I'm Grieving The Loss Of My Child

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I wanted to tell everyone that I'm sorry if I've been snotty or irritable the last few weeks. Over the last few weeks I've come to realize I'm going to have to give up my baby girl for adoption, and its killing me inside.

http://www.aspieweb.net/parenting-adopt ... for-child/

Times are different than they used to be, and adoption is a lot more open. I'm glad you want to be a part of your daughter's life. I would just make your wishes and expectations of the adoptive parents clear at the beginning. Sometimes doing the right thing hurts the most.

Your girl will always be your child even if you aren't the legal guardian. When the child hits 18, they are allowed to go back to their real bio parents. I have heard of people visiting their real bio parents as adults but stay with their adoptive parents because they are like their real parents to them. So it's like they have two parents now. There is also open adoption where the adoptive parents allow you to visit your child and they keep updates about your child such as sending you photos and stuff.

I feel sad for your pain.

If it helps, I know people who have been adopted and the parents. They really loved each other and cared as a family. I hope your little girl gets that kind of family, that will support her when she wants to know you. It might be good for you to write her a letter that lets her know that you love her, though that you didn't feel ready for her. Good luck.

my only child was taken from me and adopted out to strangers long before there was any such thing as 'open adoption'. I was devistated and bereft. I mourned for me, but I didn't mourn her because she wasn't dead.
She was going to be raised by competent people with the means to help her if she had special issues. I felt like I was shipwrecked on a stormy sea and I had handed over my child to the people on the life boat as I slipped beneath the waves. Be Brave, Zach.

Merle

You are doing the right thing for yourself and your child. I know it is very hard right now, but if you are not ready to be a father it wouldn't be right for you to raise your daughter. Putting a child up for adoption is very different from what it used to be, many parents agree to open adoption so that way you can still be a part of your daughter's life.

I hope everything goes well for you and your daughter.

I am sorry this was not the outcome you hoped for. It is probably the best decision you can make for the child, yourself and Kate. Self-realization is not easy but does contain a measure of growth. You are an insightful young man and I admire your strenghth.
You can get through this and come out ok.

I don't ever plan on having kids. You know, to keep the population down and be able to afford a decent standard of living.

Me neither; I don't think I could raise a child if I had one. Maybe when I'm older and more mature, I'll foster; there are enough kids out there who could use a place to stay. But until then, any child I had, I would have to put up for adoption... though being asexual makes that very unlikely.

Open adoptions sound like a great idea. There are so many people who waited until their thirties to have kids, only to find out they were infertile; and more couples than there are babies available; so that finding someone who wants an open adoption should be pretty easy. You could get updates on your baby; maybe arrange to get a letter every Christmas, or visit once in a while. Some open adoptions even let the birth parents be sort of an "uncle/aunt" to the child. You wouldn't get to raise them; but you'd get to see them grow and know you did the right thing.

It took a lot of courage for you to write in your blog as you did, and to come to that realization. Sometimes the best decision a parent can make for a child is to realize they should not be the one to raise it. But, geez, it has got to hurt. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain you are feeling right now. I am so sorry. And I'm proud of you. Kind of hard to know what to say ... I can't make the pain go away.

Zach seems to have trashed his blog and replaced it with the following message....

This is Katelyn's mothers website:www.hookedonfelt.com/
If you google it will provide an address-someone on his blog contacted the local police this way last time. This is the 3rd time I know of, once he passes a crisis he thinks he can get along without treatment but he desperately needs it. I hope it's not too late.

I guess I owe you all an update.

I contacted Katelyn's mother and she was going to get moving on the issue.
She hadn't realised that Zach was having another issue.

Zach's web site hasn't changed and his last post here is still Mon Oct 19, 2009 7:34 am.

I hope that he's ok.

You would need to know the whole story before you made such an assessment as someone not needing help. You could read about it if his site was not down with the suicide note. He is severely depressed about a horrific life situation and he needs more than a hobby to take his mind off things.

gbollard wrote: