How do I avoid the "What do you do?" question?

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Past a certain age, this is the second question people ask you (or the first if they're rude and don't want to know your name). I don't get why people define people by their jobs and since I think I should be doing better at my age, I don't want to answer this question.

So how do I get around it? It seems like an NT would know.

That's one of the basic small talk questions, so it's going to be pretty hard to avoid. I would just say you're currently looking for a job and then grumble about the economy. That should at least get some sympathy and minimize the awkwardness.

Its ordinarily a relatively "safe" question because people who have jobs typically don't mind talking about them, and most people assume other people have jobs. Not necessarily a fair assumption, but its safer than topics like politics, religions, sexuality, etc.

I think pat2rome gave the best advice on what to say if someone asks about your job.

Basic truth of life in this culture.


But then it might also set the stage for a whole string of questions abut what you're looking for, where have you looked, who did your resume, who do you know, how can I help you, and...and...and...

The only way you can avoid it is by shunning all situations that involve meeting new people or moving to another culture where this question is not asked-- apparently there are some. And I say this as someone who hates the question just as much as you do. If you don't have a job, or a job you want to talk about, you can always mention some other activity that you spend time on. Admittedly, some people asking this question just want to size you up, but I think others are genuinely looking for a topic of conversation. Luckily, this is a question that you will only be asked once for every new person you meet.

Here's where it gets funny: in the long run you usually have a better system for handling whatever the situation than the person who asks it.

Basically, it's one of those ways where they think they're helping you, but instead just making asses of themselves about it, and when they get hurt, they get all hypocritical about it.

Sickening, really....

My son and I both have Aspergers and neither of us have jobs at the moment. I usually do have a job but I quit and started selling stuff on Ebay. I at least have a husband who has had the same job for almost 19 years, so it's not a big deal if I don't work. But my son on the other hand is 20 and still lives at home and doesn't work or drive and he's happy that way. He does worry about his future and absolutely HATES the question about work. Whenever someone asks him that, I cringe, because I see a meltdown coming. He hates the topic and wishes he had a job but his anxiety has kept him from getting one. He hasn't found a comfortable answer yet but I hope my ebay selling shows him that you don't have to have a normal 9-5 job to make money.

I don't do the 9-5; I work the closing shift.

And despite my anxiety when I've been on interviews, I get hired because they can tell I mean business.

My personality is just ultra-businesslike, and I'm always focused on it, and believe me...they can tell.

A lot of people even claim it's a bit intimidating.

I try to avoid answering it.. and I have a job (ducks for cover) I work for the government. I don't want to talk about my job to people in the 'private sector' because I usally get an ear full of how easy I got it and how much the government sucks.

Despite my disapproval of government in general, I don't at all think your job is easy. You have to learn and memorize thousands of pages of pointless code; and that's not a casual "have to"; it's mandatory.

As has been said before, you can't avoid a question like that. It is nearly as big as "How are you?" which is a pet-hate-question of mine. I try to vary my responses as if you ask someone how they are they reply with mainly two things: "Fine" or "Good". 95% of the time, they're lying. Anyone that replies with something like that has something on their mind, or else they'd go into details.

When I was out-of-work, I used to say that I was "between jobs".

If one wants to share personal info for the purpose of chit chat - one could bring up some hobbies, interests or education. The conversation could go something like this, "Hi Rose, so, what do you do?" I could answer, "Currently, I am in between jobs. I don't mind though, it gives me more time to work on organizing my book collection and practicing in choir." This gives a reasonably astute conversationalist something to counter with (what kind of books do you collect?, what kind of choir, alto or soprano?).

If someone kept bringing up paid work, I would try to disengage from the conversation. "As I said, I am in between jobs right now... oh... I think I see they need some help with the coffee service ... excuse me." smile and politely leave.

Actually, when I say "Fine" or "Good" I mean it, and I don't go into detail because I can't. For some reason, I simply can't think of anything specific that happened during the day unless I get a more specific question.

I usually answer in a strangely honest, too much information kind of way. Technically I do web design, make advertisements, shoot video etc, but really I mostly sit in front of the computer and surf the web on my iPod Touch while waiting for my boss to give me more stuff to do...

I fear becoming one of those people who is defined by their job. My sociology professor was talking about how everyone has a "master status" in life, which is an individual's most important status in their "status set." Most people's master status is something like being a student, parent, or their job title, and everyone apparently has one. I don't think I do though, and I don't want to. I don't want one aspect of my life to completely take over and overshadow everything else. Even if I ever do stop being so lazy and decide on a career path that I actually want to pursue for the rest of my life, I want people to just think of me as me, not as whatever job title I happen to have.

MizLiz wrote:

I often ask this question and the reason that I do is because I have been interested in just about everything at one time or another in my life and there have almost always been technical questions that I have wanted to ask someone in their field. When I do ask it what amazes me is the lack of knowledge most people have in their so called “professions” because they usually either say I don’t know or give me an incorrect or off the wall answer that has nothing to do with anything. Work seems to be just a place to “punch a clock” for most people where all they want to do is come home and never think about.

puzzle62 wrote:




A job is something you spend a great part of your time doing not necessarily where you earn a living. For that matter what is the “job” of the Queen of England, she sure doesn’t do anything to earn her keep. I am sure your son has a special interest that he can tell people is his job and he wouldn’t be lying.

I ALWAYS have to think about this one;

NT's usually mean (if they are doing anything other than breaking the ice) what is your job.

I don't really like to start discussing my work with strangers so I usually reply something like;

'Lot's of different things'


If I happen to be interested in them I might invite them to begin by replying;

What do YOU do? (This is a good way of finding out if the person in front of you is a control freak or not)



If I don't like them I usually borrow from Michael Keaton (not sure which movie; Dream Team or Clean and Sober, but it is a knockout line)

1. Repeat the question back to the inquiror:

'What do I DO?'

2. Deliver the punch line:

'It/kinda depends on the circumstances'


This probably all looks very disturbed and actually is.

It is such a simple question and here I am turning it into metaphysics.


I remember at University an NT friend had a response to that question that I liked to use;

Q: 'What are you doing'?

A: 4 years