sister.

Shea was born by caesarean because I had a small pelvis and my babies had fat heads but then at the time of delivery it was discovered that he was also breech. He took a while to get breathing and then he didnt cry just gave a couple of little squawks. His first apgar was 2 and the second was 8.

He was under a paediatrician for his first 5 years because he looked as though he had been born with arthritis (his fingers and feet were xrayed when he was just a few months old but he was given the all clear). He was also lactose intolerant, didnt cry tears and by the time he was 18 months old he had already had 2 bouts of pneumonia.

He was such a placid baby, big bruiser - no problems with weight gain or eating, met all his developmental milestones except he didnt walk until he was 16 months old. He was also a "rocker" - rocked himself out of a cot and into a bed at 6 months. He still rocks now (and when he is very stressed and anxious he will be rocking while standing without even realising). He had friends, joined in with things (he didnt mind being alone though where the other 2 were always off with their friends even as littlies). He was slower in the fine motor skills development and to this day he has never been able to master tying his shoelaces!! We just thought he was unique and didnt really worry too much because he soaks up information like a sponge so it was obvious that he was bright, and not everybody can be a coordinated sports star.

But nothing was ever picked up - he had bowel problems which were put down to the trauma of his dad and I splitting up but they came right after about 12 months. He was bright at school, didnt like team sports but loved running, tennis and swimming. He excelled at running, but hated playing rugby or anything like that. The only time he will participate in team sports is when it is friends and family playing a friendly game only. There was some bullying at one stage but that was sorted out very quickly by his closest friends, his sister and her friends who all got together to make it very clear to the bullies that their behaviour would not be tolerated!!

He is unco-ordinated, and as he has become older he kind of stands out as being different. As he got older (in his teens) it became obvious that there was something very different about Shea but he wasnt diagnosed with Aspergers (he calls it his asparagus disease) until he was 19 (just last year so he is still getting used to it and what it means to him).

Oh by the way we live in New Zealand.

Shea's brother and sister are fiercely loyal of their brother, the 3 of them still hang out together now. I guess the good thing about living in a small town is that the kids friends become lifelong friends and because of the closeness in age of the 3 of them they have this huge network and support from their friends. All of their friends (and parents) support Shea and woe betide anyone who tries to criticise him or poke fun at him.

Thanks to all our friends and family and the support for me as a single mum, I believe that our situation helped Shea to become a great communicator. At the time of diagnosis the specialist noted that Shea had several chromosomal differences as well but our family doctor told me not to worry because it wasnt affecting him - so I really have no idea about how many differences (the dr pointed out 3 but said there were more).

I have just discovered this site so I sent him all the details the other day and I am hoping that he joins as well because it is so helpful.

My DS (4) dx Autism...

As a baby he wouldnt sleep much through the day. Had Reflux and Colic and very usettled. Around 3 Months of age he couldnt sit and observe without having something to touch or watch on tv... Needed constant stimulation or to be held. Would scream at every clothing or nappy change .Not a placid baby at all! From 6 months of age he wouldnt have a bar of textured food, and ate pureed food til he was well over 15Months old. Would throw tantrums for no apparent reason and by one he was throwing his head into the floor and walls. He didnt speak until he was 2.5 and then was only a few words... sentences at 3.5yo. Still has trouble with language. He would open and close doors and cupboards constantly. Would stack cans in the pantry..Was obsessed with Thomas tank trains... obsessed! And would line up his cars. Play was restricted and he’d get upset if the rules of the game were changed.
He crawled sat and walked a little later than norm? Would always pull at our bodies to take us to what he wanted and would say “ah ah” Later... he Would often make up words and repeat them over or spill out 10 words that didn’t relate to each other or anything. If asked a question he’d repeat the question back.
3 Months after our Daughter was born he started to scream every time she cried (prior to this she was a very happy baby and rarely cried or made noise) He would put his hands to his ears and shake and scream... He couldn’t stand playgroup when they started story time or group singing... would shake and scream.
He was obsessive about how things had to be done, what he ate, utensils used, where things were placed. He’d get upset if DD drank from a different coloured bottle. He’d get upset if I wore my hair up one day and down the next. Liked to watch certain segments of a DVD over and over...Insisted on having socks on before pants... would not wear new shoes. Hated having sticky hands or stamps and stickers put on his hands.. never wanted to wear hats or sun cream... would try to wipe or lick it off as soon as it was put on...Wanted to do things in a certain order before we could leave the house to go to the park. Got extremely upset when we travelled a different route home from an outing. When we went out for a walk we had to go back home the same way we came. Wouldn’t play with his little friends when they came over to to the house, or if we went to their house... rather he’d go and do his own thing. The list goes on and on!!

I should add that.... He also has an endless list of positives too

I didnt think there was anything wrong (for better word) until he was 2.5... When the OCD got worse. I thought it was all normal being my first child, and I had no clue about Autism... I just thought my little guy had emotional difficulties... and this is what lead me to seek help.

I guess there were signs around 12ms, until then hit the milestones as he should, always been an easy baby but problems feeding. At 12ms, when I use to take him to softplay he spent more time going to the prams and playing with the wheels, studying them intensely. He only really played with his stacking toys, cars, pull-out puzzles, stuffing objects and open/closing doors. However, does have apparent good eye contact and loves cuddles. Did not start walking 18m, talking till gone 2.5, now nearly 4 and talking still a bit behind and always uses similar sentences, is developing sound sensitivities, licking and similar play. Still prefers if you feed him and likes softer foods, never eaten any fresh uncooked food bar apples/bananas. But he is the best and love him to bits . Under assessment at the moment HFA/AS/PDD-NOS.

oh, should say initially he was under assessment for more classic ASD but recently HFA etc, oh and he loves lining up - everything.

My dd6 who has Asperger's has always been somewhat different.

Right after I had her, while still in the hospital, they took her to the nursery for a hearing test. About 20 minutes later they brought her back and said "bless you. she's a fiesty one". They were unable to do the testing-she screamed the whole time.

My dd had colic or acid reflux, they never found out which. It caused her to be fussy and cry a lot. She met all gross motor milestone such as crawling, sitting up and rolling over but never babbled, never spoke any words-only grunted, and never pointed or followed a point. She spoke her first word at 2 years and 2 months and was hyper verbal and speaking in complete sentences by 3. She did have shared joy, though and would play "peek a boo" and hand games and liked me to sing songs and read.

Even at a very young age-from 1 on, she would not go around the other children when we went to places like storytime at the library. All the other kids would gather after the stories and play with toys in the big box in the center of the room and she clung to me.

She never played with other kids on their terms, only if they came over to her house and played with her. She never bonded with anything (but me) such as dolls, blankets, pacifiers, etc. She chewed her hands and anything else constantly.

She was always very attached to me and had extreme separation anxiety all along-still does. She was attracted to lights and sounds and could manipulate the toys to play sounds or blink lights at a very early age. She loved to swing in the motorized swing. that was practically (besides carrying her) the only thing that soothed her.

She was very hard to wean from the breast, refused bottles, and had very little interest in other foods. she's never liked sweets or many textures and always had extreme aversion to anything heated.

She's always, always as long as I can remember, been anxious. That's what comes to mind-her anxious way of interacting with the world.

One more thing: she swayed her head from side to side like Stevie Wonder. Very rigidly, not fluidly. Like a robot.

I forgot to mention this, but our son also LOVED lining up things. And he loved trains. In fact, we used to have to drive across the railroad track on our way to his preschool class, and if I didn't go the EXACT route, he would just go bonkers and tantrum in the car. Thankfully, he has outgrown that now.

Two boys, S-PDD, W-NT

S was a a good baby for the most part. Dealt with Reflux and some Colic for a few weeks. He was ill very frequently. Mild temperment, made eye contact and similed. Hit his developmental milestones with in the normal ranges....on the long side. At about 2 we thougth he might be gifted, had an amazing memory. At 2 1/2 we were concerd as he never had a language explosion. By 3 we were suggested PDD by Developmental Ped. As a first time new mother I had never lived with a child and didn't know what NT development looked like. After haveing second child who is NT the difference is striking.

Met every milestone on time or early; was very curious and sensory seeking. Wanted to be held ALL the time and always has slept far far less than other chidlren.

We were consistently told he was, simply, going to be brilliant.