I want to kill myself because I am an aspie

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I had no idea where my excessive naivety came from, but now I do. Just because I'm high-functioning doesn't mean I am almost NT. I see I am worthless, and even though I am only a sex toy because I am a woman (who is shy because she is socially awkward), I am a pathetic lower-life form, who won't amount to anything unless I adopt more more "NT" instincts. Either I do so or die. And you in your early 20's and beyond will find this ridiculous and laugh because you're already past this. If any of you remember how it felt like, you will also remember how hideously painful it feels.

I went through that. I'm over it now.

Life is full of opportunities. For EVERYONE. You just have to stop mourning for the life you can't have, and start living the life you can have.

I hope this is helpful and doesn't sound all cliched.

Being used for sex is not an AS female thing. It isn't even just a female thing. This is something that you can make an effort to change. If you tell people directly that you want a relationship and not just sexual attention from the very beginning then most people who are just looking for something casual will leave you alone.

You are in control of Your body.

^^^

gina's suggestion is good, only i did it after moving out, so i wasnt sure it would be a safe suggestion to give.

accept that you wont have all of the stuff you wanna have.
you're still allive.
you can see stuff.

you dont wanna die, cus death is end of ALL. NO more possibility for joy.
by being miserable, you at least have the option of joy, now, or 10 years ahead, and you have no clue how much joy is waiting. w death you know exactly how much: none.

dont be like that
your fun to have on the boards :]

Hello,

I am a 41 yr. old male who has had sex once in the last year. I WISH I was being used for sex (sorry, not trying to be flippant).

I too was so depressed for the last few weeks that I have been looking at all of my guns and fantasizing about ending it.

I can honestly say that NO sex is worst than "being used". At least you can get some intimacy. I believe I miss that more than the actual act itself, just the touch of another human being.

I can go WEEKS without even having a conversation with another human being. I am stuck up at the ranch waiting on surgery for injuries sustained working in Baghdad. Been waiting for 16 months now. I feel so alone that literally I was CONSTANTLY thinking about suicide.

In Baghdad I discovered AS and self diagnosed. Sent the info onto my father and he agreed instantly that he had this condition also. I also believe that both of his brothers were AS. I am high functioning, through many years of having to fit in, but I still have meltdowns and have a hard time keeping jobs because of AS tendencies. Hard to explain and too many small details to go into.

Always on my mind is the worry that I will never find someone to go through life with. I just cannot make that emotional connection. If I was able to have sex, I was always able to feel closer to that woman. I guess another AS trait, become emotionally attached too soon and too easily. So I have almost given up. Have not had a real girlfriend for a decade now since my fiancee died in my arms in 2001.

Life goes on, We all have our burdens to bear, but like I said, I WISH I had your problem.

Please do not hurt yourself, think happy thoughts: "At least I am getting laid while there are others out there who would give anything to have a sexual relationship with a cute woman."

Really I am not trying to flame, just feeling really bad, I lost my best friend last night, told him to F/O because he screwed me on tickets to Slayer/Marilyn Manson, he owes me several hundreds dollars. He got a girlfriend about 8 months ago and has not spent one single night hanging out with me since. Hard to lose your best friend.

Good luck to you.

crazedchef

Hello again,

I did not really get what you were saying on your first post, all I saw was "I want to kill myself." I did not realize you were so young.

I felt better about myself at your age because I was so oblivious. I did not notice enough to realize how much I did not fit in. It was only until my 20's 30's and beyond that I realized how different I truly was.

Do not believe all of the hype, just because you are on the spectrum you do not have to be so down on yourself. You are cute and young and attractive. Embrace it because it will disappear before you know it. Embrace your differences.

Sorry again if the above posts was so completely off topic, I should have started my own thread. Been having a rough time of it.

crazedchef

Hello again,

I did not really get what you were saying on your first post, all I saw was "I want to kill myself." I did not realize you were so young.

I felt better about myself at your age because I was so oblivious. I did not notice enough to realize how much I did not fit in. It was only until my 20's 30's and beyond that I realized how different I truly was.

Do not believe all of the hype, just because you are on the spectrum you do not have to be so down on yourself. You are cute and young and attractive. Embrace it because it will disappear before you know it. Embrace your differences.

Sorry again if the above posts was so completely off topic, I should have started my own thread. Been having a rough time of it.

crazedchef

fickle, on these forums, where only your personality and nothing else comes across, you strike me as

1. self ironic, which means
2. intelligent and funny

thats a good start.

you should start knowing yourself. everything about yourself. you only exist once, and quite frankly, the share of luck you HAVE been handed are:
sense of humor, high intelligence, and as you say yourself, good looks.

everything isnt bad :]

Yes, differences. Meltdowns that disturb the public, emotional misunderstandings (eg. taking things literally and not "getting" people) and arguments over it. I think I will embrace them. I'll watch some Spongebob Squarepants and Phineas and Ferb, buy a cookie, then get joy from my obsession with Alvin and the Chipmunks.