Surprised by communication?

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I'm usually pretty quiet - I don't talk much except when I'm at home, and even then I find that I talk the most if my sister's around. The rest of the time I don't say a lot. I've noticed something interesting though. A lot of the time (probably more than half the time) I really have no desire to communicate. I'm interacting physically with my surroundings and the people around me, but the idea of saying something out loud doesn't even cross my mind. I have to remind myself to talk, and then when I do talk, it actually subconsciously surprises me when two-way communication happens - the people around me are listening and even responding. This all sounds kinda silly when I sit back and think about it but I'm guessing it's probably a pretty normal autistic thing. Anyone else experience this?

Sure, happens all the time. I really only talk around my siblings too. Everywhere else I barely say a word.

Is it the same underlying wiring though where you forget to talk, and when you do get yourself to do it, you're surprised when people reply?

I forget to talk all the time, but I'm not surprised when people answer me if I do talk to them. I usually get surprised when people start talking to me. I take a very long time to reply to questions because I get surprised. At lunch last Monday a girl in my physics class came over to me and asked me what time our lesson started, I had just looked at my timetable to check but I had no idea what to say to her, I just sat and stared. Having people talking to me just seems to stop my thinking.

My favorite conversations are with myself.

Often when I speak, people will ask what did you say, and I'll go "Nothing". They're used to me being quiet now, so they don't expect me to speak so what I do say doesn't register anyway. I'm not surprised when they answer, no. I generally only ask questions, so it's usual to expect a response.

I tend to be started if someone talks to me and I'm no expecting it... I'm usually so self absorbed in my own little world that if someone says hello or asks me a question I have to ask them to repeat it. Even though I almost always know what they said, I just need to buy myself some time to overcome that initial shock and process their question, then articulate an answer. Its funny how it takes so much work for me to take a thought and spit it out, everyone else does it so naturally, I swear some people dont even have an inner monologue (rather, an external one).

That sounds believable. I think it's just people like us.

Good post and topic! Nice to read Asperger's related topics.

I certainly relate to this scenario. As communication is a defining point of AS this is probably something many share. I seem to have a pretty steady monologue going internally. Thus, I often have to ask myself if I said it aloud. In social situations I have to constantly remind myself to censor myself in relation to the situation. Even in a movie or group environment (listening to a presentation) I am careful to be vigilant with my personal commentary.

One thing that always puzzled me but has I have learned to adapt to (somewhat) is the expectation that others seem to have that a response is required. For example, if someone is telling me something why do I need to affirm every couple of sentences for them to continue? I'm thinking that as long as I am sitting (or standing) here I am probably listening; I do not need to say "yes" or "no". If I am so inclined I will do something and the answer was "yes". If not so inclined I would assume that the answer is "no". Also, while I am certainly not incredibly intelligent, I can usually follow one's conversation from another who is not so incredibly intelligent. An example is when people end a paragraph with: You know what I mean? If I didn't know what they meant I would have already stopped them and said, "I'm sorry, what do you mean by that?" I never know what to say to that. 8>

That happens to me often. I can listen to a conversation for hours without saying a word, especially if i don't know the people very well.

When I was young (birth to around I never had a desire to speak. I almost couldn't express myself at all. I don't know why. It wasn't because of fear. I just seemed to lack the ability and when I did try it was so difficult and bothersome. I didn't like the broken silence. The only real verbalizing I did was sing. When I sang, the song would give voice to my thoughts and feelings. Of course, I usually only sang in private or at home. Everyone always commented on how "good" and "quiet" I was.
Today, I'm totally verbal. At least, compared to what I used to be.

TuDoDude wrote-
One thing that always puzzled me but has I have learned to adapt to (somewhat) is the expectation that others seem to have that a response is required.


This really bugs me. Many times the thoughts expressed do not elicit a response at all.