I'm tired of this, I want help.

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DenzenGrey
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29 Oct 2009, 1:24 am

I am like many people here (no offence of course) have been having increditible trouble finding a girlfriend. I've been trying to find one with little success. I don't think it's a confidence issue but maybe at least an over confidence issue. I may possible too confident and that maybe what is scaring women away. I can't be sure of that but I believe some of friends have mentioned that I can be too intense maybe. I don't if it's looks either but I guess maybe I am ulgy I don't really know but I don't notice some women looking at me from time to time on the bus and etc so maybe not. I don't know what it is that I am doing wrong and I can only guess at what is the issue. I would like some help to change for the better and I am willing to give any information that may help but as I said I can't be sure what is the exact root of the problem so I can't give out everything. Any help please would be appreciated, I am so tired of being alone.



Janissy
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29 Oct 2009, 5:46 am

You already correctly guessed what the problem is and your friends confirmed it.

"I may possibly be too confident and that maybe is what is scaring women away. I can't be sure of that but I believe some of my friends have mentioned that I can be too intense maybe."

Take off the "maybe". When you suspect it and your friends confirm it, it's the problem. You are coming on way too strong and scaring women away. Since your friends have diagnosed the problem, they are the best ones to show you more laid-back approaches that won't scare women off.



DenzenGrey
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29 Oct 2009, 5:57 am

I don't think I will get any help from them, so far when I ask for advice I just get answers like, just wait for the right one to come along, or your only [insert age here] and etc, the kinda of answers I get from parents and sister, not the best of advice or practical in my opinon. Occasionally someone will try something a little more practical but their advice doesn't seem to helping either. That might because the sort of advice I get can be found by googling it. If you or anyone can help me out I would appreciate that. Another friend on a side note tried taking me out to a club one time but that didn't work, in fact I mostly spent night seeing my friend getting heaps of attention from girls from just good old small talk to more inimate connections which eventually escalated in me feeling very depressed. I left the club for a breather just to get head around things and I didn't think the games of bingine drinking were going to make the night a more pleasant one so I tried to play that down little bit to avoid as much as possible. I am not into that sort of thing really.



Anna4077
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29 Oct 2009, 6:03 am

Just curious, why the need to get a girlfriend?



DenzenGrey
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29 Oct 2009, 7:05 am

I am looking someone special but having hard time doing just that. I wouldn't call it a need just desire to be connected to someone that has things in common with me. Indeed one day I wish to marry and have kids. I'm not just looking for a girlfriend, I want someone special not some random girl on the street. I am not desprate, in no way am I that way. However I am depressed by this lack of the ability at the very least to attract the attention someone I can truly connect with. I've had relationships before but not what I wanted. My last one we had almost nothing common with it. It was depressing aspect that I just want to change for the better. We all feel this need, to be loved, to be understood by someone that just keeps poping in our minds for some inexplictable reason. I guess I am just being.... human.



Friday
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29 Oct 2009, 8:23 am

I think what you need is only a little patience.

There is your princess in a sepcial place who love your face and your personality, waiting just for you. We are all on the way of finding our own princess/prince, getting over difficulties such as loneliness, sadness, is something we must do on they way.

Maybe we can't find her/him finally, but at least, there is hope.
For this hope, we should keep happy, keep healthy, to meet her/him.

So, SMILE. :D



PlatedDrake
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29 Oct 2009, 9:01 am

Friday wrote:
I think what you need is only a little patience.

There is your princess in a sepcial place who love your face and your personality, waiting just for you. We are all on the way of finding our own princess/prince, getting over difficulties such as loneliness, sadness, is something we must do on they way.

Maybe we can't find her/him finally, but at least, there is hope.
For this hope, we should keep happy, keep healthy, to meet her/him.

So, SMILE. :D


Id kill to have a positive attitude like that. Hope has ever been a fleeting and insulting feeling these days. Ive been keeping an eye out for potentials, but the only ones ive found attractive, i only ever see when they are working. Ive always been of the mind that i dont want to distract someone while theyre working.


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sacrip
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29 Oct 2009, 9:08 am

Trouble is, when you look for 'a girlfriend', you eventually stop caring who the girl in question is, just as long as she's a girl and is willing to hang out with you in public. This happens when you think in terms like "I DESERVE a girlfriend, like that guy has," or "I'm just tired of being alone." Trouble is, it effects how we relate to girls, in that they become objects to be acquired, rather than people to be met. And somehow, just like horses smell fear, girls seem to know when you're interviewing for the position of 'girlfriend', and not just talking.

So, how do you fix it? Just talk to girls the same way you talk to guys. We tend to think of girls as so different that we think of them as an entirely different species, but they're not. And they can tell when we talk that way. So just talk to people.


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Janissy
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29 Oct 2009, 9:14 am

sacrip wrote:
Trouble is, when you look for 'a girlfriend', you eventually stop caring who the girl in question is, just as long as she's a girl and is willing to hang out with you in public. This happens when you think in terms like "I DESERVE a girlfriend, like that guy has," or "I'm just tired of being alone." Trouble is, it effects how we relate to girls, in that they become objects to be acquired, rather than people to be met. And somehow, just like horses smell fear, girls seem to know when you're interviewing for the position of 'girlfriend', and not just talking.

So, how do you fix it? Just talk to girls the same way you talk to guys. We tend to think of girls as so different that we think of them as an entirely different species, but they're not. And they can tell when we talk that way. So just talk to people.


YES! Very true. Absolutely right.

"Girls seem to know when you're interviewing for the position of girlfriend and not just talking." So just talk. (And be more laid back in your way of talking, per your friends who said "too intense").



starygrrl
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29 Oct 2009, 9:22 am

sacrip wrote:
Trouble is, when you look for 'a girlfriend', you eventually stop caring who the girl in question is, just as long as she's a girl and is willing to hang out with you in public. This happens when you think in terms like "I DESERVE a girlfriend, like that guy has," or "I'm just tired of being alone." Trouble is, it effects how we relate to girls, in that they become objects to be acquired, rather than people to be met. And somehow, just like horses smell fear, girls seem to know when you're interviewing for the position of 'girlfriend', and not just talking.

So, how do you fix it? Just talk to girls the same way you talk to guys. We tend to think of girls as so different that we think of them as an entirely different species, but they're not. And they can tell when we talk that way. So just talk to people.


Bingo. Desperation is a turnoff. Pure and simple. Desperately wanting a girlfriend and being lonely is not going to help your chances. Honestly, one doesn't find a girlfriend when only looking for a girlfriend, most couples meet up as a result of shared social interest. They meet at some type of gathering. I have used ok cupid, and thats how I met my current partner, but I have also dated alot of men and women just hanging out with people and something clicked. Also I used to use the online sites for casual dating and sex, it was pure coicidence my current relationship clicked where we made it long term.

Not sure if this is helpful, but your desperation, nor your confidence is helping you.



HH
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29 Oct 2009, 10:14 pm

"girls seem to know when you're interviewing for the position of 'girlfriend', and not just talking."

YES. WE DO. And if you add in the over-intensity your friends are telling you is a problem, I guarantee that you are coming across as a terrifying stalker searching for his next stalkee.

Don't try to converse with girls as a means to an end. Just be friendly and talk to people.



sinsboldly
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29 Oct 2009, 10:44 pm

HH wrote:
"girls seem to know when you're interviewing for the position of 'girlfriend', and not just talking."

YES. WE DO. And if you add in the over-intensity your friends are telling you is a problem, I guarantee that you are coming across as a terrifying stalker searching for his next stalkee.

Don't try to converse with girls as a means to an end. Just be friendly and talk to people.


and talk with a lot of people, too, because those people know people, and they know people and most people find people because they have mutual friends. So even if the people you are talking to aren't interested, if you behave like someone they want to introduce to their friends then you meet a whole bunch of prospects. Remember, your girlfriend is looking for you, too. :D


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Merle
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30 Oct 2009, 2:35 am

DenzenGrey wrote:
I am like many people here (no offence of course) have been having increditible trouble finding a girlfriend. I've been trying to find one with little success. I don't think it's a confidence issue but maybe at least an over confidence issue. I may possible too confident and that maybe what is scaring women away. I can't be sure of that but I believe some of friends have mentioned that I can be too intense maybe. I don't if it's looks either but I guess maybe I am ulgy I don't really know but I don't notice some women looking at me from time to time on the bus and etc so maybe not. I don't know what it is that I am doing wrong and I can only guess at what is the issue. I would like some help to change for the better and I am willing to give any information that may help but as I said I can't be sure what is the exact root of the problem so I can't give out everything. Any help please would be appreciated, I am so tired of being alone.


First, accept that you are not going to easily find someone. You're odds are roughly 1 in 20 of finding someone each time you date. That's 95% of you striking out. Once you accept that...

"Patience" as Friday said. If you're sole goal in life is to get a GF, you're going to fail, get depressed and start doubting yourself. When that happens, you're going to get that "desperate" air others are referring to. So...

Accept you're going to fail. Realize you're just in it to meet people and have a good time. IF you happen to get lucky (1:20) then great!