On why people don't discuss their quirks on normal forums

Post Reply New Topic

One of Pat2rome’s comments posted in my another thread made me ponder this issue. WP abounds in unusual topics of all sorts (like those about various quirks of the posters), while threads on regular message boards I pay visits to don’t seem to address such issues at all, even in their “random discussions” sections – obviously the boards don’t have anything to do with autism but one could expect that from time to time some “weird” thread would appear in there. Why do you think it is so? Maybe the reason is that neurotypical people don’t have any experiences and inclinations out of the norm often enough to ever write about this on the net? Or perhaps, even if they do have their small quirks, they don’t realize this on a conscious level – that’s how it was with me: until I discovered the world of developmental disorders I had no idea that so many of my behaviors could be perceived in the categories of a symptom of something, I didn’t even realize them. Or maybe the fact that I never come across threads of said sort has its source in that it’s considered shameful to mention such things in public (online or IRL), what do you think? You could think the offtopic sections of regular message boards would contain such a topic from time to time but they don’t. People in there discuss a wide variety of problems, from whether they have siblings to their religious beliefs but a topic on quirks and small abnormalities of behavior is typically avoided from what I see.

Well.. I'm imagining posting such a thing on another forum and I believe the response I would get would be.. that people think I'm posting weird stuff to try to get attention or something.

Most people don't just post things for the sake of sharing a piece of information. They have some kind of social motive. Therefore quirks are not shared because theres no reason to. Nothing to 'do' with that information. Except try to get attention.

*srug* Just a thought. I suck at understanding NT motives.

Most people don't notice or accept their quirks. If they notice them they are often afraid to admit they exist, even to themselves. If they admit and accept them they still feel they should keep them to themselves, that they are irrelevant and no one will want to know. I think that NTs have a generally dismissive attitude towards their feelings. They see them in simplistic terms and see people who don't as dramatic or attention seeking or "just trying to be contrary".

Obviously I'm generalising.

It's because quirks are relevant to the subject matter of this forum. Autism, at its best, is attributed to quirky behavior. If someone posts a thread such as, "Do you do this?" he is either looking to see if there other folks who share in his quirkiness (so that they can feel less, well, quirky) or possibly want to know if such a quirk is associated with AS / autism. He/she may not come out and say that, but most of the time it's being thought.

I think that here that we are more forgiving of each other's quirks.

The quirks are almost to be expected.

I imagine that NTs would be quite shocked by the idea of someone having a special interest which is something which is very different to the things which they like. For instance if a person in the normal community had a deep interest in something such as

Lino
X-ray gear
Floor tiles
House wiring
Lizards
Snakes
Wall paper patterns

Then they are viewed as odd, while here it is the case of "those who live in glass houses should not throw stones". We all have special interests here.

I divulge my quirks quite freely, just to try and get people to realize that I will be doing similar things on a regular basis and to see if they can handle my weirdness. But this is IRL, as I don't frequent any other forums.

Not sure how on-topic that was.

I haven't really found this to be the case on many forums I've posted on. It may depend on what sort of people post there and what kind of forum it is. Here people are more forthright about what makes them different than most other places because this is an autism/AS forum, and a lot of people post about their issues wondering if anyone can relate to them since they happen to (supposedly) have the same condition.

It seems like NTs aren't that interested in quirks. They are more interested in finding common ground and socializing in a give and take, friendly way. If they start talking about how they differ from the norm, it may mean someone might take issue with it. Someone might exclaim, "YOU DO WHAT!?!", and then make a wise crack and giggle nervously, but, when said quirky person isn't around, someone says, "She seems kind of crazy. Did you hear what she said she does?".
One time, I took some clothes of mine that were wet, because they just came out of the washer, and put them on clothes hangers and, then, looped the hangers over branches belonging to a backyard tree. It was a great way to dry the clothes without a clothesline, but the next door neighbor could see them from her backyard and thought I was insane. She couldn't figure out why on earth I would turn my tree into a clothes closet. She had no idea the clothes were wet.
But, that's just an NTism and it's why they don't like to think outside the box and don't like to discuss their "quirks". Since they are so busy calling other people "weird", they don't want to give other NTs an excuse to call them that. They are very aware of what makes other NTs tick and they don't want what they do to others who are "quirky" to happen to them. They don't want other NTs to call them "crazy" and "weird".

[quote="ooOoOoOABut, that's just an NTism and it's why they don't like to think outside the box and don't like to discuss their "quirks". Since they are so busy calling other people "weird", they don't want to give other NTs an excuse to call them that. They are very aware of what makes other NTs tick and they don't want what they do to others who are "quirky" to happen to them. They don't want other NTs to call them "crazy" and "weird".[/quote]

that can happen on here too. Has happened to me in the adult isues forum.

It can happen here too, but, the thing is, you don't really know who is who on WP. There are a handful of people I am pretty sure have ASDs and the rest are just question marks. How do you know for sure who is saying you are weird? It could be an NT. I am not saying that someone with an ASD is incapable of calling someone weird and the ones calling others weird on WP are all NTs. I am just saying, since there are unknown elements, they could be either those on the spectrum or not. IRL, there are less unknowns, although they do exist...
In my life, it has been the NTs, time and time again, who've call me that. Sometimes without provocation. It's a once over stare and a "she's __________". You can fill in the blank with one of several derogatory adjectives.

I have been called weird in person by someone definitely on the spectrum, as well, though I do freely admit in RL that we're all a little weird. Also, I've had many jobs that it could easily be said you have to be crazy to do, just gotta find someone who is the right kind of crazy. :p

I don't mention AS, but I mention my interests/obsessions.

Each forum has a topic. Why would they discuss psych disorders on a Jeep forum or a cycling forum or a knitting forum? There would be no one there to answer in any meaningful way.

This forum's sole purpose is to discuss our quirks.

I was thinking about their counterparts of our „random discussions” not the sections devoted to the main topic, I thought that’s obvious. I can recall I saw "our quirks" threads several times in there but if I wanted to count them all using my fingers, I’d use only one my hand (and even then probably I wouldn’t have used all my fingers of it).

Among rare interests of neurotypical people, these seem to belong to the most common from what I can see.

Although on a cognitive level I was obviously fully aware of this truth, believe me or not but it wasn’t until I read this statement of yours when I finally got it, when I finally UNDERSTOOD it, in my head giving this old truth the status of some objectively existing reality not just some platitude I repeated not comprehending it fully (however it may sound).

It happens to me that I understand something logically but when someone else explains it to me (or if I read them explain this to others for example on a message board) this thought, let me call it so, finally reaches my brain even in cases when it’s something that seems really very obvious (recently I catch myself thinking that maybe my conviction that I could make a mental link with a stream of neurotypical collective unconsciousness http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt59183.html with such ease was partially an illusion – at least to some extent, partially - that I thought myself to be more neurotypical than I really am).