hello im new here and the term as is new to me

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really i dont know how to start except hello my name is luke.
more recently i wanted to find out what is wrong with me. i have always had problems with this place we call earth lol, its not that funny though. i will be 34 in october and really want to be normal. but i know this will never happen, even know i have found ways to cope it bothers me that i cant seem to find others like myself. in my search i have found the whole Aspegers thing. kinda blew my mind. everything seems to fit except clumsey, but then again skateboarding was one of those teenage fixations that kept me from doing anything productive. to this day i really must pull myself away from my fixations to stay in the "i fit in world". these days its cars, and not any car only honda! i have lost many a girlfriend do to that being a big% of my only conversation. this has gone on since around 93'. ive been told grow up already, doesnt that ever get old?
but to this day i can just sit and just read a stupid magazine that ive read over 100 times!
friends, i have a good group of friends if you will, i feel lucky, but i feel sad as well. when im say hanging out one on one, i can conversate fairly well most times, other times i will just rudely pick up a magazine or something and almost shut them out. when others join my nervous factor starts to raise, higher with each new arrival, lol to a point though if alot of people are around its good i dont have to talk but then again it starts to hit me, i wish i could be like them. im extremely shy. to say the truth after a while i have a panic type thing that happens and i will do almost anything to leave, most times just slip out unnoticed.
i can be an ass, i will hold my anger in almost indefinitely, what does come out is a strong vibe if you will, to the point people are afraid of me, even know im not violent at all.
sleep, whats that? lol as a kid i would be sent off to bed, chill there untill i knew everyone was sleeping, then get up and build plastic models or draw till the crack of dawn, kinda made school life a drag, lol no pun intended. to this day i will stay up late and work on my car or something knowing i must work in the morning.
love life, wow what a bummer, i to tell you honestly,i love love, i mean who wouldnt? but dating? hate it,hate it, hate it, hate it! i dont like to go out, im very uncomfortable with this always felt this way, i fidgit, non stop looking around to see who is staring at me, and haha the leg shake, lol not a shake i suppose more of a bounce, again less than steller way to meet somebody. as far as anyone is concerned i talk about me, i focus all subjects back to me, i dont mean to, just kinda happens, i feel like im fitting in, like ive been in a situation like them but they only see it as i am trying to one up them. huh took a long many years to figure out how to not do this, lol and i still slip up from time to time. i have had long term relationships, but ive also excepted the fact it my fault they have passed.
eye contact, wow, if im in a hart to hart with someone, a confrontation, or plain old talking, it rarely happens, when i was a child i would get in pretty deep ish just because i would not look them in the face.
does anyone else talk quiet? im told i mumble, i say back, i have a bad octive for a voice i tell you ive tried to moderate the way i talk, lately i really notice when im nervous i speak more quietly, almost dont want them to hear me subconsciously.

i dont know, i feel lost. i never cared to much untill lately, anyway thats a good amount of who just joined wp.
luke wrapped up in his own little world, and most people just think im selfish. im really not, id give the only shirt off my back to help others. i just want these feelings to stop, and i dont think medication is the answer!

Welcome to WP!

Hello, and welcome to the Wrong Planet, Luke.