Page 1 of 2 [ 21 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

Twyll
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 31 Mar 2009
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 51

31 Aug 2009, 11:43 pm

Why is it that I offend everone I come into contact with :( I don't even have to try ...people look at me and get offended :?
Sometime I wish I could ignore people forever but your not allowed, you have to show interest in other people or people get abusive or send you pictures of hampsters commiting vaccicide :?

I must have some strange body language I'm not aware off....Or I'm just a mean person and I'm not aware of that either :(

Bye



gina-ghettoprincess
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Nov 2008
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,669
Location: The Town That Time Forgot (UK)

01 Sep 2009, 12:03 am

It seems rather unfair that you are having such negative thoughts about yourself because other people are making mistakes (misreading your intentions). People say that those with AS misread other people's intentions, but TBH, NTs misread our intentions just as much as we misread theirs. But because people with AS are so rare, it's less likely that there will be other people there who understand your intentions, while NTs, being the majority, will most likely have a whole bunch of people around them who are (mis)reading your intentions the same way they are. So what we get is a perceived "you are being offensive to everyone else" effect, when that's really not what's happening at all. It's not really anyone's fault, it's just the sad truth.

If there was a group of people with AS and one NT, the AS people would misread the NT's intentions and the NT would probably end up looking like the "bad guy", so to speak. If there were a bunch of AS people and a bunch of NTs together, it would be more likely that nobody would get ganged up on because the person who said the thing that was misconstrued would have at least some people who understand, and could help explain to the other people that the person wasn't being offensive.

I'm probably not making much sense right now. What I'm trying to say here is basically that there is a communication problem between AS and NTs, and that nobody's really at fault here. This may or may not be helpful to your situation...what specifically has happened that has upset you?


_________________
'El reloj, no avanza
y yo quiero ir a verte,
La clase, no acaba
y es como un semestre"


Twyll
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 31 Mar 2009
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 51

01 Sep 2009, 12:33 am

I understand :)


Quote:
what specifically has happened that has upset you?


It's not anything specific, it more a chain of current and past events :(
People seem to shout at me when I'm outside
I know it's at me because they are usually close

And I haven't had a friend in 4 Years i think....
And I can't seem to make any becuase I do something weird or offend them without knowing why...



gina-ghettoprincess
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Nov 2008
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,669
Location: The Town That Time Forgot (UK)

01 Sep 2009, 12:37 am

Have people actually said that you've offended them by something you've said/done?


_________________
'El reloj, no avanza
y yo quiero ir a verte,
La clase, no acaba
y es como un semestre"


Twyll
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 31 Mar 2009
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 51

01 Sep 2009, 1:07 am

They don't tell me that I've offended them, but they act hostile towards me or ignore me :/



gina-ghettoprincess
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Nov 2008
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,669
Location: The Town That Time Forgot (UK)

01 Sep 2009, 1:14 am

Ah yes. People do that to me quite a lot, and they never just tell me what I've done wrong. And occasionally when I ask, I get the, "You KNOW what you've done!" and I'm like, "Do I now? That's news to me!" :roll:

People can be confusing sometimes.


_________________
'El reloj, no avanza
y yo quiero ir a verte,
La clase, no acaba
y es como un semestre"


Twyll
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 31 Mar 2009
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 51

01 Sep 2009, 1:25 am

That sounds familiar....

I'm starting to think it's dellusional paranoia tho because If I'm with a family member they insist that the people was either kind or they wern't mean at all :/



gina-ghettoprincess
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Nov 2008
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,669
Location: The Town That Time Forgot (UK)

01 Sep 2009, 1:32 am

That doesn't sound delusional, it's probably another case of intentions being misread somewhere along the line. Maybe the people were being pleasant towards the family member, but hostile towards you, so the family member didn't notice that you were receiving different treatment. Or maybe you only thought that you had offended someone, and actually hadn't. Maybe you and the family member have different ideas of what someone's behaviour meant. There are a whole load of possibilities.


_________________
'El reloj, no avanza
y yo quiero ir a verte,
La clase, no acaba
y es como un semestre"


Twyll
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 31 Mar 2009
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 51

01 Sep 2009, 1:43 am

Even so, I was stood on the pavments at a traffic light about 3 days ago and someone shouted something at me from a car :( It happends all the time....
Im not sure what it is?



gina-ghettoprincess
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Nov 2008
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,669
Location: The Town That Time Forgot (UK)

01 Sep 2009, 1:49 am

What did they shout?

I think some people just have nothing better to do than randomly insulting strangers like that, it probably wasn't personal.


_________________
'El reloj, no avanza
y yo quiero ir a verte,
La clase, no acaba
y es como un semestre"


Twyll
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 31 Mar 2009
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 51

01 Sep 2009, 1:51 am

Dont know, It's mainly random offensive terms that have no substantial meaning :/ It just gets me quite upset like I've done something wrong



gina-ghettoprincess
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Nov 2008
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,669
Location: The Town That Time Forgot (UK)

01 Sep 2009, 1:57 am

It's not YOU who did something wrong. It's the person who thought it would make them sound big and clever to shout insults at someone for no reason. You don't need to be worrying about what people like that think of you, anyway.


_________________
'El reloj, no avanza
y yo quiero ir a verte,
La clase, no acaba
y es como un semestre"


Interlude
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 28 Aug 2009
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 73
Location: Denmark

01 Sep 2009, 3:39 am

Even if the author decided he could not cope with life anymore despite his own advices, I usually trust some pieces of advice from Marc Segar's "A Survival Guide for People with Asperger Syndrome".
Here is one I wrote down on a piece of paper that I keep in my wallet, because like you, I seem to do wrong things all the time. :
A horrible feeling having to deal with is guilt. If you think you are to blame for something you must ask yourself if you know that you were doing something wrong. If you didn't know, or you only had a vague feeling about it then you cannot blame yourself, even if other people are. All you can do is to tell yourself that you will try not to do it again.

What I did once was to ask one person about what the problem was with me when they reacted badly. I had nothing to lose, as I obviously had already offended them. And he honestly told me that looking away when they were talking to me was rude. I had my explanation, and could try to change my behaviour. ;) But most people just won't answer, claiming that your fault is obvious...


_________________
"I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown." - Woody Allen.


Carlofirst
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 11 Sep 2009
Age: 54
Gender: Male
Posts: 77

28 Sep 2009, 2:37 am

Can i ask: don't you have a liberal, conformist, narrowminded worldview? Because in the contemporary western world having these views is the best way to avoid problems, i think.



Shebakoby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Sep 2009
Age: 52
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,759

28 Sep 2009, 2:41 am

gina-ghettoprincess wrote:
Ah yes. People do that to me quite a lot, and they never just tell me what I've done wrong. And occasionally when I ask, I get the, "You KNOW what you've done!" and I'm like, "Do I now? That's news to me!" :roll:

People can be confusing sometimes.


Lemme guess...was it women telling you that you KNOW what you've done?



Claradoon
Supporting Member
Supporting Member

User avatar

Joined: 23 Aug 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,964
Location: Canada

28 Sep 2009, 2:48 am

For the last few years, I've been in a sort of sad situation where, when things go wrong, I have to remember that people don't like me and I can't change that. At least I'm calmer now.