Can people with AS identify with me?

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Hi, I'm new to the forum and forums in general. If my posting etiquette is horrendous, I apologize. So, I've been meaning to join this forum for months now, just didn't know how to start this self-diagnosis/validation off. I know there are a lot of postings like this and people are tired of seeing them, but I really hope for some insight to who I am if possible. Well, here we go..

I was diagnosed last year with hyper-focused ADHD (according to Dr. Amen) after I looked up the the definition of dyslexia for fun while writing a term paper. My life has been dramatically different and more amazing. I feel that the last 20 years of life have been hell, and I didn't know how to explain it. I wasn't unhappy. I just didn't experience what was known as happiness. I grew up in a big judgemental family full of manipulation, rumors, and implicit negativity. I've been different since I was in diapers. Everyone in my family has told me stories till this day of how weird I was growing up. I'll organize this by time period. I hope this isn't boring any of you.

Baby:
- I never cried when I got hurt
- I was really bad at responding to my name. I would look all around the room
- I could play with tools for hours upon hours
- When I was 2 years old I was able to grab a pair of wire cutters, grab the handles, press the right axis of forces, and cut through a thick vaccuum cleaner while it was being used. I was saved by the rubber handles of the pliars.
- I would get exhausted crawling with my head. I would have to lay it down a lot while crawling.

Child:
- I spoke really fast and slurred my words a lot. I still do that till this day.
- Home Videos I've shown to friends, they say I spoke like I was an adult to my mom.
- I was nick named Macgyver because I liked to invent things and play with tools by myself
- I was really emotional and got my feelings hurts constantly
- I would emotional break down at school: leaving campus because i got into a fight, crying while fighting someone, holding myself hostage on top of playground equipment while crying/yelling at teachers.
- I had a lot of problems learning how to write and tell time
- I hold pencils with a fist grip. My wrist hurts a lot when I write. I can't copy notes well. I write really slowly also.
- I didn't hang out with other boys because I didn't know how to interact. I hung out with nothing but girls.
- I got into a lot of trouble because I didn't know things were wrong. I carved a hole in my bedroom because I wanted another door way. I used to try to make jokes as a kid but they were really offensive. I didn't know until I was scolded for the harsh comment
- I was cruel to animals
- I was sexual at a young age

Teenager to Now:
-I have a ridiculous memory. I can see the face of an insignificant actor in a unpopular TV show or movie once and identify them instantly when watching another movie or show with them in it.
- I can remember exact experiences. What people say or like.
- I have ridiculous amounts of knowledge about music, computers, cars, pop culture, etc.
- I obsess over jargon/facts of every new hobby I start
- I get really upset when I'm right, but people are patronizing/ignoring me.
- I hate crowded areas because people are in my way.
- I cannot stand being told I can't do something without logic or reason.
- I am an extremist
- I have a lot of morbid dreams. Visual blood, wounds, and bad events happening. A lot of inappropriate sex dreams. Sometimes I wake out of breath and scared for my life because of how horrifying my dreams are.
- I have a temper
- I cannot wait turns while talking or telling jokes. I just wait to go back to the subject that I was talking about. I like talking a lot about one thing at a time.
- I can't play sports that involve using both upper body and lower body to save my life. Like tennis, basketball, football, etc.
- I either stare or look nervously away when I make eye contact. I feel like I'm looking through them.
- I say the wrong word a lot. If I want to say "blinds" for windows I might say "shingles" for the roof. It makes sense to me.
- I don't know how to start a question or introduction to a statement. "It's funny though, right?" "what is?" "the blah blah"
- I have to solve things right. I cannot stand lack of efficiency. I move my room furniture around atleast a dozen times to save space. Even if I have everything setup already.
- I'm usually right about stuff, but I cannot explain it well.
- I can read people amazingly well, but I cannot come across the way I want to.
- I can pick up on sounds, smells, change of scenery, instantly.
- I can match random actions to voice overs for cartoons. I have to, it really bothers me.
- I am very virtuous when it comes to truth and loyalty. I hate that people cannot present data or receive data without being able to be unbiased and not get their feelings hurt.
- I can create physics and calculus, but I was always a B student compared to my peers getting A's. I could run circles around them with practical use of academics.
- I watch the same movies over and over in the same day
- I'm usually right about my judgments of people, but I can never explain it to people. "That guy's a womanizer." And he turns out to be after I bend over backwards to explain to my friends that are girls that he's an ass.
- I put my fingers in my mouth without realizing it when I'm thinking.
- I use my hands when i'm picturing my thoughts. I use them a lot to talk to people. I am not good at verbal communication. I have a weird order of presenting points/facts.
- I can spend 6 hours fixing the solder/tracing on my motherboard, but I cannot start my HW on computer engineering for a 10 minute assignment.
- I mix up letters/numbers/words/sentences every conversation.
- I don't feel pain when I twist my skin on my forearm.
- I put the syllable in the wrong place when saying a word i already know. I also smash words together. " I want a green apple." "I want a grapple".
- My heroes are house MD, Dexter from Showtime, Batman, Iron Man, etc.
-I read in a monotonous voice. kids would tease me a lot. I still dread reading out loud.
- I hate school, but i love learning. I am the classic class clown/bad boy who doesn't try hard enough, but clearly will do something in life.


I should stop there. I really do appreciate anybody who can read through all of that. I tend to dominate conversations with stuff that I know really well. One of which, is me. My room mate/best friend that I've known for years says that I remind him of his brother and his dad who both had severe aspergers. I just want to know who else feels these hardships. I am tired of feeling like I have to explain myself to people so they don't judge me badly. Am i ADHD with OCD (official diagnoisis)? Do i have dyslexia? Is it ADHD and dyslexia looking like aspergers? Is it aspergers? What am i? I'm tired of feeling alone and unrelateable. I am happy with this. I just want to relate to a group without explaining myself ten fold. Thank you guys so much for replying if you do. I really need this. I have spent the last year being told by family and friends that I don't have ADHD or dyslexia or aspergers because I was able to fake interaction really well. I have never felt close to people. They don't know who I am. They only see what I want them to see. I feel like a wall flower. Can someone shine some light in this dark room? I'm tired of living in the grey. I need identity. Thanks again. I appreciate all replies to my post. I hope this was interesting for some of you. Not just a huge task or toll. Take care, and I hope to hear from some of you.



-Godmode

I would say it's AS and possibly Dyslexia, but I'm not a medical professional. I identified with most, but not all of what you listed. (I've never had problems resembling dyslexia, and there were a few others that stood out.)

First off, thanks for the super fast reply! Second, I've seen several medical professionals and they're all biased. One sees one thing and then one sees another. I'm looking for someone that actually lives it. From what you say, you don't have learning problems? I fit a lot of dyslexic symptoms, but my psychologist believes I got too far in schooling to have been dyslexic. He believes my reading problems are caused by thinking too fast. If I take the right stimulants for ADHD and I still have learning issues, that clearly means there's another issue involved, yeah? How's your memory, if you don't mind me asking? Thanks again.

Welcome to WP!

Seems like AS mixed with some other stuff to me.

I think in the end you'll find that your experience is a combination of several things... such as ADHD, dyslexia, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (the nightmares may be a symptom of that)...

ASD needs to be differentiated from other similarly appearing disorders such as narcissist personality disorder, bipolar or borderline, schizophrenic.

There are many co-morbid conditions, such as ADHD, dyspraxia, agraphia, aphasia, SPD, Tourette's...

Some of the things you describe I can relate to and some I cannot. What's important is that you are able to identify your deficits and actively seek the support you need to either overcome them, heal them or work around them.

Welcome to WP!

As far as learning problems go... A few questions about how you think and learn.

Can you think visually at all?
Can you see your mothers face in your mind?
Can you see images in your mind?
If so, are the images 2D, 3D, or both?
If you can see in 3d, can you rotate the image in your mind?
Do memories play back like movies?
Can you see words in your mind?
If so, are the words jumbled?
Are words sometimes jumbled when you read them?
Do you often find patterns in things?
Do you think in Words?
Do you learn best by physical doing something?

My take on Dyslexia is that the label can be applied to ANYONE with problems reading and writing. I would technically fall under that category, but the issue is... I can't see anything in my mind (I'm all no's above for mental imagery). Reading speed, spelling, and handwriting are deficits for me. Saying it's because I have Dyslexia would be similar to saying I can't walk due to a sprained ankle when my ankle is obviously broken.

Last edited by j0sh on 11 Oct 2009, 3:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I'm not going to make a vote, but it does sound a bit like you might have a bit of AS in there! I'm quite the mixture too. I was misdiagnosed as being schizophrenic several times in my teens, then having a motor tic disorder, then depression, anxiety, obsessive behaviour... personality disorder...

A professor took one look at me (and my history) and said, 'you've got AS, Tourettes and OCD...'

woah that's like amazing... stupid NHS...

Thats exactly how I feel! I know I am different and I probably have something. But I have such an odd combination of characteristics its pretty impossible to say I am one thing or another. Its not like I want to explain every single detail about myself, its so much easier to say, oh, btw I have this mixed with this and this. And it isnt so self absorbed seeming. Not that I want the whole world to know, but in the cases which someone does have to.
Some of that was like reading my biography. Other stuff was completely oppisate and other stuff inbetween. XD
I would guess AS somewhere in there. And I think the other people who have replied all have good ideas too. =D

Good Luck!

I think in images.
I can think of anybody's face if I want. I just remember how they made me feel. A dimple. A smile. A twitch. How the sun was. etc.
I can play tetris in my mind with furniture.
3D images. I love puzzles like rubik's cube. I can "see" how it works as a system.
I can play memories like movies any time I want. I remember everything. I can't remember dates. I have to ask for the date every time I have to fill out the date on a form.
I think of a word a lot, but I can't say it. I always get close but not close enough
I read things wrong a lot. "okay so address is 4250 Apple Street" "4520"**
I can connect ridiculous. My analogies are usually impressive. I can connect all forms of music together through metaphors. Symbolism also. I can connect similarties very easily.
I think in images. I use what ever word works.
I never listen to directions or read them. I nod to be polite.

I am a good scholar, I'm a horrible student. I see things before they're explained. It doesn't make sense to me in every class to do it that way. I am very mental imagery. I use my hands more that my vocabulary a lot. When I read a book, I get dizzy after a couple minutes and then take a nap. Every time. Thanks for the reply!

Funny you mention BPD and Narcissitic. I was sure I was one until I changed my ways. I was f****d with a lot when I was growing up. Grew up in an female family and was compared to them. I didn't like sports. I liked to play video games, build, sew, cook, or anything with numbers/strategy. I think being forced into doing more "social" things made me pretty narcissitic, but I found meaning in being different. I enjoy puzzles and solving people's problems. After I went through ups and downs this last year. I have narrowed it down to a more biological factor. I am happy. I think a different way. I went to school with a lot of academic geniuses. I'm not one of those. I can solve puzzles people don't give you all the pieces for like they do on a test or assignment. Though I did well in school. I had a theory that because I was forced to learn to be social I looked at it as a system. I was a popular kid in school. Multiple girlfriends in my narcissitic days. I found people an easy system. I just didn't know how to show myself to any of them. I was all kinds of f****d up. Now, I feel gifted. It made me very versitile. You think that could be delusions of grandeur? I mean if I can acknowledge that, clearly I must be sane right? My psychologist says that I could either make 10,000 a year or 10,000,000. I believe him. I may fail, but if I succeed I think I can solve a lot of problems for people. Who wouldn't embrace these delusions of grandeur? Thanks for the reply! =]

You guys are awesome! Just the open-mindedness of all the replies really made me feel accepted as what ever I may be. I feel blessed because somewhere along the road of my life, I turned this into a gift. I don't know where, but I get to see life. I have sadness, but I see sincere beauty. I just want to solve things. Hopefully I can help people in the process. Thanks again, guys.

I cant relate to very much of your pre teen years.

Some of it seems quite scary to me it certainly is weirder than I (and my mother) remember me.


I can relate to some of the later stuff.

I havent got a clue which time/space continuum you come from though.............................. so;


I couldn't cast a vote

I think 'I haven't got a clue' might have resulted in a lot more votes


But I do admire your honesty......................


What a wonderful world