Betrayed by another aspie

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Anyone else ever have this experience? I mean... I'm used to getting betrayed by NT's but this other girl on the spectrum recently betrayed me to work with some big time NT promoter in my industry who I had drama with. I'm having a hard time understanding her actions.

http://www.wrongplanet.net/posts109886-start45.html

I am in a similar situation.

This is the kind of situation that an NT friend would probably have handled better (unless they weren't really your friend).

Your aspie friend may have thought that because she personally had no trouble with this promoter in the past, there was no problem.

I doubt she even thought about your past experience with him, unless you pointed it out, because it may have seemed irrelevant to her own situation. Aspies can be loyal friends, but this is one area that they can let people down because they lack the pack mentality that automatically shuns others who have hurt one of the group e.g. you.

She may also have simply just found a work opportunity too good to pass up.

I'm not sure if you should say anything; whilst I understand your feelings completely, I think arguing with her that she should have refused the job on grounds of loyalty may come across as childish and petty (even though yes, had she been in your place, she would have felt exactly the same).

If it's any consolation, if you've had problems with that promoter, then likely so will she in future. Maybe just congratulate her and wish her the best.

She cut off contact with me to get the job. People are saying she was never a real friend since she did this to me but that isn't true. There was a time that she was a real friend. (that time is just over) She simply decided she no longer wanted to be my friend because getting in good with this guy was more important to her. Aspie's can behave even stranger than NT's sometime. It's like she was mimicking NT behavior to advance herself. To be fair I am sure she has her own side of the story.

I was also betrayed by one at Autism Speaks. She wanted me to do a timeline on Droopy (an LFA bully who has been banned from every aspie forum and from autreat camp) but I didn't know enough about her or know everything that has happened. Then she said "nevermind" and didn't even do it herself. She was also opposed to her and then all of a sudden she is supportive of her after she was banned for bullying another autistic. We don't talk anymore. I have no idea why she decided to support a bully and wanted me to do a time line when she could have done it.

I don't think it's fair to say she's mimicking 'NT' behaviour. NTs are not some evil 'other'; they are people, same as Aspies are people, and everyone acts towards their own best interest; that's life.

She may have just been a person who moves on from friend to friend when it suits her, or her reasoning may have been that you created your own problem with the producer and why should she go down with you (e.g. by refusing to cooperate with him). In that case though, it is strange that the friendship died out too. Did she immediately drop you or was there an argument between the pair of you first?

I am fighting a similar problem with betrayal with a long time friend with AS.

I have known this young man since he was five years old. We basically grew up together, and it was a close, consisitant friendship (he was not my best friend though). Even though he could be very repulsive, this was the same person that introduced me to the arts and classical music. After we left high school, we took different paths, but occasionally would run into each other in the grocery line, etc.

About 10 years out of high school he was elected to mayor in his community in a small town outside of Cedar Rapids.

Last year the community suffered from a devestating flood. When I learned of this, it was my first response to go out and see if he needed any help. He was somewhat off putting at first (he famously told our state's governor that "his community didn't need any assistance, he could do it on his own"), but I was able to get through to him that his community needed help. In my 10 years experience with the Democratic party and the UU Church I was able to talk to people that knew how to help his community. I used my great resource skills to trake down how other communities have dealt with flooding. I also went to our local colleges and Universities to see how they could assist the community. Sadly, he would of taken a disinterest had his parents not intervened. I gave alot of time, money and support to him and his community.

Six months after I went out there, I got this terse e-mail from him asking why I was coming out to his community when I didn't live out there. He also said it had been a very akward experience for him with me being out there. What broke me more was, this was two weeks after I had set up for him to come and speak at our church in a flood realted forum, which he would of been very happy to do.

After that episode, he would not respond to any e-mails that I sent him, he also had set up a Facebook page and would not add me as a friend. I got very depressed about the situation, since the only thing I wanted in return for my work was some accolaides and a little bit of friendship. What is even worse is that I am still supportive of him and his community behind the scenes, I have done a couple of church related volunteer projects, and went out there a filled sandbags when they had a flash flood earlier this year.

I find this to be the ultimate betrayal. I never expected it would come from this person.

That doesn't make a lot of sense. I'm sorry to hear about your friends behavior. I'm curious why it hurts so much more to get betrayed by another aspie than an NT. I don't think everyone in the aspie community is interested in uniting.

Friendships are a funny thing, even when AS is involved.

I often think that through my life, and watching other people, that people are always looking for the greener grass. You may have a great relationship with a friend, but people come along that do seem more interesting and exciting. I have been guilty of this, and I have seen friends with AS whom have also been guilty of this.

Looking back on my life, the strongest friendships I have had are with people who have AS or similar issues. I have been guilty sometimes of brushing these relationships off, while pursuing the greener grass. I have matured enough to realize that this is an area where I would like to pursue more friendship with folks with AS. I have always felt like I have had more of a kinship and a bond. This is one of the major reasons I joined this site.

I was once in the same boat. I started listening to angry music and I became an angry young punk, afterwards. I've since than turned my life back around.

Some aspies are clever and can lie - rigidly following everyone elses rules (which they then break) is something we need to all free ourselves from.

We are no better than everyone else. Stop trying to pretend that we are all morally greater than everyone else as some sort of excuse for your own inability to accept that playing by the rules all the time does not work.