I want my sister to rot in hell

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She's a very mean person, brought excruciating pain to our parents and me and has such an impeccable outer personality that everyone sides with her and believes her lies about us, so among other disgraces she brought on us, we've been outcast from all family for years as well.

I want peace from the story, but her life is so wonderful, always richer and richer, with more and more wonderful family and friends and love around her, never anything of life's bad blows happens to her, around her it's all health and money and love. And my father and I are suffering so much, destitute and outcast, my mom died a few months ago from a horrible disease, and sister didn't let her see the grandchildren my mother had helped raise - just because. And everyone admires my sister so much and sees only good in her, I just can't help wishing bad things on her and I can't get peace. Being an Aspie, I can't understand such meanness, and it's the lack of understanding that prevents me from making peace with our situation.

((((cube)))) Thank you so much for your kind and wise words!! I usually am able to tell these things to myself and calm myself down, at least enough to go on, but last night, out of the blue, I checked Facebook for the first time in my life, and it was a tremendous shock to see her with all these hundreds of connections, our family members and relatives, all are her loving friends, while my dad and I are so sick and destitute and outcast and have nobody at all in the world to even say hello to. I never wished any harm on anyone, however much they hurt me, but seeing her prosper more and more, surrounded by all the good that life has to offer, is so unfair... I confess in moments of despair I've asked God to send her some calamity. So many people do right and suffer, and she's like a queen above all the suffering that can come on a human, as if she is too above others in wisdom for anything bad to ever happen to her as it happens to any human. My dad is 84 and we have to constantly fight the horrendous things she does to us, but it's so hard to fight when we're weak from ill health and destitution and aloneness and she's so immensely strong with health, riches and love pouring on her from every direction... We do go to the police, we do try to protect ourselves as much as we can from her meanness, but it's extremely hard on us. And when there's nothing I can do, nothing at all, to at least slow down her badmouthing and damage, all that's left for me to do is to pray to God that he send some calamity to her so she'll be weakened a bit and be less able to continue hurting us... Another problem is that I never heard a story as atrocious as what she does to us, so it's like I live in a world that's surreal...

Well, if I loved her the way I define love, dad and I wouldn't survive. As love for me is to treat them nicely and support them in their endeavors and help them in their goals, I wouldn't turn to the police, I'd support and help her in her goal to destroy us and so we'd be destroyed in no time...

It probably isn't so much that they all love her but maybe hiding some of the feelings you've expressed here so openly.

Not that I believe in hate but I can definitely identify. It annoys me to a great deal in how both my sisters leave me out of everything. I also have relatives my grandma's side never stops talking about. It's as if they were gods or something who only accomplished things due to the fact that they are more than financially well off. Meanwhile I've had to struggle with affording college while working jobs that're hardly enough to be on my own. My other sister has accomplished so much but gets no credit. In fact, all I hear is criticism on their part in why she's taking a day off. It's unbelievable....yet some of us have finally discussed how unfair it is.

Sadly there are some people who play favorites not due to love but due to their so-called "success" in life. Kind of like the game in social hierarchy.

I'm not sure what to say that would help calm these riffs between you and your sister. But I'm very sorry for the loss of your mother. I can't imagine and I've lost 3 people in the family this year which is very hard. Just remember that there are those who are willing to love and willing to help. I've been surprised by the people in my AA meetings since I was never a huge fan of it. I'm also learning not to take a person's kind gesture or the audacity to help me out for granted when there's no fees to pay.

I hope you can get through this. The best thing to do is take care of yourself and not focus so much on your sister's life or how lucky she has it. I've been shocked by people who looked like they had it great just to find out the opposite. Some people are so competitive that there's no room for joy or the feeling of being content.

Anyway, most of your posts here have been insightful as well as educating. I'd say you need to look at your positive attributes rather than your sister's or anyone else's. Not easy to see when one is unable to see themselves from the outside.

Ohhh, Greentea, you must be hurting bigtime

bubbybird and I just prayed a hedge of protection and provision around you and your father.

Hope you won't be offended for me to say it is surprising to find you the OP But, then, those who feel the positive so deeply also feel the negative the same degree, it is a balance.

We've seen similar people here. I don't know what it is that drives them to be that way other than something defective, by birth or by choice, in their spirits and souls.

Wish we could do something to relieve the heartbreak.
What we can do is listen to you and let you know that we care, and care a lot, how you and your Dad are.

May God protect you two, provide for you, and give you hope even in the shadows and rains.

Love ya kiddo
Hang on, hang on.
And what's that saying from the 1970s? Oh yeah, "Keep on keeping on!"
Forrest and Kathryn

It is a system of favorites and I can see this happening. It makes perfect sense to me, though it is typically irrational NTs acting up again.

The truth is very simple. I hate to say this, but obviously your parents didn't accept you for being yourself and were always comparing to your "normal" sister. She she was "mentally competent", whatever the heck that means she was the liaison between you, herself and the parents.

Of course, she got a sense of profound power from this and decided to say whatever she wanted to win points. She obviously has excellent persuasive skills to manipulate everything you say also.

It is a hypocrisy but you have to move on, it's a shame it's your sister.

Greentea,

Please do not hate your sister. Rather hate the system of which she is a product. I think you already know this.

It does look as if individual people, like your sister, are being mean and selfish for no reason, or for no good reason. Fact is, the system makes a sizeable percentage of people that way. The system, when it works, induces us to worship arrogance and narcissism, to emulate those at the top. That is, if we want the good things in life like--success, health, happiness, wealth, friends, social status. We are conditoned to want these things and to do whatever it takes to get them. Those who have become adept at surviving, generally do so within the system, as opposed to challenging the system.

The system works because it is fear based. Historically, people who have successfully challenged the system--enough to gain support from the masses--often met with unfortunate consequences. When those we admire are destroyed, either literally or through having their reputations ruined...it sets an example. When we observe how influencial reformers are severely punished or assassinated for challenging the system, it obviously has the effect of deterring said action. Those already suffering surely don't want to make life even harder. So people like your sister learn not to make waves. And once they get a taste for success, it is addictive. The more success they have, the more they want. Then greed sets in, and cruelty becomes a way of life in order to survive (in the manner to which they are accustomed). The system is intentionally geared to work that way. Those at the top use their power to keep tightening the screws....or so it seems.

With few exceptions, poisoning their character isn't something to which people consciously aspire. Also, once they have a family, it's not just about "I-me-mine" anymore....there is a powerful human instinct to protect one's family. That means ensuring family members will be successful, happy, healthy, have lots of money (or enough) and friends. It may also mean keeping them away from unsuccessful people who might influence them to be failures in life. One other thing is that people who are exceptionally skillful at covering their deceit....(i.e., their methods are brutal but they have an impeccable personality or facade)...are usually held in high esteem. They are emulating those at the top and are therefore encouraged to move up the social ladder.

Greentea,
I agree with the others who say that hating your sister is harming you. I have been through similar hating and I wish I knew what to suggest. I think one of the most useful things is to focus on the love you have for your father and caring for him, and the love you have for yourself, and love for the people on the board you have a lot in common with. I know it is hard. Perhaps what you could do is say to God "God, I cannot like my sister, I have tried and I cant. Please like her the way I cant" and turn your sister over to God's care. Dont think about her, think about your hobbies and passions and the ones you make you feel happy.

I got the idea for this from a christian novel my very religious grandmother gave me. She has actually been very helpful in helping me with spiritual crises, though she kind of disapproves on me at times, im very different from her, she is very traditional and im very liberal.

I pity your sister that she's already in middle age and doesn't know any better.

Don't worry, she will get what's coming to her one of these days. Try not to overestimate how happy and comfortable her life may seem. She might be totally b!tchy towards you and your dad because she's actually insecure with all the "friends" and "love" and "happiness" she thinks she has around her. I bet it won't take much for that house of cards around her to come crashing down! So I hope you don't feel envious of her, because I think you've got a lot more genuine love and good things just between you and your dad than she'll ever have with her harem of "friends".

If "Time heals all wounds", might it also be possible that "Time wounds all heels"?


Just in case someone isn't familiar with this use of "heel" http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/heel
'A contemptible, inconsiderate or thoughtless person.'

I think it's easier to turn hate into contempt or pity than to actively try to suppress it, at least as a first step. It doesn't make any sense to envy her "success" if you have no desire to be the kind of person she is. Forget society's standards, you can measure people by your own standards. It's all make-believe anyways. Success is a made up concept. It's a game. If you fall for it you're the fool. It doesn't matter how much money one has, in the end everyone will be worm food. You know the real person she is. All her "friends" don't really know her, they only know a shallow facade. That's pitiable.