I feel like crying

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Olivia is the ONLY ONE at toddler time at the library who won't sit with their big person and listen to stories and sing songs - even songs she knows like the ABCs!! ! She knows them but chooses to be distracted by the duplo blocks and the books on the shelves than sit with daddy and participate!

I damn near broke down and cried in the library. I left in a huff and said, "I'll bring he back when she's three"

she's just over two now.

what's wrong with being the only one? would you cry for einstein, tesla, mozart?

I know its frustrating for you, as a parent, because all of us look forward to sharing these sorts of events with our children. But, you know ... its OK for her to want to do something else. Little ones don't get interested in singing just because its song time. They get interested, well, when they feel like it. She's got a great independent soul. There is plenty of time for learning to perform on schedule when she gets older.

So you learn to go with the flow and enjoy what she is in the mood for at the moment. It takes some letting go, of course, and that may be challenging for you, but give it a try. Our little ones will push us to learn all sorts of new skills we hadn't planned on.

The odds are you were the same at that age.

We all talk a good game about "normal is boring" and so on but it's a lot easier to accept that about yourself than about your child. In fact, it's probably easier to accept it about literally anybody else but your child. You want her to be a proud individual, to go her own way, to make her own mark in the world. But at the same time you are tense with worry about what will happen years from now when a different circle of kids is old enough to realize that she is at the margins doing her own thing and they are not necessarily ok with that. There are probably childhood experiences of your own that you fear will happen to her too.

I've had those feelings too and I'm all about neurodiversity. My daughter was also the outlier at library story time and as an older girl I have to trample the urge to run over and micromanage her bungled conversations with the other kids. There is no other way through this but straight through it. You can't get around it or avoid it. You just have to feel it and deal with those feelings.


On the other hand, she may just not have been in the mood at that time and some other time she will be right in there participating with gusto. You just don't know.

well, mozart had to perform and tesla built mills so i guess they didn't.

you got to be kidding me, 2 yo taking other kids stuff and being rebelious? no waay...

my almost 5yo son just started to listen to stories, he would throw a tantrum before, well occasionally. anyway my take home message is if it is not really bad (like killing a pet animal, or slamming parents) do not stress out. otherwise you'll lose all your nerves before middle school.

I don't know if this is a big problem. A big problem is when your kid doesn't talk until he is 4 years old. Didn't talk with extremely restricted interests. Couldn't even go to the library because once he started talking he was as loud as a megaphone. And those references to Einstein, Spielberg, Gates - well they don't work with a kid who is math disabled and who doesn't understand logic. Even now, my stepson will attach to his teacher and want to be buddies with the teacher, ignoring the other kids in class, and he is 13. He never had any early intervention and his entrance into 7th grade last week has been a landmine.

I used to teach preschool and there is lots of variation in developmental differences between children of this age. Some can't/won't sit for storytime initially and it just comes later. I think they are used to it at libraries, I remember a sign saying if your child can't sit, they can't stay. I would just give it time is what I am saying.

My son (who has AS) was the same exact way. I took him to story time from the time he was 1 to age 3. I spent nearly the whole time constantly bringing him back to the group. He was not really disruptive (the librarian liked him a lot and was very tolerant of inquisitive minds), just more interested in the door hinges and stuff on the walls. I don't think he ever made it through a whole story. At 3, I officially decided that the insanity needed to stop and we signed him up for something else. He just didn't really enjoy storytime and it took me a long time to realize that (even though it was painfully obvious to everyone else). He enjoys stories at home, but not anywhere else.

Looking back, it was really quite rediculous. I thought it would be good for him so I kept on going. Not all kids like storytime and that's perfectly fine. I wouldn't like anyone telling me what I should like either. It's really no big deal at all. My younger child loves storytime and sits contently for long periods. To each his own. Certainly no reason to be breaking down, she is only 2. You might feel better if you try to keep your expectations more reasonable.

Everyone has some good points, but the fact is that it's normal to feel sad and upset when something doesn't go as you'd imagined it would. They're called "expectations" and they are normal. It's also normal to have some feelings about it---feelings aren't right or wrong. They just are.

Also, it is not helpful to belittle the problems. Yes, it can always be worse. But pain is relative. The greater suffering of another doesn't minimize your own pain.

I remember well the "wanting to cry" feeling from when my little guy was that same age. My son was was about that age I started to realize that it hadn't been my imagination, as everyone had been trying to convince me. There really was something different about him and even though I love him immensely, the truth is that some of those differences are going to make life more challenging for him and his family. Now my son is 6 and although I would change the frustration and anxiety his challenges cause him at times, I wouldn't change his brain because he just wouldn't be him. He's really going to be OK, as long as we help him remember that everyone has talents and challenges...and give him skills to navigate the terrain of his OWN talents and challenges.

I'm sorry that it feels like this right now. It IS hard at those moments. As your little one grows and progresses and you see more and more glimpses of how it really is going to be okay in so many ways, those moments won't feel quite as hard. Some of those behaviors DO have more to do with maturity than diagnosis. But it is hard to sort what to "blame on" the diagnosis and what might be personality, age, etc. Much of that will be done in retrospect.

Best wishes,
Chrsitine

Olivia's not intentionally trying to ignore or neglect your attention. At her age, focus comes and goes, mostly beyond her own conscious control. You're going to have many, many wonderful moments still to come. The best are the ones that just happen. Savor them all and take lots of pictures. They only stay young for a little while.

This is all pretty normal for parents of aspies.

You can either get upset by your child's uniqueness or you can roll with it.

I have feelings like that too, I think all parents do. This summer I caught myself feeling blue at my 6-year-old's "show and tell" day at science camp, when I saw a room with a bunch of kids mostly sitting still and paying attention, and one kid (mine) rolling around on the floor, making random noises. Then I thought to myself, "I have a great kid with a bright mind, a loving heart, and some amazing talents, and I'm feeling bad because he has trouble sitting still and being quiet? What do I want, a human being or a pet rock?" I know his challenges will make his life difficult sometimes, but I have every hope that his strengths will carry him through.

Two is a tough age. That's a little young to expect her full attention.

However, with that being said... I so remember those days. I used to take my kids to the local playgroup that was for kids 3, and younger. I didn't know that my kids were autistic at the time. They did all the things that your daughter is doing. All the other kids wanted to do the centers with their parents, and listen to story time. My middle son would shriek, and run if I tried to participate with him at any of the play centers. He mostly would sit in the corner, and line up blocks. If another child attempted to play with him he'd meltdown, oftentimes hitting the other child if they didn't back off quickly enough. My younger son just wanted to dump everything in the room, and kept trying to run out the door. The looks that I got from the other parents are still burned into my mind. We often left early, with my daughter exclaiming that she hated her brother, because he's so embarrassing. We did library time, once. Never did I attempt that again. I cried after almost every playgroup. I felt that I failed at parenting. My kids didn't want to play with me, or behave in a socially appropriate manner to the other kids.

You have an opportunity that I didn't. You know that your daughter may be on the spectrum. You can tailor activities to meet her needs. Most importantly, you shouldn't blame yourself. I wasted a lot of time blaming myself over something that wasn't my fault, and that they couldn't help. That time could've been used in a way, way more positive, constructive way.

Alot of two years would find it hard to sit still for story time. I know how hard it is when you see the other kids doing something your little one can't do yet hang in there. We've all felt this way some times. I love my Jake more then anything and try my best to except him for the wonderful person he is but I can't help but feel sad when I see other 9 yr old boys doing what I know he'll never beable to do. I think it hurts most to see that he really wants to do some of these things. Your little girl will get there in her own time with your help and beable to do storytime when she's ready. Just keep trying and remeber you are not alone. Much love to you and yours.

Reading all the responses it made me realize how quickly one can forget ... I did cry a lot of tears in the toddler years. For all the things other parents seemed to be able to do with their kids that I couldn't. I didn't know my son was AS, everyone just thought he was amazing and brilliant, but he was always different and difficult. Well, every child is different, aren't they? So my memory had me post about how 2 year olds are, and it can be a fun time, but it is also a really stressful time. Sometimes you've just got to cry; its OK to do that. And then you move on.