Rant II: It's not just a joke to me
Sometimes I wonder if maybe I'm really just insane.
Other times I really wonder if I'm really on the wrong planet.
Case in point, you all have likely seen these charity events where someone gets pied/slimed or humiliated in public. Laughs for all. The victim is expected to take the current humiliation and the obligatory photos/wideo of their embarrassment like a 'good sport'. Other times, it's not for charity at all but to just play a prank.
I see these and I can find no humor when I see a forced smile by the victim. I really, really can't.
A society that needs to degrade someone to have a reason to do good, or just gets laughs from humiliating an innocent is not really a society I want to associate myself with.
Example- in my old church back in the day, the youth ministers, a man and an woman, unrelated, held an offering contest between the boys and the girls. The losing minister, the woman, got a pie in the face.
Looking back on it, I have to wonder...
What the f&%$ was wrong with us?
The Aztec pyramids may be gone, and human sacrifice the stuff of bad sci-fi, but to me it looks like we've just gone a new way of committing atrocity against people- "Let us humiliate you, so people can have a laugh at your expense. Suck it up and laugh as we laugh at you." We sacrifice people's dignity, not even for the illusion of appeasing a deity, but for a laugh.
In the case of charity, that says something pretty awful about us, to me. We can't do something good without doing evil. Now, evil may sound like a pretty harsh word, but humiliating someone in public isn't exactly a wholesome act.
Now, pieing, or really, any sort of humiliating/hazing/whathaveyou someone is usually hardly the epitome of evil, but it seems to be the start of a steep slope. The victim is told to be a good sport, which seems to mean just to take it. Their body and their dignity are not their own, but the public for a spectacle. In return, the victim gets humiliated and the label of a good sport, which to some people seems to mean 'degrade me! I won't retaliate!'. The victim can wind up believing he/she has no inherent right to dignity, no right to refuse humiliation out of fear of being labeled a poor sport.
Am I alone in this perspective? Am I really just flipping crazy?
I am not advocating a return to strict puritan life- far from it. But I do want people to remember- there's a fine line between being a poor sport and not wanting to be humiliated just to cater to the whim of a crowd.
It's not just the publicized humiliations, it's the little things.
I'm guessing no one here doesn't know that students can be absolute monsters to each other in high school, or outside it. As we approach the boundary between teen years and adulthood, it seems our potential for cruelty exponentially increases.
It's the tossing the resident punching bag of a student in a trash can or tripping him/her in the hall and laughing.
It's the schadenfreude clapping when a harried waiter drops plates and they smash.
It's the 'For God's sake what the hell is wrong with you' sports parents who taunt members of the opposing team when they screw up.
It's the hazings and the bullying and the general assumption that as long as we don't immediately kill or maim someone, all manner of cruelty and sadism are acceptable and it is the victim's fault if they feel wronged.
"How dare you call us wrong for hurting you. How dare you taint our schadenfreude with the idea what we're doing may be wrong." and the attacks get stepped up a notch, and those in authority blame the victim- "If you hadn't taken it personally, they wouldn't be doing this."
News flash to these idiots- being tripped, punched, humiliated, extorted, etc. is pretty personal.
Some people in my life suggested I act like my tormentors- normal.
Normal apparently equals jerkass, and everytime I tried it, yes, they laughed and slapped me on the back, but I realized something horrible was happening.
I was becoming one of them
And I don't want the company of people who find hurting innocents hilarious.
So maybe I am just crazy. Maybe this goes beyond aspergers and there's some sort of 'Paladin Complex', an over-empathetic disorder that makes me see nothing funny in a innocent person's shaming.
But I look at what some of the normals do and really? Crazy is looking like a better alternative each and every day.
The severity of this paladin complex was so much that shows like Nickelodeon where kids got pied as punishment for losing were painful for me while everyone else thought it was funny. I wondered, many times, if I was insane.
Back then, if an angel/alien/whathaveyou had showed up, said there'd been a terrible mistake; I was supposed to be born somewhere ELSE, then it would have made perfect sense to me.
I would hear classmates talk about their hazing experiences, and ask them, 'why the hell didn't you fight back?' And then everyone would roll their eyes, because CrazyRob is crazy like that. Pay no attention to the lunatic until he starts waving a gun around.
I've come to the conclusion not needing to rip an innocent person apart just to get some laughs is not a bad thing. I consider it an advantage that I can go without schadenfreude almost indefinitely- the only people I enjoy seeing get theirs are genuine jerks and dangers to society, which probably made me seem all the more crazy to my peers- livid and outraged over a youtube video of a cruel prank but roaring with laughter over a video of a pedophile getting beaten to a pulp.
I suppose I just don't see the need to be a d%$# to other people just to feel good about myself.
Aidans_Mum
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: 25 Sep 2009
Age: 61
Gender: Female
Posts: 28
Location: Ontario, Canada
I couldn't agree with you more, CrazyRob.
One of the ones that always made me do a "WTF?" is at weddings. The bride and groom apparently are supposed to feed each other cake (I wouldn't know; hubby and I eloped to avoid the whole standing in front of a crowd scene) and yet I've seen on America's Funniest Videos (and have seen in person) where either the bride or groom 'surprises' their love by smashing a hunk of cake in their face or hair.
I find this appalling! I always thought I was the only one who thought this. What the hell is so funny about humiliating them in public, while dressed in a $3,000 outfit, that's now ruined?
Having been a server years ago, I also never understood why people clapped when the server dropped the dishes. Apart from being rude, in our case, that meant we now had to have all that food and dishes cost taken out of our measly pay. Yeah, that's funny.
I should add one caveat- if it is genuinely a mutual fun thing, then far be it for me- or anyone else- to throw stones.
Case in point- a church I went to had photos of a pie/shaving cream/something fight among the members of the youth. This isn't focused humiliation- it's just having fun. I am not out to take the joy from innocent people's lives and grind it to dust.
Also, if the 'victim' is really into that sort of thing, then I think that settles it- it is the victim's right to say yay or nay.
Mine is not a campaign against every speck of light and joy- I only mean to condemn pressuring unwilling victims to be humiliated for the spectacle, or for 'charity'. In the first case, that's pretty damning evidence against humanity as a whole as to what we're willing to do for laughs. In the second, whatever act of charity is meant to be done is tainted by the evil done to the victim- I am a firm believer that nothing good can come of trying to use evil means for good ends.
elderwanda
Veteran
Joined: 17 Nov 2008
Age: 57
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,534
Location: San Francisco Bay Area
When I was in the Air Force, back in medieval times, our OIC (officer in charge) got promoted to Captain. That's a big step for a young officer, and cause for celebration. There was a mandatory piss-up for him. I was happy to go. This guy had actually been my boyfriend for a year before that, but no one knew about that, because that's totally against the rules. We had broken up, but not with any hard feelings or anything, and I didn't wish him any ill will.
He was a little guy, about 5'5" and 130 pounds. So, in honor of his promotion, some of the old-timer NCOs picked him up and stuffed him in a garbage can that was filled up with water and a big hunk of stinky cheese. They pushed his head under the water, put the lid on the can, and held it down for a LONG time. I don't know if he was able to position himself in order to breathe, but they left the lid on much longer than I would have been able to hold my breath. I know he was in better physical condition that I was, because he used to get annoyed at me when we went hiking together and I couldn't keep up, so maybe it was no problem. I don't know. Finally, they took the lid off, and lifted him out, dripping wet. He was smiling, and really being a good sport about it.
I didn't like it, though. I thought it was cruel, and not funny at all. In my opinion, it ruined the party. If someone had done that to me, I would have been frightened, not to mention horribly uncomfortable. This was the kind of stuff they did, though. And he got it worse than anyone, because of his position. The between-the-lines message, I believe, was, "We like you, and we're glad that you were promoted. We recognize that you are technically in charge, but don't forget that many of us have been here since you were a little boy with skinned knees, and don't you get too big for your britches." I can see that now. Still, it made me very uncomfortable.
Wanda: That's not just cruel, that's dangerous. Did it occur to anyone that if he had drowned or gotten injured, heads would roll? I know what passes for a prank in military areas is probably more severe than what civilians consider, but that just screams "hazing death waiting to happen" to me.